Try and Catch the Wind
by xxLittle Black Dressxx
Summary: Addison's simple getaway to the Hamptons becomes anything but simple.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I just want to start by thanking everyone for the incredible response to my one-shot, "Living In Your Heart." I know it's been a while since I'd written anything, and it felt so good to come back to so much support and encouragement. So, thank you so much for that!

I started writing this story almost a year ago. It's loosely based on a prompt that I got from KelsBama11 back in December, 2015. I wasn't making much progress on the story so I put it aside for a while; but in light of the recent Addek revolution, I decided to pick it back up again. KelsBama11, if you're reading, thanks so much for the great prompt—hopefully I can do it justice.

I hope you all enjoy this first chapter, and I'd love to know what you think. Thanks so much for reading!

* * *

 **Try and Catch the Wind**

 _When rain has hung the leaves with tears,  
_ _I want you near to kill my fears,  
_ _To help me to leave all my blues behind._

 _For standin' in your heart  
_ _Is where I want to be  
_ _And long to be.  
_ _Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind._

 _-Donovan_

It was supposed to be a simple getaway. Nothing more, nothing less. Just a few days in the Hamptons. That was all it was ever supposed to be.

She had no idea why she chose to go to the Hamptons that weekend in July. She knew she needed to get away. She'd even come up with a convincing cover story about _why_ she needed to get away … because she wasn't ready to acknowledge the truth out loud yet. But she had no idea why she chose the Hamptons.

Maybe she chose the Hamptons because she used to go there every summer. Or maybe because being there reminded her of a better time in her life. Maybe there was no rhyme or reason to why she chose to go there. Maybe it was just random chance.

But regardless of the reason, she headed off to the Hamptons. Said goodbye to Naomi—"One last getaway before I start working at the practice!" she'd told her friend with a forced smile—and boarded the plane from Los Angeles to New York.

She arrived at her place in the Hamptons late in the afternoon with a large suitcase and some other necessities—a few bottles of wine and a few pints of ice cream that she'd picked up at nearby liquor and grocery stores. Maybe she'd end up cooking something more substantial for herself, but she kind of doubted it. This weekend was supposed to be about figuring things out … clearing her head. What better way to do that than wine and ice cream?

But the minute she opened the door to her house, she wondered if the weekend had been a mistake. Derek had given her the house in the Hamptons in the divorce, but she hadn't yet been back to redecorate it. So, she didn't just open the door to her house; she opened the door to a past that she'd been trying to move on from.

Framed pictures of her and Derek adorned the entryway and nearly every available surface in the house. Her eyes landed on one picture in particular—her and Derek walking together on the beach at sunset. His arms were wrapped around her waist; and hers around his. And Savvy, being a hopeless romantic, couldn't resist capturing the picture-perfect moment.

Swallowing thickly, Addison forced herself to look away from the picture. But no matter where she looked, it was hard not to see Derek. And it was harder not to see Addison-and-Derek. From the living room couch, where she and Derek used to cuddle sweetly under plush blankets; to the master bedroom where they'd proven time and time again that toe-curling sex wasn't just a figure of speech.

"You're going to make yourself crazy if you keep thinking like this," she muttered to herself. "You'll never survive this weekend."

With that in mind, she opened a bottle of wine, figuring that a glass of merlot would help take the edge off.

She was right. One glass felt good. Two felt better. She had just started her third glass when she heard a noise. She looked around the room, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. But the noise had stopped before she could investigate.

She was about to take another sip of wine when she heard the noise again. Louder this time. And Addison could tell it was coming from the front door.

She crept towards the front door as quietly as she could. Her heart was beating wildly, her stomach was in knots; she was clutching the wine glass in her hand so tightly her knuckle was turning white. There was definitely someone at the front door. And whoever was there was trying to break in.

"H-hello," she called out shakily, as the intruder continued to struggle to open the front door.

"Hello," she called out again, her body trembling in fear. There was no doubt in her mind; someone was trying to force their way in.

"Whoever you are … you should just go away. I'm not alone," she lied, doing her best to scare the intruder off. "My husband's here with me. And he's a cop. A big, strong cop, who will arr-"

But she was cut off by the front door swinging open violently. And Addison, in a moment of panic, did the only thing she could think of—she screamed and threw her glass of wine at the intruder.

"What the hell, Addison?" Derek complained, looking down at his merlot-covered shirt.

"Derek?" Addison breathed as her ex-husband stared at her in confusion. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"I…" Derek trailed off uncomfortably. "What are you doing here? And why are you so jumpy?" he asked, changing the subject and looking down at his wine-stained shirt.

"I thought you were a burglar or a murderer," Addison confessed, her cheeks tinging red in embarrassment. "I'm sorry about the wine … and your shirt."

A mischievous smile spread across Derek's face. "So, I couldn't fully understand you from outside, but you mentioned something about being married…?"

"Shut up, Derek."

"And did I hear you correctly when you said your new husband's a cop?"

Derek, of course, knew these things weren't true. But to so many people Addison was always the picture of grace and composure. But Derek also knew a side of Addison that most people didn't—a woman who found herself in more than her fair share of awkward and humiliating situations. Awkward and humiliating situations that, even when he was angry or indifferent, he almost always found endearing.

"I was trying to scare away whoever was at the door," Addison explained.

Derek smirked. "I guess it didn't work."

"No, I guess not. But, wait," she said, growing serious, "you never told me what you're doing here."

"I, uh, I don't know," Derek said evasively. "But, um, I'll book a hotel for tonight. I just …"

"Derek," Addison interrupted, sensing her ex-husband's discomfort and taking pity on him.

"Yeah?"

"Do you … do you maybe want to have a drink here first? You know, before you leave for your hotel."

"Really? Are you sure?"

Addison shrugged. "It's the least I could do. After all, I did ruin your shirt. Although," she smirked, "it's a wood-chopping fisherman shirt, so I actually think I did you a favor. But that's beside the point." She reached for a wine glass. "Is merlot okay?"

"Merlot's great."

"Here," she said, handing Derek a glass of wine, before pouring a smaller glass for herself. "I'm already two glasses in."

"Well, I've got a glass here," Derek grinned, gesturing to the glass in his hand. "And I've got about a glass on my shirt, so I'm almost caught up."

Addison chuckled.

"Speaking of which," Derek continued, "I should probably change out of my shirt. But don't worry," he teased, shooting Addison a playful wink, "I'll change in another room. After all, you're a married woman."

xxxxx

"It looks like the weather's starting to get bad," Addison commented, peering out the window from her seat on the living room couch.

Derek nodded in agreement as he continued to nurse his wine.

They'd covered the small talk—her new job at Oceanside Wellness; his job at Seattle Grace. She was sparing with the details, talking more about Naomi and Sam than the actual job. He over-shared, telling her everything from the surgeries he'd performed to the new items on the hospital cafeteria's menu to Nurse Olivia's new haircut.

Both were certain about one thing—the other one was hiding something.

"I should probably think about finding a hotel," Derek began, draining what was left of his wine. "Before the weather gets too—"

But before he could get the words out, he was interrupted by a loud crash of lightening. The sky opened up and rain began falling in heavy sheets.

"Maybe you should wait until the weather clears up," Addison suggested, raising her voice so she could be heard over the wind whipping through the trees. "It's way too dangerous to drive in this."

Derek nodded in agreement, and both made their way towards the window to get a better view of the hurricane-like weather outside.

"It looks really bad out there," Addison murmured, unable to take her eyes away from the torrential storm outside the window.

"Hey, Addie…?" Derek began, his eyes shooting upward, towards the flickering ceiling lights. "Do we have flashlights or candles? Because I'm pretty sure we're gonna lose power."

The words had barely escaped his lips when another crash of thunder sounded and everything turned dark.

"Crap," Addison muttered. She and Derek stared into the darkness; flashes of lightening illuminating each other's figures in the otherwise pitch black room. Not a word was spoken, but everything was understood—he'd be spending the night.

"I think there are some flashlights upstairs in the closet," Addison began, breaking the silence. "And there should be some candles in the kitchen. How about you get the flashlights and I'll get the candles?"

"No," Derek said, shaking his head. "We should probably stick together."

Addison raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Why"

"Because," Derek chuckled, raising his voice so he could be heard above the downpour, "you saw what happened to my shirt when you got scared. And that was only wine. There's no way I'm going to let you run around this house alone in the dark carrying fire. That's a risk we don't need to take."

Addison shook her head in amusement. "Fine," she conceded, doing her best to stifle a chuckle. "We'll stick together."

xxxxx

The living room looked romantic. Between the soft glow of the candles scattered throughout the room and the glasses of wine on the coffee table, it was hard not to notice. And while Addison and Derek were well aware of this fact, they didn't vocalize it. They knew better.

"More wine?" Addison offered, holding up the bottle of merlot?

"I, uh…"

"You're not driving," Addison pointed out.

"That's true," Derek agreed, handing his glass to his ex-wife. "Thanks."

Addison gave him a small smile as she poured him a generous glass of wine.

"Whoa, are you trying to get me drunk?"

Addison shook her head. "No, I'm just being a good host. I'm just … the ice cream!" she gasped, cutting herself off.

"What?" Derek asked in confusion.

"I have four pints of ice cream in the freezer," Addison explained. "And they're melting as we speak."

Derek chuckled. "There seems like an easy solution for that problem." He gave his ex-wife a teasing smile. "I hope you're hungry."

They reentered the living room a few minutes later, carrying four pints of ice cream, a couple of spoons, and two bowls.

"Good flavors," Derek approved, taking the top off the coffee-flavored ice cream and scooping some into his bowl.

"I'm glad you think so."

"Is that chocolate chip cookie dough?" Derek asked, gesturing towards the ice cream in his ex-wife's bowl.

"Yeah."

"Pass some over here. That looks good."

Addison chuckled. Derek rarely ate junk food. And when he did, it was a scoop or two of coffee-flavored ice cream. This was completely unusual for him.

"More wine?" Derek offered, noticing that Addison's glass was empty.

"Thanks," Addison nodded, handing him her glass.

"So, tell me," Derek began in between mouthfuls of cookie dough ice cream. "Do they even eat ice cream in LA? Or do they only eat frozen yogurt?"

Addison shrugged. "I don't know," she admitted.

Derek looked at his ex-wife curiously. His question was supposed to be a joke. But Addison certainly hadn't taken it that way. "Can I tell you something?" he asked, half joking, half serious. "I don't see the appeal of LA. I know people love it. But I don't get what's so great about it."

"In all honesty, I haven't really explored it that much," Addison confessed. "So far, I've spent all of my time at the practice getting my stuff set up."

"Can I tell you something without you getting angry?" Derek asked, draining his wine and refilling his glass.

Addison raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"I don't see you in a private practice," Derek admitted, slurring his words slightly. "You're a surgeon. You live for cutting and blood and cases that only you can solve."

Addison swallowed thickly before taking a long sip of her wine. "Can I tell you something?" she asked, not giving Derek time to respond. "I'm not sure I see myself working at a private practice. I just … I needed a change."

Derek nodded slowly. "Can I ask you something?"

"I guess."

"If you went to LA because you needed a change, why did you come here … to the Hamptons … where everything's familiar? Why aren't you in LA?"

Addison ran a hand through her hair uncomfortably. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"What I just said about moving to LA because I needed a change … it's a lie. Or, at least, not the whole truth."

"What do you mean?"

Addison sighed heavily. "When I first went to LA to visit Naomi and Sam, I was in a bad place. And when I came back from visiting them, I was in an even worse place. Nothing in my life made sense anymore. And it just seemed like all the things I wanted and had worked so hard for were slipping away. So when Naomi offered me the job out there, I took it. I knew that it was completely wrong for me, but I took it anyway because it allowed me to walk away … from everything."

Derek nodded slowly, letting his ex-wife words sink in.

"But the thing is," Addison continued, "nothing's changed. I'm still in a bad place … just with better weather." She refilled her wine glass and took a long sip before meeting her ex-husband's eyes sadly. "Go ahead and judge me."

But he couldn't judge her. Not even a little bit. After all, walking away was what he did best. "Can I ask you a question? Why were you in a bad place?"

She shook her head, silently communicating that she wasn't ready to go there.

"Then can I tell you something?" Derek asked.

"Okay."

"I'm in a bad place too. That's why I came here this weekend. I needed to get out of Seattle."

Addison nodded mutely, encouraging Derek to continue.

"I'm not happy," Derek admitted vulnerably. "I just … I thought I knew what I wanted. I was certain I knew what I wanted. But … maybe I didn't."

Addison swallowed thickly. Over eleven-plus years of marriage, she'd become very good at reading the subtext of Derek's veiled words. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"You never made an effort to get back together with Meredith after she dumped you at Cristina and Burke's … whatever you want to call it."

"That was a statement, not a question," Derek pointed out, a small smile gracing his lips. "But, no. I haven't."

"And …?" Addison asked, emboldened by the alcohol.

"I don't plan to. Go ahead and judge me," he said, echoing her words from earlier.

"Can I tell you something?" Addison asked unsurely.

Derek nodded.

"I can't have kids. That's why I was in a bad place when I moved out to LA."

"What?" Derek gulped, a raw, sinking feeling forming in the pit of his stomach. "How did you…? Who told you?"

"Naomi."

"Addison, I … I'm sorry." He really was. Sorry and sad.

Because none of it felt fair. Addison had dedicated her life to bringing other people's babies into the world and saving sick babies. And the fact that she couldn't have kids felt like a cruel joke.

"Can I tell you something?" Derek asked; his voice laced with emotion.

Addison nodded mutely, doing her best to maintain her composure.

"You'd make a great mother."

"Don't say that."

"You would," Derek insisted, moving closer to her and instinctively running his thumb over the top of her hand.

"It doesn't matter," Addison said sadly. "Because we'll never know."

"Addison, there are other-"

"Maybe this is my punishment," Addison interrupted. "You know, for being an adulterer."

"Addison…" Derek trailed off, as he watched his ex-wife battle against her emotions. "Can I tell you something?" he asked, not giving Addison time to respond. "It takes two people to end a marriage. You have to forgive yourself at some point."

Addison shook her head. "No. I don't think I'll ever fully forgive myself," she admitted. "I think in one way or another I'll always hate myself for what I did."

Derek swallowed thickly, inching even closer to her. "I don't."

Addison met his eyes. "What?" she breathed.

Derek gave her a soft smile, tracing along her jawline with his thumb. "I don't. Even if I wanted to, I just … couldn't."

She didn't know if it was the sincerity in Derek's voice or the warmth emanating from his eyes, but things felt different. And at the same time, familiar. And suddenly, she was leaning in. And so was he. She could feel his breath on her skin … his hands in her hair. She could smell the familiar scent of his Tom Ford cologne. (She liked the fact that Seattle hadn't changed _everything_ about Derek).

She could feel her heart beating faster. She could hear Derek's breathing growing heavier as he pulled her against him, their lips mere centimeters apart. She could hear … her phone ringing.

And just like that, reality crashed down on them hard.

"It's Naomi," Addison mumbled, fumbling to answer her phone. "Hello?" she said, bringing the phone to her ear.

"Addison," Naomi's voice rang out. "I just saw on the news that there's a terrible storm in the Hamptons and … why are you breathing heavily? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine," Addison reassured her friend. "The storm is really bad and we lost power, and-"

" _We_?" Naomi asked, cutting her friend off. "Who's we?"

"Oh," Addison stammered. "Uh, we is me … and, um … my neighbors. We're all doing fine."

"You went outside to check on your neighbors during the middle of a torrential storm?" Naomi asked skeptically.

"Well, uh, we all kind of just checked on each other," Addison supplied, hoping she was being convincing.

"Addison…" Naomi trailed off in her signature condescending voice. "Is there someone there with you right now?"

"What? No," Addison insisted.

"I don't believe you."

"Nae, I'm telling you; it's just me, my wine, and my ice cream … which is currently melting. So if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to it."

"Addie, are you drunk?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm somewhere in between tipsy and drunk. Look, I've really gotta go."

"Okay," Naomi sighed. "Stay safe, Addison. And if you need anything, I'm just a phone call away."

"Thanks, Nae. I'll see you in a couple of days." She hung up the phone and turned to Derek. "That was Naomi," she said, stating the obvious.

"Oh."

"She was just checking in because she heard about the storm. Apparently, it's newsworthy. And I guess it's probably a good thing she called. Stopped us both from doing something we probably would have regretted. And-"

"Can I tell you something?" Derek interrupted, his voice just above a whisper. "I don't think it's a good thing she called."

"Really?" Addison breathed, her eyes connecting with his.

"Really."

"Oh, thank god," Addison whispered, abandoning all reserve, and crashing her lips against Derek's.

He kissed her back just as passionately. It was tongues battling and hands desperately exploring…reacquainting. And clothes being discarded in an urgent haste.

In the morning, they could blame it on one of many things … the wine; the blackout; their mutual unhappiness; or even some combination. But tonight they weren't thinking about the morning. Tonight the morning didn't matter. Tonight all that mattered was him and her.

And as things would go, tomorrow the only thing that would matter would be him and her. Because even though the storm would stop and the power would come back on, he wouldn't leave and go to a hotel. He'd stay with her. Him and her in their house in the Hamptons; completely shut out from the rest of the world.

xxxxx

"Well, I guess that's everything," Derek said, as he helped Addison load her last suitcase into her rental car.

"I guess it is."

The weekend had come and gone. And while it had been completely different than anything either of them had planned, it was exactly what they both had needed.

"I, uh, I guess I'll see you around," Addison stammered, leaning in and giving Derek an awkward hug.

"Uh, yeah," Derek mumbled. "I guess so."

"Have a safe flight back, Derek."

"You too. It was … it was really good to see you, Addie."

Addison smiled at her ex-husband warmly. "It was really good seeing you too," she said, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek before turning to get into her car.

"Addie, wait," Derek called out.

"Yeah?" Addison breathed, turning and looking at her ex-husband expectantly … almost hopefully.

Derek swallowed thickly, neither he nor Addison able to find the willpower to look away from each other. "I, um … here," he said, handing her back his key to the beach house. "You got the Hamptons in the divorce. Technically, this is yours."

Addison shook her head. "Keep it."

"What?"

"Keep it," she repeated, handing him the key back, and placing her hand over his.

A small smile graced Derek's features as he stuck the key in his pocket. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now I really need to get going," she continued, "or I'm gonna miss my flight and Naomi will never let me hear the end of it." Though in all honesty, missing her flight didn't seem like such a bad thing. "See you later, Derek."

"Yeah. Later."

And with that, she got into her car and pulled out of the driveway, overcome by a feeling of sadness that she knew she had no right to feel.

It was supposed to be a simple getaway. But that's the thing about simple … it rarely ever is.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I can't thank you enough for all of the amazing reviews on the last chapter! You seriously blew me away with your support and kind words, and I appreciate it so much. Here's the next chapter. I just got back from vacation, so consider this chapter my souvenir. (It was actually supposed to be my parting gift, but I waited until the very last minute to pack and didn't have time to post). I hope you like this chapter and as always thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

"He bakes me cake. Really good chocolate cake."

"That's nice," Addison murmured, barely looking up from her phone.

"It's not nice," Naomi disagreed, slumping a little in her office chair. "Because he's not baking me cake out of the goodness of his heart. He wants something. And I'm not willing to—are you even listening?"

"What?" Addison asked, looking up from her phone in surprise. "I'm listening."

She, of course, wasn't. Her attention was fixed on her phone and the series of text messages being exchanged.

 _Can I tell you something?_ Derek's text read. _I miss you._

 _Can I tell you something?_ she texted back. _I don't believe you._

 _What?! I really do miss you, Addie._

 _Can I tell you something, Derek? I miss you too._

"Plus, he's Dell," Naomi continued. "He's probably closer in age to my teenage daughter than he is to—who are you texting?"

"What?" Addison asked, looking up from her phone again.

"Come on, Addison. I have a teenage daughter. I know secretive texting when I see it. And this is definitely that. So, who is he?"

Addison arched an eyebrow. "He?" she asked with feigned innocence.

"Yes, _he_ ," Naomi said pointedly.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Naomi shook her head disbelievingly. "Well, then maybe you can help me understand your strange behavior yesterday at the beach."

"What?"

"We walked past a very good looking man. No wedding band in sight. And it was painfully obvious that he was interested in you. And you barely looked his way."

"Nae, it was a Wednesday afternoon. I'm not used to walking on the beach on Wednesday afternoons. I'm typically on my second surgery or something."

"You're not fooling anyone, Addie. I mean you've pretty much been glued to your phone ever since you came back from the Hamptons a few weeks ago." Naomi looked at her friend curiously. "Did you meet someone there?"

"What? Of course not," Addison insisted. "There was a terrible storm. Who would I have met in a storm?"

"I don't know," Naomi shrugged. "But something has definitely been different about you since you came back."

But Addison wasn't listening.

 _Are you busy right now?_

 _No._ she replied. _I only do one surgery a day here, remember?_

 _Oh, that's right. Today's a slow day for me too._

Addison smiled. _Want to talk about it?_

 _Yes. I'll call you in 5._

"I wouldn't judge you if you met someone in the Hamptons," Naomi continued. "I mean you're an adult and you're single and—"

"Nae, I actually have to go," Addison interrupted. "I'm expecting a call in five minutes."

"Yeah," Naomi smirked as Addison left her office. "I bet you are."

xxxxx

Things went on like this for the next several weeks. They exchanged texts and phone calls. They thought about each other more than was probably appropriate and definitely more than either of them dared to admit. But, still, things remained casual. Uncomplicated.

Until the day it all changed.

Addison was in her office, rummaging through her desk drawer, trying to find something to relieve her killer headache.

She was just about to give up her search when her cell phone rang. "Hello?" she answered, not bothering to check who was calling.

"Addison," a familiar, but unexpected voice responded. "Are you okay? You don't sound good."

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just trying to find some Advil or something to help me get rid of a headache."

"Oh. I've told you a thousand times, Addison; you should always keep Advil in your purse. It's literally a life saver."

"I know," Addison agreed begrudgingly. "So, what's up Nancy? Is everything okay?" she asked, quickly growing concerned. "Is everyone okay?"

Before the divorce, it was perfectly normal for Addison and Nancy to talk once or twice a week. But since the divorce, they spoke much less frequently. And Addison figured if Nancy was calling her it was likely to report some type of emergency.

"Everything's fine," Nancy reassured her ex-sister-in-law. "I called because … you know how you and me and, to some extent, Derek are interested in birth trends? Like how there are always a ton of babies born between October and November because of News Years and Valentine's Day conceptions? "

"Yeah…" Addison trailed off, wondering where Nancy was going with this.

"I just picked up on another slight birth trend. Apparently, there was a huge storm nearly two months ago in the Hamptons. Left a lot of people without power. And I guess people _really enjoyed_ the blackout, if you know what I mean. Because over the past week I examined five women who are expecting children in just over seven months because of that blackout in the Hamptons."

"Oh my god," Addison breathed.

"Incredible, right?"

"I…" Addison stammered as she thought about her own life over the past couple of weeks. She'd been fighting a bad headache on and off. And there were several days that she'd woken up feeling nauseous. But she'd chalked these things up to dehydration. And there was even that morning she'd vomited. But she had assumed that was from the Chinese food she'd eaten the night before.

Lately she'd been feeling more tired than usual. But then again, she'd only recently moved to LA and was still getting acclimated.

And now that she thought about it, she was late. Very late.

She swallowed roughly as she tried to objectively analyze her symptoms. The nausea, the vomiting, the exhaustion. The timing. It would make sense … _if_ it were anyone but her.

"You still there?" Nancy asked.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm here. I … are you going to tell Derek about this?"

"I was planning to."

"Don't."

"Excuse me?"

"I, uh …" Addison stuttered. There was no reason for Nancy not to say anything to Derek. But there was that nagging thought in the back of her mind. It was an impossibility; she knew that. But maybe it wasn't. And if it wasn't, she needed some time to think.

"Why can't I tell Derek?" Nancy asked, cutting into Addison's thoughts.

Addison bit her lip. There was no way she could answer honestly. That would involve telling Nancy that she and Derek had slept together and that there's an off chance she may be pregnant. And she wasn't ready to share either of those things with her former sister-in-law.

So she lied.

"Uh, I thought you said Eric. Not Derek," Addison explained as convincingly as she could. "Don't tell Eric."

"Eric?" Nancy asked in confusion. "Who's Eric?"

"I-I don't know. Do you?"

"Addison, are you sure you're okay? It sounds like you may be delirious."

"I, uh … I should probably lie down," Addison stammered, grateful that Nancy couldn't see her face growing red in embarrassment.

"That's probably a good idea," Nancy agreed. "Listen, I'm worried about you. Find some Advil, get some rest, and I'll call you later, okay?"

"Thanks, but you really don't need to call me later," Addison insisted.

"Addison, this isn't up for debate. You're family. Your divorce doesn't change that. So," Nancy continued, invoking her famous I'm-the-oldest-of-five-kids-tone, "I'll call you later. Okay?"

"Okay," Addison sighed. "I'll talk to you later."

She hung up the phone feeling nauseous. And completely unsure what the culprit of her nausea was.

If it were anyone but her, the talk track would be easy: _There's no reason to freak out yet. Take a pregnancy test. Find out the facts. And from there, you'll work it out._ She'd said it to countless women, in both professional and non-professional contexts. But now, in this moment, her advice felt hollow.

Not knowing was easier. Not knowing meant not having to potentially deal with disappointment. Not knowing meant not having to potentially have an incredibly difficult conversation with Derek. Not knowing meant not having to potentially make a series of life-changing decision.

But in this situation, not knowing was not an option.

xxxxx

"You're a terrible doctor," Addison accused, storming into Naomi's office unannounced.

"What?" Naomi asked in confusion. She took in her best friend's sheet-white complexion and dark under-eye circles. "You look well."

"Shut up," Addison muttered. "And stop changing the topic."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I'm fol-"

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant," Addison repeated.

"But…how?"

"Seriously, Nae?" Addison asked, rolling her eyes.

"No, okay, that was a dumb question," Naomi admitted. "But this is what you wanted, right? You should be happy." She looked at her friend closely. "You don't look happy."

"I … I don't know how I feel."

"Because of the father?" Naomi asked, doing her best to keep up. "You don't know how you feel about him?"

"Kind of," Addison admitted.

"So, I'm assuming it's some guy from the Hamptons because from what I can see, your romantic life out here has been pretty much nonexistent. In fact, I'm pretty sure there are nuns out there whose romantic lives are more exciting than yours."

"Thanks," Addison muttered dryly.

"Sorry," Naomi apologized. "But I'm right, aren't I? You met some guy in the Hamptons."

"I …" Addison trailed off. "Not exactly."

"What do you mean not exactly?" Naomi asked in confusion. "How do you not exactly meet someone?"

Addison met her friend's eyes and sighed. "I didn't exactly meet someone in the Hamptons because you technically can't meet someone you already know."

"So, wait … you know the father?"

Addison nodded silently. "You do too."

"What? How? I don't know anyone in the Hamptons. I haven't been there in years."

Addison met her friend's eyes. "Derek," she said after a moment.

"As in …?"

"Do we know any other Dereks?" Addison ran a hand through her hair. "He was there. I was there. There was a storm. There was alcohol. And now …" she trailed off, thinking about Nancy's theory on birth trends, "I'm a statistic."

"I'm not sure I'm following."

"Never mind. That part's not important."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure," Addison admitted. "This could be my only chance at a baby, but …"

"You always wanted a baby with Derek," Naomi pointed out, doing her best to lighten the mood.

"I know. But I never envisioned it happening this way. I always assumed we'd be together." She looked down at her vibrating cell phone. "Speak of the devil," she muttered when she checked to see who was calling—Derek, of course.

"You're not going to get that?" Naomi asked innocently.

"No."

"But you and Derek … you talk frequently?"

Addison shrugged evasively. "We talk."

"Come on, Addie; I've known you since med. school. I also know that you've practically had your phone fused to your hand ever since you got back from the Hamptons. You might as well admit it; you and Derek talk frequently. _Very_ frequently."

Naomi was, of course, right. But Addison wasn't about to tell her that.

"So, when are you going to tell him?" Naomi asked, cutting into her thoughts.

"I, uh, I don't know."

Naomi shot her friend a condescending look. "You're going to tell him."

"I don't know," Addison repeated.

"That wasn't a question, Addison. You're going to tell him. You have to."

In her heart of hearts, she knew Naomi was right. But she wasn't ready. Not yet. What she did know was that she needed to end this conversation with Naomi.

"Look, Nae, I've gotta go."

"But you don't have any other surgeries scheduled today," Naomi pointed out.

Of course she didn't. She worked at a private practice, after all.

"I need to be alone and think for a while," Addison explained, standing up and heading towards the door. "I'll, uh, I'll talk to you later."

"Call Derek and tell him," Naomi advised Addison's retreating form. "You'll feel better once you do."

"I doubt it," Addison muttered to herself.

"Addison, wait," Naomi called out, just as Addison was about to leave.

Addison rolled her eyes and turned around to face her friend. "Yes?" she groaned, doing her best to hide her frustration.

"Congratulations."

xxxxx

"Have you told him yet?"

Addison looked up her paperwork and sighed. "No, Naomi, I haven't told him. Just like I hadn't told him an hour ago when you last came into my office and asked me."

"Sorry," Naomi apologized. "I just … you can't not tell him."

"I just found out a few hours ago," Addison pointed out. "I'm still working through everything. I'm not ready to tell him."

Naomi arched an eyebrow. "Will you ever be ready?"

Addison was about to explain to her friend that these things take time and that there's not exactly a script for her particular situation, but she was cut off by her office phone ringing. "Speak of the devil," she muttered when she saw who was calling.

"Derek?"

Addison nodded.

"Aren't you going to answer it?"

"No."

Naomi sighed. "You're being silly and immature and … Addison Montgomery's office," she chirped, answering her friend's phone and immediately putting it on speaker.

"Can I tell you something?" Derek asked, completely ignoring or not realizing that Addison wasn't the one who had answered his call. "I've been thinking about you."

Naomi's eyes widened and she shot Addison a meaningful glance.

"Nancy said she spoke to you," Derek continued. "And she said you sounded kind of weird. So I wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Tell him," Naomi mouthed to her friend.

But Addison shook her head firmly.

"Addie?" Derek implored; the concern and sincerity in his voice impossible to miss.

Naomi shot her friend a glance, but Addison once again shook her head resolutely.

"Um, Derek," Naomi began uncomfortably. "This is Naomi. Addison stepped away from her desk for a few minutes and asked me to pick up any calls that came in while she was away. Would you like me to tell her you called?"

"Oh, uh, Naomi, hi," Derek stammered in embarrassment. "I was just … no, no don't tell Addison I called. I, um, I actually dialed the wrong number. I meant to call Kathleen."

Addison and Naomi did their best to stifle a laugh at Derek's weak cover-up, and Addison fully expected Naomi to make things even more awkward than they already were. But to her surprise, her friend decided to take pity on Derek.

"Totally understandable," Naomi reassured Derek, biting back a chuckle. "It could happen to anyone."

"Yeah," Derek breathed, clearly relieved. "Anyway, I should probably go. Uh, don't tell anyone about this, okay?"

"Okay. Talk to you later, Derek."

"Yeah. Bye, Naomi."

Naomi hung up the phone and turned to her friend. "You conveniently forgot to mention the part about how your ex-husband is still in love with you," she accused.

"He is not," Addison disagreed.

"He's clearly in love with you." Naomi offered her friend a smug smile. "It could be worse."

"What?"

"I said, it could be worse. Sure, your relationship with Derek is complicated. But it's not illegal or icky."

"Icky?" Addison echoed, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Naomi shuddered. "Could you imagine if he'd actually meant to call Kathleen?"

xxxxx

The days passed by and Addison still hadn't told Derek. And Naomi was growing increasingly frustrated.

"Addison?" Naomi said, knocking on her friend's office door.

"Still haven't told him, Nae," Addison responded, not bothering to look up from her paperwork.

"That's not why I'm here," Naomi admitted, her voice vulnerable.

Addison quickly looked up; her friend looked terrified. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I need a consult."

"For you?"

"No. For a patient."

"Okay," Addison nodded, standing up from her desk. "Lead the way."

"Julie … Mathew," Naomi began, addressing the expectant mother and her husband, as she and Addison walked into the exam room. "This is Dr. Addison Montgomery." She turned to Addison. "Dr. Montgomery, this is Julie and Matthew Richardson."

Addison offered the couple a warm smile. "It's nice to meet you."

She studied the couple closely, trying to discern just how much they knew about what was going on with their baby … how much Naomi had shared with them.

There's a look … when a patient doesn't know their prognosis. It's fear and it's numbness and confusion. But mostly it's uncertainty.

There's also a look when a patient does know their prognosis. It's fear and it's numbness and it's confusion. But it's not uncertainty. Everything but.

She briefly glanced away from Julie and Matthew to look at Naomi. She didn't have to ask. _They knew_.

Naomi simply nodded in response to her non-question.

It was all clear now. Naomi had called her in to give more color to the diagnosis she'd already given the couple. Or she'd called her in to contradict it. The second option was far less likely. But then again Naomi had told her that she couldn't have kids, and that clearly wasn't the case. She could be wrong about this too.

At least she hoped she was. Naomi had prepped her on the walk from her office to the exam room, and if Naomi's diagnosis was, in fact, correct, things didn't look good for Julie and Matthew's baby.

"Okay," Addison began as cheerfully as she could. "Let's take a look." She began moving the transducer across Julie's exposed abdomen; every eye in the room transfixed on the image of the five-month old baby on the nearby screen.

That's when Addison saw it. And she had to swallow the gasp that was so desperately trying to escape her throat.

Naomi shot her a questioning glance and she nodded sadly.

"Julie … Matthew …" Addison began; her voice simultaneously professional and laced with sympathy. "Your baby has an encephalocele, which means his brain is growing outside of his skull."

Addison wasn't sharing anything new with Julie and Matthew. She was repeating what Naomi had already told them. But that didn't stop the look of devastation in Julie's eyes or the look of numbness on Matthew's face.

"What are our options?" Julie asked, finding her voice.

Addison swallowed thickly and allowed herself to meet Julie's eyes. "Most patients opt for termination."

Julie shook her head vehemently. "No. I don't want that. We don't want that." She turned to Naomi. "You said there were other options."

"I, um …" Naomi stammered.

"Dr. Bennett said you're the best," Julie sputtered through tears, meeting Addison's eyes. "There has to be something you can do."

Addison sighed. "We can run some tests and see if we can find out more about your son's condition. But if operating is even an option, we'd need a whole team of experts."

Julie nodded; her voice frantic. "Dr. Bennett mentioned something about a brain surgeon … Dr. Shepherd. In Seattle."

Addison narrowed her eyes at her friend. "Did she?"

"Yeah," Julie continued. "He's supposed to be the best. And I know he's in Seattle, but we'll go there for him. We'll do anything." She turned to Addison and Naomi. "Do you think he'd see us?"

Addison was about to voice her hesitation, but Naomi was quicker. "Dr. Montgomery and I both know Dr. Shepherd very well. We could make a call."

"Um, can I talk to you, Dr. Bennett?" Addison asked before the conversation could get more out of hand. "In the hall? Alone?"

"Uh, sure," Naomi said with forced cheerfulness. She offered Julie and Matthew a reassuring smile. "We're just going to nail down the logistics."

Once they were out in the hallway and out of Julie and Matthew's earshot, Naomi gave Addison an apologetic smile. "Look, I know you're mad …"

"Oh, I'm not mad," Addison interrupted. "Tricked, yes. Played, yes. But not-"

"You took a vow," Naomi reminded her friend.

"Don't talk to me about vows."

"Derek's the best. You know that. And you're the best. And that baby and his parents … they need a miracle. And, right now, you and Derek are as close as they can get." She sighed sadly. "Come on, Addie, that family needs someone to fight for them."

"Stop it."

"If it were your baby, wouldn't you want …" Naomi stopped abruptly. "I'm sorry," she apologized. She really was. Because it was one thing to talk about a sick baby in the hypothetical. And in Addison's case it was no longer hypothetical. "I'm sorry," she apologized again. "I shouldn't have said that."

But Addison didn't miss a beat. "If it were my baby then neither Derek nor I would be allowed to operate because doctors can't operate on family."

Naomi sighed. "I'm sorry. I know this isn't ideal for you. And I know you need to sit and stew over this. And you have every right to stew. But not right now. Right now we need to talk to our patient. We've been out here way too long and we're being unprofessional."

Addison knew Naomi was right … on many accounts. She did need to stew. And she had every right to. But she also knew they were being unprofessional. Addison knew she was many things (both good and bad). But one thing she was not was unprofessional.

xxxxx

"Sorry about that," Naomi apologized as she and Addison reentered the exam room.

"That's okay," Julie nodded. "I was kind of wondering, though, if I could speak to Dr. Montgomery alone."

Naomi and Addison exchanged a glance at that. "Uh, sure," Addison nodded. She watched Naomi and Matthew's retreating forms before turning to Julie.

"Look," Julie began. "I can tell you're not fully on board with this. But I'm begging you … please. Please try. And I know it's a long shot. I do. But I've still got to try. Because it's like …" she trailed off, searching for the right words. "Have you ever seen little kids run when they're outside playing? Like they're trying to catch the wind?"

A slight smile graced Addison's lips as she thought about Derek's nieces and nephews. Her ex-nieces and nephews. "I have."

"They can't catch the wind. But they still try. Because maybe …"

Addison nodded passively. She didn't have the heart to tell Julie that it wasn't a great metaphor. That most kids don't realize that they can't catch the wind. Not to mention, catching the wind is impossible.

"I have to try," Julie continued. "I can't not try. So, please … please say you'll try too."

Addison swallowed thickly. "I'll try," she said softly. "I'll do more than try," she amended. "I promise you I'm going to do everything I can."

"Thank you," Julie breathed, exhaling in relief. "Thank you so much."

Addison nodded. Sure this meant potentially spending several months in Seattle … the city she was hoping to shut the door on forever. Sure it meant having an earth-shattering conversation with Derek and having nowhere to hide if it went badly.

But at the end of the day, her decision wasn't about her. She had taken an oath and she was going to honor it. Because unbeknownst to Julie, for Addison not trying was never an option.

xxxxx

In the end it was decided that Addison would be the one to call Derek. She'd explain the case, give him the necessary details, and see if he was on board.

She'd be professional, direct, composed.

That was the plan.

She called him on his office phone using her office phone. It was a professional call, after all.

He answered on the second ring. "Can I tell you something? I miss you."

She swallowed roughly, unsure how to respond.

"Addison?"

She was supposed to be professional, direct, composed.

That's what she had planned for.

"Addison?" Derek asked again, his concern clear.

What she hadn't planned for was the vulnerability in her voice; her raw, desperate tone.

"Addison?"

"Derek," she finally choked out. "I need you."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you a million times over for the amazing reviews on last chapter! I love hearing what you think. The baby with the encephalocele storyline that has Addison coming to Seattle was actually inspired by something I read about a year ago. I remembered thinking that writing a story with this type of case would be a perfect way for all of my favorite doctors to work together.

Anyway, here's the next chapter; I hope you like it. And thank you so much for reading!

* * *

"You're dressed up," Mark observed as he joined Derek in the hospital elevator.

Derek looked down at his blue button-down shirt and dress pants. Mark wasn't wrong. For a second, when he was getting dressed this morning, he'd considered a jacket. But he decided that was overkill.

"And you look … happy," Mark observed.

Again, Mark wasn't wrong. He was happy. Addison was scheduled to arrive in just over an hour and he was excited to see her. His trip to the Hamptons had awoken something in him (the guy he used to be, the grownup he used to be), and Addison had played no small part in that.

"Hold the elevator," Alex called out. "Woah." He crinkled his nose and looked at Derek. "Someone was liberal with their cologne this morning."

Derek bit back a retort. But Alex wasn't exactly wrong. Addison's visit had him acting like a teenager on a first date. A little too much cologne. A little overdressed. A little too much time in front of the mirror fussing over his hair.

"Why are you following us?" Derek asked Alex as the three men made their way towards Chief Webber's office.

"I'm on the encephalocele case that Dr. Montgomery is bringing in today."

"Why?" Derek's brow furrowed in confusion. He understood why Mark was on the case—if they went ahead and operated, they'd need a plastic surgeon to assist with the cranial reconstruction. But he didn't get what Karev added.

"Seattle Grace is a teaching hospital," Alex reminded Derek. "And unlike the two of you, Dr. Montgomery actually takes that seriously."

Mark chuckled and knocked on the chief's door.

"Come in." The chief checked his watch as the three surgeons situated themselves around his desk. "I was wondering what time you'd finally get here."

"I'm surprised you couldn't smell Dr. Shepherd from the hallway," Alex smirked.

"Anyway," Richard continued, choosing to ignore the resident's comment. "Let's talk logistics." He spread out the baby's most recent scans across his desk and turned to Derek. "You think it's operable?'

"I don't know," Derek admitted. "There's a good chance the baby won't survive until birth. And if he does, there's a good chance he'll only live a few hours. And even if he does survive, we don't know what his quality of life is going to be like."

Alex shook his head. "So you're pretty much saying that this couple is coming all this way for Dr. Montgomery to perform an abortion."

"Karev," Richard warned, as Mark shot the resident a death glare. "One more comment like that and I'll kick you off this case. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal, Chief."

"Good." Richard turned his attention back to Derek. "So, uh … is he … is Karev right?"

"I'm not sure." Derek sighed. "The odds aren't good. But if there's anyone who can give this baby a fighting chance, it's me and Addison."

"And me," Mark inserted.

"And you," Derek conceded. He turned back to the chief. "Addison and I … we're the only ones skilled enough to try it."

"And the only ones arrogant enough to try it," Mark quipped.

Derek gave Mark a condescending headshake before turning his attention back to Richard. "We're the only ones skilled enough to try it."

Richard raised an eyebrow. "You and Addison are on the same page about this?" It had been a long time since he last heard Derek use the word _we_ to describe him and Addison.

Derek nodded. "We know it's a long shot. But we think it's a shot worth taking. We're Mason's best chance."

"Mason?" Richard looked at Derek pointedly. "Is that the baby's name?"

Derek nodded. "That's what his parents are calling him."

Richard nodded, and Derek could see the look of relief spread across the older man's face.

"Don't look so relieved," Derek warned. "You and I both know she's going to be attached."

"I know," Richard agreed with a sigh. "Anyway," he continued, picking up one of Mason's scans and studying it closely. "You're right; it's a long shot. But if you're successful, it'll mean good publicity for the hospital. And I trust Addison."

"Just Addison?" Derek asked.

Richard shook his head. "No. I trust you too." He met Mark and Alex's eyes. "I trust all of you. Just, remember," he continued, turning his attention back to Derek, "it's already a complicated, delicate situation. So, please, whatever you do, try not to make things more complicated."

xxxxx

"Can I tell you something?" Addison smiled as she walked into Derek's office. "I'm glad you agreed to take on this case."

Derek looked up from Mason's scans. "Hey," he grinned. He quickly got up from his desk and wrapped his ex-wife in a hug. "It's really good to see you."

"Yeah, you too."

Derek looked at her suspiciously. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Addison answered quickly. "Everything's fine." She knew her voice sounded shaky. And Derek knew her better than anyone; she wasn't surprised that he'd picked up on the uneasiness her voice. So she changed the topic to something that had always been easy and uncomplicated for them—medicine.

"Are those Mason's," she asked gesturing to the scans sprawled across Derek's desk.

"Yeah. They're his latest ones. Do you want to take a look?"

Addison nodded. "Thanks," she said, accepting the scans from Derek.

She'd seen the scans before. She'd probably looked at them a hundred times. Which was good, because right now she couldn't focus on them.

She knew she had to tell Derek. He deserved to know.

"So what do you think about the baby?" Derek asked, coming up behind her.

"What?" Addison gasped in surprise, wondering how he could possibly know. "I, um, uh …" she trailed off ungracefully. "What?"

"Mason," Derek clarified. He was standing so close to her, she could feel his breath against her neck. "What do you think his odds are?"

"Oh," Addison breathed. "Right." She turned to face her ex-husband, her eyes serious. "His chances don't look great, Derek. I've never seen such a severe encephalocele case before."

"Me either."

Addison swallowed thickly. "Are we fighting a losing battle?"

"I don't know," Derek admitted. "I mean, a year or two ago, I would have said we are. But now … things are different. We're Mason's best chance. He needs someone to fight for him, Addie."

She turned his words over in her head. Technically they were her words … from the very first case they worked on together in Seattle. It was nice to know he'd been listening. It was nice to know she'd been heard.

"I'm attached," Addison admitted quietly. "To Mason. To his family. I know I shouldn't be, but I am."

A small smile spread across Derek's face. "You wouldn't be you if you weren't attached."

"I guess."

In all honesty, he was attached too. Not so much to Mason or Mason's family—the Richardsons. He hadn't met them yet.

But he was attached to the case because it gave him an excuse to see Addison. And seeing Addison—even just talking to her—brought back something he hadn't realized he was missing. Something he'd taken for granted. Something that, before his trip to the Hamptons, he didn't think he'd be able to recapture. But now, he wasn't so sure.

"And I know it's terrible," Addison continued, ripping Derek from his thoughts. "But I'm attached for selfish reasons too. I mean, of course, I want to save Mason for his sake and his family's sake. But also for my own." She sighed. "I miss working on tough cases. The surgeries I do in LA are all relatively routine and the exciting ones are few and far between."

"Well, that's kind of your own fault," Derek smirked. "I mean, what were you expecting when you decided to work at a place called Oceanside Wellness?"

"Shut up," Addison muttered, nudging Derek with her elbow. "You wouldn't be working on this case if it weren't for me."

"True," Derek conceded, offering Addison a smooth smile. "By the way, do you remember the brand of the cookie dough ice cream we had that night in the Hamptons? I've been trying to find it out here, but none of the brands I've tried so far are as good as the one we had that night."

Addison laughed. "It was just Ben & Jerry's, Derek. Nothing fancy."

"Oh," Derek chuckled. "I thought it was something more expensive."

"No," Addison said, shaking her head. "But I'll cut you some slack. You don't eat ice cream often. And you certainly don't eat cookie dough ice cream often."

"Actually cookie dough ice cream sounds pretty good right now, doesn't it?"

"Derek, it's ten in the morning."

"I know."

Addison sighed. In all honesty, cookie dough ice cream didn't sound bad. And unbeknownst to Derek, ice cream was one of the few foods that didn't send her running to the bathroom immediately after she ate it.

Which brought her back to the other issue at hand … telling Derek she was pregnant.

Now was as good a time as any. They were alone. He seemed to be in a good mood. She just needed to rip the Band-Aid off.

"Hey, Derek?" she began tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"I, uh, I just …"

"Addison?" Derek prompted in concern.

"I, um … maybe we could get some cookie dough ice cream after we meet with the Richardsons."

A warm smile spread across Derek's face. "I'd like that."

"Me too."

She ran a hand through her hair, silently cursing her spinelessness. Derek deserved to know. She had to tell him.

"Oh, and Derek?" she called out again, resolving not to lose her nerve this time.

"Yeah?"

"I-I just … I wanted to tell you …"

But she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

"I, uh, I wanted to tell you …"

"Tell me what?" Derek asked, looking at her curiously.

"That, um …" She shook her head in defeat and sighed heavily. "That shirt looks great on you."

xxxxx

"So, how'd it go?" Naomi asked.

Addison sighed into the phone. "Derek agreed to take on the encephalocele case. We already ran a series of tests this morning and we're going to run some tomorrow to determine our course of treatment."

"So you're going to be Seattle for a while then?"

"I guess. It depends on the case."

"Okay. So, now that we've talked about work, let's talk about your personal life. How did Derek take the news?"

"I, um … well, he …"

"Addie …" Naomi chided. "Please tell me you told him."

"I haven't told him yet."

"Addison," Naomi scolded. "You have to tell him. You can't not tell him."

"I know," Addison admitted. "There just hasn't been a good time yet."

"Is there ever going to be a good time to tell him?"

Addison sighed. "I don't know. I just … when I hang up with you, Derek and I are going to get cookie dough ice cream together. I'll tell him then."

"Good. It's about time."

"Not my ideal way of sharing this type of news," Addison muttered. "But then again this whole situation isn't exactly ideal."

"Addison," Naomi scolded. "This _is_ good news. And I know you don't believe it, but I honestly think that Derek's going to think it's good news too."

"Maybe," Addison shrugged. "Anyway, I've got to go. I was supposed to meet Derek in the hospital lobby five minutes ago. I'll talk to you later, Nae."

"Bye, Addie. Good luck."

xxxxx

"You were good with Julie," Derek complimented.

Addison shrugged. "I didn't really do much. It was just a consult."

"No," Derek disagreed. "She trusts you." He plunged his spoon into his pint of ice cream. "That's huge in a case like this."

"She trusts you too," Addison pointed out as she nervously fiddled with her own pint of ice cream.

After their consult, she and Derek went to a nearby store to pick up two pints of Ben and Jerry's. Now they were sitting together on a bench just outside the hospital eating their ice cream.

Well, he was eating.

"This is good," Derek approved, swallowing another spoonful of ice cream. "Not as good as it was that night in the Hamptons," he smirked. "But still good." He looked at his ex-wife closely. "Are you okay? You're not eating your ice cream."

"I, um, I have to tell you something, Derek."

"Is everything okay?" Derek asked quickly, registering the serious tone in his ex-wife's voice.

"Yeah. Um, everything's okay. "It's just …" She met his eyes and quickly looked away. "I'm pregnant."

"Wait, what?"

"I'm pregnant," Addison repeated.

He tried to say something, but found himself unable to form words.

But he quickly found that he didn't need words to piece the story together.

He gleaned from Addison's expression alone that it happened in the Hamptons … the baby was his … and she was keeping it.

"Derek I'm so sorry."

"I … um … I thought you said … uh …"

"I know," Addison said, easily making sense of Derek's incoherence.

And even though he had every right to question her alleged infertility, admittedly, she wished he hadn't.

She looked at him apologetically. "You must think I'm the world's biggest liar. But I will show you any test you want to see. I'll have Naomi send over my files. And if you want a patern-"

"I don't."

"What?"

"I don't want a paternity test," Derek said, suddenly finding his voice. "And I don't want to see the series of tests Naomi ran on you."

"I … okay."

"A bunch of tests and papers aren't going to change the situation," he muttered, not quietly enough.

Addison flinched at that. "Derek, I—"

"I just … I need a minute," Derek interrupted, massaging his temples. "Alone. Away from all this," he added, gesturing vaguely. "I can't think about this, right now."

Addison swallowed thickly. "Oh, okay," she choked out, even though it wasn't okay. Not even close.

She was prepared for Derek to be shocked or angry. She was prepared for him to feel lied to or betrayed. And even though she knew it was a long shot, Naomi's optimism had prepared Addison for the small chance that Derek might be happy. Ecstatic, even.

What she wasn't prepared for was for him to walk away. But as she watched his retreating form, she couldn't help thinking that maybe she should have. After all, walking away was what he did best.

xxxxx

Derek sat outside his trailer, nursing a glass of scotch. He'd left work early, claiming that he was feeling sick and nauseous. It wasn't untrue, but looking back, he wished he would have used a different cover story. Based on what he knew about pregnancy, he assumed Addison probably was dealing with her fair share of nausea (not that he'd bothered to ask), which would make what he was experiencing … sympathy pains.

Except he hadn't showed her much sympathy.

It had literarily taken him two sips of scotch to realize he could have handled things better. Sure, it was a messy, confusing, complicated situation; but he could have handled it better.

She had told him that he was going to be a father. And he'd responded by putting his own feelings first, shutting down conversation, and running away from the situation.

Not very dad-like.

He'd always wanted kids. And for a significant portion of his adult life, he'd wanted kids with Addison.

But now things were complicated.

Lately, things between him and Addison had been good (well, they had been until a few hours ago). Since returning from the Hamptons, they texted, spoke regularly … even flirted. And he'd been looking forward to having her in Seattle … working with her, spending time with her, and a small part of him even had faint hopes of rekindling things with her.

Maybe their post-Hamptons dynamic was a mistake. But it was a mistake that he and Addison could afford to make. They were adults and could handle it. But this was not a mistake they could drag an innocent baby into.

Without thinking about it, he dialed Addison's number.

She picked up on the second ring.

"I'm surprised you answered."

"Dodging calls is your signature move, not mine," she responded coolly.

He couldn't exactly argue with her there.

"I was worried you might be calling about Mason," she admitted after a moment.

"No," Derek said quietly. "I'm calling to talk about us. And what happened this afternoon. Addison, I'm sorry."

"I am too. I shouldn't have just dumped that news on—"

"Addison, only one of us owes the other one an apology right now … and it's not you. So, let me apologize. I got overwhelmed and I shut down. And I'm sorry."

"It's an overwhelming situation."

"It is," Derek agreed. "But I'm in. I want to be there. I _have_ to be there."

"I know," Addison said quietly. "I knew you'd say that."

"And not just because of what happened to my dad," Derek clarified. "I mean, yes, that's part of it. I missed out on having growing up with my dad and having a relationship with him, and I could never knowingly do the same to someone else. But it's more than that. I want a relationship with my child. I want to be in our child's life."

Addison nodded mutely. At the end of the day, there was never any doubt in her mind that Derek would be a good father.

"And I want to be there for birthdays and holidays," Derek continued. "And baseball games or dance recitals … even if it means I have to be in the same room as Archer and your parents several times a year."

Addison chuckled at that. "I wouldn't count on Bizzy and the Captain being doting grandparents." She sighed heavily. "But, yeah, I guess having a kid together kind of makes us permanent parts of each other's lives, huh?"

"Yeah," Derek agreed. "But you were already a pretty permanent part of my life before this … despite our divorce."

"Der-"

"It's true," Derek insisted. "You're one the main things that got me through med. school and residency. You knew me when I was a nervous medical student. And you were there when I was named head of Neuro at Mt. Sinai. So much of my professional identity is wrapped up in you."

Addison swallowed thickly. She wanted to argue with him, but she couldn't. Because so much of her professional identity was wrapped up in him. And not just her professional identity.

"My bank PIN is your birthday," she admitted. "I, uh, I never changed it."

Derek chuckled. "Mine's our anniversary. Hey, Addison?" he asked, suddenly growing serious.

"Yeah?"

"Let's redo this afternoon. Tell me you're pregnant again."

"What?" Addison asked in confusion. "Like, right now?"

"No."

"I'm confused."

"You and I have watched my sisters announce their pregnancies at family gatherings for over a decade. Some of the announcements have been cute, others have been tacky, and some have been downright awful. And you always said that you didn't care about the big family announcement … and that when the time came for us, you already knew how you wanted to tell me."

Addison swallowed roughly, surprised for the second time that day that her ex-husband so vividly remembered something she'd told him. "I don't know about this, Derek."

"Come on, Addison," Derek pleaded. "This will likely be the only time you get to do this. And this afternoon didn't go well. Let's do it right."

Addison felt her lip quiver involuntarily. Technically, this wasn't the only time she'd ever done this. The thought made her nauseous (more nauseous).

"Please, Addison," Derek begged. "We deserve this."

Addison sighed. She was pretty sure she didn't deserve the cutesy pregnancy announcement. Not with her past. But maybe Derek did. And she was never very good at saying no to Derek anyway.

"Okay," she agreed after a minute. "I'll do it."

"You will?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

Addison felt her throat quiver "So, um, do you want to talk logistics? You know, how we plan to handle the complicated situation we've found ourselves in?" she asked, desperate to change the subject. "Or have we met our daily quota for big, life-changing discussions?"

Derek chuckled. "You're going to be here a while. At least I hope you are," he amended, growing serious.

Addison nodded. If things with Mason went well, she'd be in Seattle a while. If they didn't, she wouldn't.

"There's going to be plenty of time for us to talk about logistics," Derek continued. "But tonight … I think I just need to let everything sink in."

"Yeah," Addison agreed. In all honesty, it was easier this way. And right now, she'd kill for simplicity … even if it meant delaying the inevitable. "Well, um I should probably go."

"Yeah, me too, I guess. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Good night, Derek."

"Good night, Addison."

"Hey, Derek?" Addison called out, just as they were about to hang up the phone. "Can I tell you something?"

Derek chuckled. "Yeah."

"I'm glad you called."

He smiled. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"I'm glad you answered."

xxxxx

Derek walked into the hospital early the next morning carrying a few bottles of what he knew to be Addison's favorite brand of ginger ale. He knew yesterday afternoon wasn't exactly his best showing of a reliable father-to-be … or even of a decent human being; and he felt like he still had some ground to make up with Addison.

Sure, the ginger ale was a small gesture, but it was start.

He moved to get his office keys from his pocket, but saw that his office door was already unlocked. He usually locked his office before going home for the evening; but he'd left the hospital yesterday in such a rush that it was very plausible that he accidentally left his office door open.

Nothing appeared to be missing. And a small smile formed on his face when he realized that the opposite was true. Sitting on his desk was a rectangular gift, wrapped in shiny silver wrapping paper.

From Addison, of course.

A small card sat on the top of the gift. It didn't have a message … just his name – _Derek Shepherd, M.D._ – written in what he easily recognized as Addison's handwriting.

The _M.D._ part struck him as a little odd given the context. But then again, he worked hard for those letters at the end of his name, and Addison knew that.

He opened the gift and immediately felt a broad smile spread across his face and his heart flutter in his chest. Addison had given him a small, sterling silver double picture frame.

On the left side was his business card from when he was the head of neuro at Mt. Sinai (his very first dream job). His name was printed across the card in black letters.

 _Derek Shepherd, M.D._

On the right side was a sonogram picture. And underneath the picture, in Addison's handwriting, was his name.

 _Derek Shepherd, M.D. (My Dad)_

Looking at the double picture frame, Derek knew three things for certain.

The first … it was the most perfect pregnancy announcement he could ever imagine. (But Addison used to say that all people felt that way about their own pregnancy announcements).

The second … his son or daughter was the most perfect baby he'd ever seen ... even if he or she was just a clump of cells right now. (Again, Addison used to say all new parents felt that way about their own sonogram pictures).

The third … he couldn't remember what the third thing was. But that didn't matter; because, right now, the first two things were more than enough for him.

* * *

A/N 2: Just want to give credit where it's due. I got the idea for the pregnancy announcement from a Father's Day gift a friend of mine bought her husband (who's an M.D.) from their daughter – a poem about how M.D. actually stands for My Dad. I thought the idea was adorable, but I also wanted to tweak it for this story. Addison and Derek don't really strike me as poem people, and I also wanted something that equally acknowledged both Derek's medical degree and impending fatherhood.

Anyway, sorry for the long author's note. I hope you liked the chapter. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks so much for your feedback on the last chapter! I love hearing what you think. Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. And as always, thanks so much for reading!

* * *

Addison hated to admit it, but a small part of her thought things would be easier if Derek hated the pregnancy announcement she came up with for him.

Realistically, she knew he wouldn't hate it. She'd been saving the idea for half a decade, after all.

And she was happy he liked it. But at the same time, she wondered if it might have helped with the guilt she was feeling if he'd hated it.

 _We deserve this_. That's what Derek had told her when he was trying to convince her to come up with a cute pregnancy announcement for him. Initially, she was against it. But she eventually gave in.

He deserved it. But, she was fairly certain that if Derek knew about what had happened between her and Mark, he wouldn't think _she_ deserved it. And, as far as she was concerned, he'd be right.

He'd also probably want nothing to do with her.

Her abortion wasn't his business. Technically, she didn't have to tell him anything. But that didn't stop the guilt … which was strange because she'd been hiding things from people her whole life.

She'd kept the Captain's parade of women a secret from Bizzy. To this day, she still never told her mother about all of the women her father had cheated (and still was cheating) on her with. And she hadn't told Derek about her abortion when she'd first moved out to Seattle and was trying to repair her marriage.

But now, for whatever reason, the idea of hiding things from Derek felt exhausting.

Unfortunately, the idea of not hiding things from Derek felt equally exhausting, if not more exhausting.

"Dr. Montgomery?" Derek prompted, cutting into Addison's thoughts.

Addison blinked in confusion. "I, uh, sorry," Addison apologized.

"I was just saying," Derek continued, "that you were going to explain to Julie and Matthew the course of action that we decided on for their baby."

"That's right," Addison recovered. She turned to the expectant parents. "After running some more tests, Dr. Shepherd and I have determined that our best option is to wait until the baby—"

"Mason," Julie cut in.

"Mason," Addison amended. "We're going to wait until after Mason is born to do surgery. We want him to be as strong as possible when we operate on him. So, our goal is for him to have as much time in utero as possible."

Julie nodded mutely as Matthew rubbed his wife's hand reassuringly.

"We'll continue to monitor Mason's brain, and if the encephalocele grows too large, or if Dr. Shepherd notices neurological complications, I'll perform an emergency C-section. But our preference is to have your water break on its own, Julie. And from there, perform a C-section. After that, Dr. Shepherd and I will continue to monitor Mason. Our plan is perform the surgery when he's three to four months old, but there are lots of different factors that could affect this."

She took in Julie's tearful expression … Matthew's shell-shocked one. "I know this is a lot of information to absorb," she apologized. "But if you have any questions … now or at any point down the line, Dr. Shepherd and I are happy to answer them."

"I, uh … I have a question," Julie choked out.

"Sure," Addison nodded.

Julie swallowed thickly. "If Mason survives all this … what are the chances that he'll go on to live a normal life?"

"Well," Addison began delicately. "Every case is different."

"I know," Julie sputtered. "But what do you think?"

Addison and Derek exchanged a glance at this.

"Based on the size and location of Mason's encephalocele, there's a seventy-five percent chance that he'll exhibit some form of mental or physical impairment," Derek said, doing his best to keep his voice neutral.

"Seventy-five percent?" Julie asked disbelievingly. "You're saying that after everything my son's going to go through, it's still pretty much guaranteed that his life's going to be more difficult than everyone else's? It just … it doesn't seem fair."

Addison nodded sympathetically. She turned to Derek and they shared a wordless look. "I understand this is a lot of information to take in," Addison repeated gently. "Why don't we give you two a few minutes alone?"

"Okay," Julie sniffled, as Addison and Derek silently exited the room.

"Wow," Derek breathed once they were a safe distance away.

"I know," Addison agreed. "I just … I wish I could do more for them."

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "I-"

But he was cut off by Matthew, who was approaching them.

"Dr. Montgomery … Dr. Shepherd."

"Matthew," Addison said, offering the younger man a small smile. "Is everything okay? Does Julie need us?"

"No," Matthew said quickly. "Julie's, um … she's fine. I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"Sure," Addison nodded. "Should we head back to Julie's room?"

Matthew shook his head. "No. I was actually hoping I could talk to the two of you alone."

"Okay," Derek agreed. He met Matthew's eyes. "What can we do for you?"

Matthew shifted uncomfortably. "I know you just told us about how your plan is to do surgery after the baby is born. But I was wondering … can we talk about other options?"

Addison and Derek exchanged a bewildered glance. "You're more than welcome to get a second opinion," Addison began. "But Dr. Shepherd and I both agree that it's too risky to perform surgery in utero. We strongly believe that performing the surgery a few months after your son is born will—"

"I'm talking about an abortion."

"Oh," Addison said quietly. "I thought Julie said—"

"I know what Julie said," Matthew cut in. "But I also know what Julie can handle. And I know what I can handle. And I know what Julie and I can handle. And we _can't_ handle this."

"Matthew," Addison began gently. "Have you talked to Julie about this?"

"Are you kidding me? There is no talking to Julie. She wants this baby. Don't get me wrong, I do too. But, for her, abortion isn't an option. There's no getting through to her." He sighed heavily. "Look, I'm not a bad person. I love my wife. I do. It's just …" he trailed off. "Are you two married?"

"What?" Derek asked in surprise. "We used to be mar—"

"Why do you ask?" Addison interrupted before Derek could finish and overshare the intimate details of their personal lives.

"It's just … marriage is hard. I mean, talking to your wife sounds easy on paper. But in a situation like this, it's not that easy."

"I understand," Addison said sympathetically. "But Julie needs to know where you stand on this. I'm not going to lie to you; the road ahead isn't an easy one. And you and Julie need to be on the same page because regardless of the outcome, she's going to need you and you're going to need her."

"Maybe we can find someone for you to talk to," Derek suggested. "What you're going through isn't easy. Talking to someone might help."

"And what would I say? That my son's going to die and there's nothing I can do about it?" Matthew's eyes flashed angrily. "I may not be a doctor, but I've spent enough time on the internet to know the stats." He sighed in defeat, his voice dull and flat. "Only one in five babies with an encephalocele are born alive. So my son will mostly likely die before he's even born. And if he is born alive, he only has a fifty percent survival rate. And if he does survive, he's not going to live a normal life."

"Matthew," Addison said gently.

"This isn't how it was supposed to be. This isn't what Julie and I had planned for. We had it all planned out." Matthew swallowed thickly. "We wanted one boy and one girl … Mason and Jessica." A slight smile spread across Matthew's face. "Matthew, Mason, Julie, Jessica."

Addison gave Matthew a sympathetic smile. Honestly the matchy-matchy names were a little saccharine sweet for her taste. But she kept that to herself.

" _This_ isn't what we planned for," Matthew continued. "I can't handle this. Julie can't handle this. And our son doesn't deserve this. So, I need you to talk to Julie about getting an abortion."

"Dr. Montgomery told Julie that many patients in her situation choose to terminate the pregnancy," Derek reminded Matthew. "Julie knows she can terminate. She doesn't want to."

"No, she doesn't know what she wants," Matthew insisted. "You have to talk to her."

"Dr. Montgomery already has," Derek pointed out. "Matthew, if you want Julie to think about reconsidering, having me or Dr. Montgomery bring it up isn't going to do much. You need to be the one to have this conversation with your wife."

"I can't. If I do, I'm the jerk who's forcing his wife to get an abortion."

"It doesn't have to be that way," Addison said. "Your concerns are valid. You should share them with Julie."

"She's going to think I'm a bad father. How could she not?"

"She won't," Derek said gently, shaking his head. "Matthew…"

"Are you a father, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I …" Derek trailed off.

"Sorry, it's none of my business," Matthew apologized, sensing Derek's discomfort. "The thing is … I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad husband. And I'm not a bad father. I just … I don't want my wife and son to suffer any more than they have to. And an abortion … that'll minimize the suffering."

"For you or for Julie?" Derek asked.

"For both of us. And for our son. But Julie … she just doesn't see it that way. And I can't make her see it that way. But maybe you two can."

Addison shook her head. "Like Dr. Shepherd said we'd be more than happy to set you and Julie up with a counselor. We could find someone who specializes in what you and Julie are going through."

Matthew scoffed. "I doubt there's anyone in the world that specializes in what Julie and I are going through."

"We could find someone," Derek insisted. "And give Julie a little credit. Talk to your wife. I know you don't think it'll help. But give her the chance to hear your perspective."

"Thanks but no thanks. You don't know my wife."

"Maybe not, but—"

"Dr. Shepherd …?"

"Yes?"

"I'd say it's pretty clear from speaking with you that you're not married and don't have kids. And if that's not the case … well, that brings up a whole other set of issues. But I'm pretty sure I'm right about you. So as much as I appreciate your medical opinion, I'm not interested in your non-medical perspective on what I'm going through."

xxxxx

"Another one, Joe." Addison cocked her head towards Derek. "Make his a double."

Joe looked at Addison and smirked. "Two ginger ales coming right up."

"Thanks." Addison smiled, as Joe set two ginger ales in front her of her and Derek.

"Take it easy, you two," Joe teased. "I don't want to have to cut you off."

"Don't worry," Derek muttered. "We'll be responsible. We have to head back to the hospital in a few hours to run some more tests on a patient." He looked at his ginger ale wistfully. "I really wish this were scotch."

Joe raised an eyebrow. "Rough day?"

Derek sighed. "Yeah, kind of."

"Sorry," Joe apologized before walking away to serve other customers.

Addison turned to Derek. "You can't let what Matthew said get to you. He's scared and angry. He didn't mean what he said. And even if he did, he was one for two."

"What?"

"You're not married."

"But I was. I was married for eleven years. I understand marriage."

"Derek, he didn't mean it."

"I know. I just … wasn't expecting it."

That was a half-truth. Sure, he wasn't expecting Matthew to say those things. But, deep down, Derek also knew that he hadn't been a gold-star husband. And this provoked another fear in him—that he wouldn't be a great father either.

"Stop overthinking this," Addison warned. "Overthinking things is my job."

Derek looked up from his glass of ginger ale and met Addison's eyes. "What if he's right?"

"He's not."

Derek shrugged, unconvinced, and turned his attention back to his ginger ale.

And Addison felt her heart sink.

Had Matthew only criticized Derek Shepherd, the husband, she likely wouldn't have thought much of it … and she assumed Derek wouldn't have either. Mostly, because Matthew wouldn't have been wrong.

But Matthew's implication that Derek wouldn't be a good father was a low blow. Impending parenthood is scary for pretty much everyone … and even the most baseless opinions have the potential to shake a person.

"The thing is, I feel bad for Matthew," Derek admitted, cutting into Addison's thoughts. "That's a big secret he's hiding from Julie. It can't be easy."

Addison swallowed thickly, reminded of her own secret that she'd been keeping from Derek. And, suddenly, the guilt overwhelmed her. She took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down. But it did little good.

"Addison?" Derek asked, noticing the change in his ex-wife's demeanor.

"Derek, I need to tell you something." The words tumbled from her lips before she even realized what she was saying.

"Okay, sure. What is it?"

"I, uh, you know what? Never mind. It's not important."

"Addison." He took in her look of discomfort and felt his stomach tense up. "Are you, um … are you trying to say … are you considering terminating?"

"What?" Addison gasped; shocked by how simultaneously close and far away Derek was to where her head was at right now. "No," she said quickly, taking in Derek's sheet-white expression. She met his eyes. "Derek, no."

He nodded weakly. He knew his initial reaction hadn't exactly been the best when Addison had first told him she was pregnant. But he was attached … maybe more than he'd realized.

"Why don't we go somewhere where we can talk privately," Addison suggested. She glanced at her watch. "We still have some time before we need to go back to the hospital. Do you want to go to your trailer?"

"No," Derek said quickly, surprising Addison with the abruptness of his answer. "What I meant was … I think it's better if we stay close by."

In the end they decided on a bench right outside the hospital.

"Addison, you're scaring me," Derek admitted vulnerably after a couple of minutes of sitting together in silence. "Whatever it is …" he trailed off.

Maybe it was better that Derek didn't finish his sentence, Addison reflected as a she ran a nervous hand through her hair. Typically, the missing words in Derek's sentence were _we can handle it. Whatever it is, we can handle it._ But that was the thing, she wasn't sure they could.

Once upon a time, she believed she and Derek could handle anything. Over time, though, she grew to believe that she and Derek were incapable of handling even the smallest things. And now … now she didn't know what to believe.

"Addie," Derek prompted again, his eyes pleading.

"Okay. I … I guess there's no polite way to say this," Addison began hesitantly. "No way to sugarcoat it. I was never planning on telling you. But, lately, with everything that's going on, it's been weighing on me. And then seeing Matthew today … and seeing how much it's killing him keeping something from Julie … it just … it made me think I should tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"After you left for Seattle, I stayed with Mark. I know you know this."

Derek nodded mutely.

"What you don't know … what I never told you … was that I got pregnant. And had an abortion."

She waited for him to react. To yell or walk away or say something. But Derek wasn't saying anything. She willed herself to meet his eyes. He looked sad, but not shocked.

"Derek?" she said after a minute.

"I already knew." His voice was soft … so quiet she wasn't sure she heard him correctly.

"What?"

"I already knew."

"But? How?"

"Mark told me."

"Mark told you?" Technically, she couldn't be mad. It was Mark's story to tell as well.

"One night, shortly after you'd left for LA, I was at Joe's. And Mark was there. And he was really drunk. Like really drunk, Addison."

"And he told you?"

"Kind of. Like I said, he was really drunk. He thought I was Callie."

"What?"

Derek shrugged. "We both have dark hair." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I didn't realize that Mark and Callie were, uh … intimate." Though, in all honesty, he could have lived without knowing this small fact. Mark may have been too drunk to remember, but Derek certainly wasn't; he was still trying to repress memories of Mark drunkenly attempting to graze his thigh.

He sighed heavily. "Anyway, I'm guessing either you or Mark or both of you talked to Callie about the abortion because Mark was pretty open about it with me that night."

"Derek, I …" Addison trailed off, unsure what to say. "Wait a minute," she said, cutting herself off. "You knew about it when I saw you in the Hamptons?"

He nodded.

"And you were still nice to me?"

He shrugged.

"Derek I'm …" But again she couldn't find the words. Sorry was close, but it wasn't quite right.

He studied her closely, his eyes soft. "It must have been so hard for you," he said after a minute.

She swallowed thickly. "You don't have to be nice to me, Derek."

"Why? I'm not angry. I mean, I was. But I'm not anymore."

"You were angry?" Addison asked, unsure whether if this was a discussion better left undiscussed.

"The night Mark told me, I didn't take it so well."

"You didn't punch him, did you?" Addison asked, cringing slightly.

"No. I actually put him in a cab," Derek said, chuckling, before growing serious. "Then I put my fist through one of the walls of my trailer. Well, I tried to. It's indented where I punched it." He looked at her guiltily. "That's why I didn't want to go back to the trailer with you today. I haven't gotten around to fixing it yet."

Addison sniffled involuntarily. Honestly, she didn't know what to expect when she told Derek about her abortion. What she hadn't expected was for him to be so level-headed.

"Are you okay, Addie?" Derek asked, still looking at his ex-wife closely.

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "I'm just … I'm okay." She met his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"This really isn't about me. Once upon a time … yes, it would have been about me. But it's not anymore. And I've had my time to process things. So, making this about me now … that's not fair."

She meant to say thank you … for making this so easy for her. She meant to ask him when he changed … back into a guy who closely resembled the man she had married all those years ago.

But the words didn't come.

Instead, she molded her lips against his and kissed him softly. He responded in kind, kissing her back, just as softly, just as tenderly. Instinctively, she raked her fingers through his dark curls and allowed herself, for just a moment, to get lost in the kiss.

The moment only lasted briefly because all of sudden, her and Derek's pagers began sounding wildly.

They quickly broke apart and checked their pagers.

"Julie," Addison breathed.

"Yeah," Derek panted. "911."

xxxxx

People say light travels faster than sound. But maybe that's only true for thunder and lightning. Because Addison and Derek could hear what was happening before they could see it.

A woman sobbing … a man yelling … and chorus of commotion. That's what they heard as they raced through the halls of the hospital.

"That's Julie," Addison shuddered, without even having to look.

"And Matthew," Derek added somberly.

And as they got closer, the sobbing and yelling got louder and easier to make out.

"Don't I get a say?" they heard Matthew demand.

"I thought we were on the same page about this," Julie yelled back through her tears. "You never once led me to believe otherwise."

When they reached Julie's room, and light finally caught up with sound, they could see that Julie's face was ghostly pale and Matthew's was bright red.

They could also see that Julie's breathing was elevated and that several nurses were trying to restrain her.

"We weren't sure what to do," one of the nurses explained to the ex-married couple helplessly. "We can't get things under control in here."

"Clearly," Derek muttered under his breath.

"What's going on?" Addison asked in confusion.

"I told her," Matthew said angrily, his hands shaking. "I told her I wanted her to get an abortion. And just like I knew she would, she freaked out."

"Can you blame me?" Julie shot back. "I thought we were in agreement. I thought you—"

"You thought a lot of things, Julie," Matthew snapped. "And now I'm the one who has some thinking to do. So, if you'll excuse me."

And with that, he pushed past a hysterical Julie, who was still being restrained by nurses … past Addison … past Derek … and straight out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you so much for your feedback on the last chapter! I love hearing your thoughts. Like many of you, I also really like it when Addison and Derek act like adults, so I really enjoyed writing Derek in the last chapter. Which brings us to this chapter … I'm so sorry for taking so long to update this. Hopefully, people are still interested in this story.

Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. And as always, thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

Derek knew he should be focusing on Julie—his distraught patient with a very high-risk pregnancy, whose husband had just stormed out on her.

But he couldn't focus on her.

As much as he tried to focus on Julie, his attention kept drifting back to Addison, who was busy reassuring Julie and trying to keep her calm.

To most outsiders looking in, Addison was the picture of composure. But Derek wasn't an outsider. And he could see that behind the calm façade she was putting on for Julie was something else … hurt.

"Maybe he went to the gift shop or to get a bite to eat," Derek supplied, doing his best to be reassuring.

But Addison shook her head firmly, silently communicating that he had chosen the exact wrong thing to say.

"It's going to be okay," Derek ventured, trying again to be supportive. "I'm sure he'll be back soon."

And, again, Addison shot him a disapproving look. Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say either.

Derek gave Addison an exaggerated shrug. "What?" he mouthed; his irritation obvious.

Addison quickly glanced at Julie, who was too upset to notice Derek's little display.

"Dr. Shepherd, can I speak to you for a moment outside?" she asked with forced politeness.

"Absolutely," Derek responded in an equally stilted voice.

Addison patted Julie's arm. "I'll be right back," she promised the young women. She turned to her ex-husband. "Dr. Shepherd, please get a nurse to stay with Julie."

Derek did as he was told; and after reassuring Julie a couple more times that she'd be right back, Addison led Derek into an empty hallway.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

Derek blinked. "Um … trying to be helpful. Trying to be optimistic."

"Well, you're not being helpful."

"What are you talking about, Addison?"

"You can't tell Julie that everything's going to be okay. You don't know that."

"But-"

"And you can't tell her that Matthew's going to come back. Because you don't know that either."

"Well, you don't know that he's not," Derek countered. "What makes you the expert?"

Addison shook her head, silently communicating that she didn't want to go there.

But Derek was insistent. "What makes you the authority on this?"

"Derek."

"No. What makes you the expert, Addison?"

Addison sighed heavily. "Let's just say I know what it's like to have my husband walk out on me."

"That's not the same, Addison," Derek shot back, his eyes flashing angrily.

"I didn't say it was the same," Addison countered, just as angrily. "I just said I know what it's like."

"Except that Julie did nothing wrong," Derek reminded her. "Whereas you—"

"I'm going to stop you before you say something stupid," Addison interrupted. "Stupider," she amended quietly.

She shook her head. Less than an hour ago, she and Derek were kissing. Now, they were at each other's throats. "Can we just … not go down this path?" she begged her ex-husband. "Not right now, at least."

Derek sighed heavily. Addison was right. This line of thinking would get them nowhere.

Now wasn't the time to play the blame game. He and Addison had both contributed to the collapse of their marriage. He'd messed up; she'd messed up. They were truly equals in every way.

"I was just trying to help," he said, extending the metaphorical olive branch.

"I know."

"I still think there's a good chance he'll come back."

Addison looked at her ex-husband sadly. "Did you?"

"I …" There was no point in lying, no point in blaming her. She asked him a simple question, she deserved a simple answer. "No." He shook his head. "But maybe Matthew isn't me."

"I don't know," Addison admitted, running a hand through her hair.

And as Derek studied his ex-wife closely, he realized that maybe he'd misread Addison's interaction with Julie. He thought he'd detected hurt in his ex-wife's eyes as she tried to comfort her patient. But maybe it was more than that. Maybe what he was really seeing was recognition … someone who could relate to what Julie was going through on a very real level.

"Just … don't make empty promises," Addison said, her eyes pleading. "Not to Julie. She's already going through enough."

He wanted to tell her that he didn't think he was making empty promises, but he could tell by looking at her that this wasn't up for debate.

So he changed the topic.

"I could get you something to eat or drink," he offered. "You know … while you comfort Julie."

Addison shrugged. "I guess you could get me some water." In all honesty, she wasn't thirsty or hungry. But she also didn't need Derek feeding Julie false hope.

"I'm getting you a bagel too," Derek mumbled.

"I don't want a bagel."

"Too bad, you're getting one."

"But—"

"I know, I know, you hate Seattle bagels."

"They shouldn't even be allowed to call them bagels," Addison muttered. "It's insulting to New York bagels … actual bagels."

Derek chuckled. "I'll tell you what, next time we're in New York, we'll get real bagels."

"We?" Addison asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I, uh … you, me, we." Derek shrugged, doing his best to salvage some type of recovery.

"Derek," Addison said, taking mercy on her ex-husband. "I've got to get back to Julie. Go get us something to eat and drink."

"Okay."

But he didn't. Not at first, at least.

He watched Addison walk into Julie's room … and then he lingered.

"What if he never comes back?" he heard Julie sob to Addison.

"Then you'll figure things out," Addison said reassuringly.

"I can't do this without him."

Addison nodded sympathetically. "If you have to you can. You're strong, Julie. So much stronger than you realize."

"You know what they say about people who hover in doorways?" a familiar voice cut in, ripping Derek from the scene he'd been observing.

"They're either coming from nowhere or going nowhere," Derek recited as he turned to face Mark.

"Exactly. So what the hell are you doing?"

Derek sighed. "Julie … our patient … her husband just stormed out on her. Couldn't handle the situation so he just … left. Addison's trying to comfort her. And I … I'm—"

"Getting a glimpse of what you left behind in New York," Mark filled in.

"I …" Derek trailed off, trying to come back with an angry retort, but coming up blank.

Mark peaked into Julie's room and took in the distraught-looking woman. "Yup, Addison looked a lot like that."

Derek sighed in defeat. "Do you think he'll come back?"

"The husband?"

"Yeah."

"You want my opinion?"

"God help me, but I do."

Mark looked at his friend closely, realizing he was even more messed up than he'd thought. "Do you want to talk about it? Whatever's bothering you … do you want to talk about it?"

"No." Derek shook his head. "Addison doesn't think he's coming back."

"That's understandable."

"I think he will."

Mark looked at his friend in confusion. "Are you asking me to break the tie?"

Derek shrugged. "I don't know what I want."

"You really want to know what I think?"

"I said I did."

"That husband and wife … they're not you and Addison."

"I didn't say—"

"You didn't have to."

"I know they're not me and Addison," Derek said stubbornly.

"I'm just saying you seem awfully invested in a relationship that isn't even yours."

"But Addison and I are—"

"Divorced," Mark filled in. "Yes, I know. But, Derek, I'm not blind. I haven't pieced the whole thing together yet, but I know you well enough to know that the way you've been acting lately is somehow connected to Addison."

"What?"

"Don't play dumb. It's not a great look on you. Come on, you dress up for work now. And you're … pleasant. Cheerful, even. Are you honestly going to try to tell me that all of this has nothing to do with Addison?"

Derek stared at his friend resolutely, unwilling to confirm or deny anything either way.

"Okay, fine," Mark sighed. "I get it. You don't want to talk about it. But, um, if you do … if you ever feel like talking about whatever it is … you can talk to me."

Derek nodded mutely. "Thank you."

"Sure," Mark shrugged. "Look, I've got to get ready for surgery, so I'll catch up with you later, okay?" He turned to walk away, but thought better of it. "And, Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Whatever you do …" Mark trailed off, discretely glancing into Julie's room again and taking in the scene in front of him. "Just … try not to hurt her again, okay?"

Derek swallowed roughly as he watched his friend's retreating form. A petty part of him wanted to yell out to Mark and demand that he turn around so he could ask him where the hell he got off giving that type of advice … and asking if he'd prefer to be the pot or the kettle.

But he didn't say a word.

Instead, he just stood there, frozen, turning Mark's words over in his head.

 _Don't hurt her this time._

Mark was perceptive enough to know that something was up between him and Addison. But at the same time, Mark didn't know the half of it.

Because this time, there was a child involved. And he and Addison had the potential do a lot more damage—and cause a lot more hurt—than they had in the past.

Mechanically, he made his way to the coffee cart to pick up a couple of bagels and some water. He'd finished paying and was turning to go back to Julie's room when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Matthew," Derek said in surprise as he took in the broken man in front of him.

Matthew's eyes were red and raw. He looked pale, nauseous, and all in all miserable.

"You're still here," Derek said, stating the obvious.

Matthew shook his head. "I made it to the parking lot," he began, his voice quivering. "I was sitting in my car, ready to leave. But I couldn't do it."

Derek nodded mutely.

"The thing is," Matthew continued, "I can't go back to Julie. I can't do that either." He sighed. "I looked up the stats—"

"I really wish you wouldn't do that."

Derek didn't need Addison shaking her head condescendingly to realize that it was the exact wrong thing to say. Sure, as a doctor, he hated when patients tried to challenge his medical expertise with a Google search. But now wasn't the time for this.

"Sorry, Matthew," he apologized. "You were saying?"

"Couples who lose a child are more likely to get divorced than couples who don't. So are couples who have a child with a disability."

"The divorce rates are slightly higher for both," Derek corrected. "But not drastically higher."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I'm a neurosurgeon and my ex-wife is a neonatal surgeon. Between the two of us, we've sat in on hundreds of patient consults with psychiatrists where those statistics were brought up."

Matthew nodded silently, and for a split second Derek wondered if it had been a misstep for him to bring up his ex-wife. But he quickly thought better of it. Addison was a large part of the reason that he knew those statistics in the first place (they affected his work, but they affected hers more). And it wasn't like Matthew knew who his ex-wife was; though given Matthew's propensity for looking things up on the internet, Derek wouldn't be surprised if Matthew already knew that he and Addison had been married. After all, a quick Google search on his wife and son's doctor would almost definitely show that Addison had once shared Derek's last name.

"What am I supposed to do?" Matthew asked, cutting into Derek's thoughts.

"I can't tell you that." Derek sighed. "What I can tell you is that you can't be half in. Not with something like this."

"Yeah, I know. It's just there are so many statistics and not one of them is good."

"I hear you," Derek agreed. "I love statistics. I like knowing what I'm up against, what the odds are. Statistics help make things clearer." He smiled slightly. "My ex-wife isn't crazy about statistics."

"Is that why you got divorced?"

"No." He shook his head. If only it were that simple. "She actually doesn't hate statistics," he amended. "And, obviously, as a doctor, she uses them all the time. But she thinks people rely too much on them. Because at the end of the day, every case is different. Every person is different. You and Julie aren't numbers … and neither is your son. You're people. People with circumstances that statistics can't capture."

Matthew swallowed roughly. "I can't go back to my wife yet. I just … not yet. Not until I figure things out."

Derek ran a hand through his hair. "She's really upset."

"I know. I saw."

"I'm talking about after you left. After you left … she got really upset. Worse than what you saw. You should—"

"I said I'm not ready to talk to her," Matthew said, growing irritated. "Stop trying to make me talk to her. Stop telling me what to do."

"I'm not telling you what to do," Derek backpedaled. "I'm just …" _telling you what I wish someone would have told me_ , he thought to himself. He sighed. "I know you have a lot of things to think about and a lot to work through. Just try to remember, your feelings aren't the only ones at play here. Work through what you need to work through, but just keep that in mind."

xxxxx

"Took you long enough," Addison muttered, accepting a bottle of water from Derek.

"I spoke to Matthew."

"He came back?" Addison asked in disbelief.

"He was by the coffee cart. Technically, he never left."

"That's debatable."

Derek nodded in concession. "He's a mess."

"So is she," Addison said, cocking her head towards Julie's hospital room.

"So, what do we do now?"

"There's not much we can do, Derek. We're doctors, not matchmakers."

"Yeah, I guess." He gave her a small smile. "And if history's to be believed, we're not exactly the best matchmakers. Remember that time in med school when we tried to set Lizzie up with Weiss's brother?"

Addison nodded. "Weiss wouldn't speak to us for an entire week."

Derek chuckled. "Lizzie didn't speak to us for two weeks." He shrugged. "You can't blame us for trying. We were just trying to make Savvy and Weiss family. Well, officially family." He met Addison's eyes and grew serious. "Do you think Julie can do this without Matthew?"

"Yes," Addison said quietly. She looked at him closely. "Do you think she'll have to?"

"I don't know."

"Oh." She had tried to say it neutrally, but he detected a hint of sadness in her voice.

"They're not us, Addison."

"I know that."

"I didn't." He swallowed thickly. "Addison?"

"What?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"I guess."

"Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?"

She ran a hand through her hair. Dinner was inconspicuous enough.

Except that she hadn't been fully truthful with Derek.

She, of course, knew that her relationship with Derek wasn't the same as Julie and Matthew's. But, at the same time, she couldn't help seeing her own relationship in theirs.

"Addie?"

"I, um…"

"We don't have to."

"No. I just …" She gave Derek a slight smile. "I should warn you, I'm not great dinner company. I can't drink and I can't keep most things down."

"I'm okay with that."

"I should hope so."

He chuckled. "So, is that a yes?"

"Yeah," Addison smiled. "It's a yes."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thank you so much for your comments on the last chapter! I really appreciate it! Here's a new, long-ish chapter. I hope you like it, and thanks so much for reading!

* * *

"I feel like you'd rather be anywhere but here," Derek mumbled.

Addison looked across the dinner table at her ex-husband apologetically. "That's not true. I'm just … distracted."

Just a few hours earlier, they'd finished running the necessary tests on Mason's brain, and Julie had been free to go home. But Matthew never showed up.

Addison had offered to call Julie a cab, but Julie refused. She was confident Matthew would show up.

Addison had offered to wait with her, but, again, Julie said no. She said it would be better if she was alone when Matthew showed up.

And that was how they left things.

Now she was out to dinner with Derek. And her day with Derek had been uneven, to say the least. They'd gone from comforting each other, to kissing, to at each other's throats, back to being okay with each other. And now they were eating dinner together.

"I'm worried about Julie," she admitted after a moment.

"You wouldn't be you if weren't," he said, giving her a small smile. "But what do you say we don't talk about work over dinner?"

Addison widened her eyes in mock surprise. "Are you honestly saying you want to talk about something other than work? _You?_ Really?"

"I'm just saying we're going to talk a lot about Julie, Matthew, and Mason over the next five to seven months. I think it would be nice to have a dinner where we don't—"

"Speaking of which," Addison cut in. "I'm due in March … which is seven months away. We're going to need to find a backup neonatal surgeon to perform Mason's surgery with you … in case I can't."

Derek shook his head. "Julie will never go for it."

"She may not have much of a choice, Derek."

"I know that. I'm just saying she's very attached to you, Addison. I don't see her trusting someone who's not you." He gave her a look of mock condescension. "Why are we still talking about our patients?"

"Because we're obsessed with work and—"

But she was cut off by the buzzing of her phone.

"Sorry," she apologized, before checking her phone quickly.

Derek watched a broad smile spread across his ex-wife's face as she read the text message.

"Who is it?" he asked, not caring that it wasn't his business. Although now that he thought about it, maybe it was better if he didn't know. It would be a lot easier for him to pretend it was Naomi or Savvy who was making his ex-wife smile like that … and not Mark or some other guy.

"It's Julie," Addison said, giving Derek a guilty smile. "Matthew came back. They made up. And they're heading home together."

"Addison!" Derek exclaimed. "You gave Julie your personal number?"

"Yeah. So? What's wrong with that?"

"Addison, this isn't a private practice."

"I'm well aware of that, Derek."

"Are you?"

"Derek, it's not that big of a deal."

"Addison, this is on par with something that crazy shrink you work with would do. What's her name again?"

"Violet."

"This is something Violet would do."

Addison bit her lip. In all honesty, Derek was right. Violet would definitely do something like this. But did that make it wrong?

"It's just a phone number, Derek."

"It's not just a phone number, Addison. What's next? Are you going to invite them to our house for dinner? Are they just going to show up one day unannounced?"

Addison raised an eyebrow. " _Our_ house?"

"That's not what I—"

"Neither of us even lives in a house. And we don't live together."

"And I think we should talk about that," Derek inserted. But Addison wasn't listening.

"How are they supposed to show up to _our_ house when there isn't even an _our_ house for them to show up to. I mean, if they want to visit you at your trailer, that's on them. But no one in their right mind would want to—"

"I think we should move in together," Derek announced firmly, cutting Addison off.

"What?" Addison breathed. "Derek, you can't be serious."

"I am. I think we should move in together; at least while you're here in Seattle."

"Derek, that makes no sense."

"No," Derek disagreed. "What makes no sense is the fact that we're bringing a baby into this world in seven months and you live in a hotel and I live in a trailer. That makes no sense."

"I know," Addison conceded. "But … us … moving in together. I'm not sure that's the answer."

"Addison, we need some place that's not a hotel room or a trailer to bring our child home to. And since so much is up in the air right now, there's no point in you buying something out here, especially if you have no plans to stay. So, I'll buy a house, and you can live there with me."

"I don't know."

"It's the least I can do." He ran a hand through his hair. "You're giving up everything for this case. The chance to decorate a nursery in LA … your OB … your support system at your private practice. So, let me be there. If we live together, I can be there for the morning sickness … the late-night craving runs … the two in the morning feedings." He met her eyes. "It's not the world's worst idea, and you know it."

Addison swallowed roughly. Derek was right; it certainly wasn't the worst idea he'd ever come up with. And his list of everything she was giving up and everything he could help her with was convincing … and perceptive. Too perceptive, almost.

"Derek …" she trailed off. "Have you been speaking to someone about … us?"

"What? Who would I be speaking to?"

"You're not denying it."

Derek chuckled. "Who would I be speaking to, Addison?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out." She thought for a moment. "You're not using therapist language, so I'm guessing you're not speaking to a shrink. Especially considering that you hated therapy … and no therapist in their right mind would suggest we move in together." She looked at her ex-husband closely. "Did you tell someone about us?"

"No," Derek answered quickly. "I mean, yes. But she already knew. I spoke to Naomi."

"What?"

"I wanted to tell someone about the pregnancy announcement you came up with for me … and she was the only person I knew for certain knew about us. So I called her and we started talking. And by the end of the phone call she had convinced me we should move in together." He gave his ex-wife a helpless shrug. "She can be pretty persuasive when she wants to be."

He purposely left out the part where Naomi spent a half hour badgering him about still being in love with Addison (a point that he neither confirmed nor denied) … and asking him if he honestly thought she believed him that time she'd answered Addison's office phone, and he had told her he'd actually meant to call Kathleen.

"She can be persuasive," Addison agreed. "And manipulative," she added under her breath.

"But, in this case, she has a point," Derek persisted. "I think it's a good idea."

Addison turned over Derek's words in her head. "Can I tell you something?" she asked, growing serious.

A small smile played on Derek's face. "Sure."

"If I had come here for this case and I wasn't pregnant … and the possible hurt and damage we could cause only affected you and me … I would have waited all of two minutes before inviting you back to my hotel room."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"It would have taken me all of two seconds to accept your offer."

"And I would have thrown my wine at you to try and get you out of your shirt."

"And I would have wasted no time taking my shirt off and would have made no attempt to find another one."

Addison swallowed thickly. "And after all this, you still think that us living together is a good idea?"

"Honestly, yeah. If something's going to happen between us, it's going to happen regardless of whether we're living together or not."

"So, you're saying we should just live together? No rules, no guidelines?"

"Coming up with rules and parameters seems childish," Derek admitted.

 _I like this rules thing,_ Meredith had once said to him. He hadn't.

"Addison?" Derek prompted.

"No rules, no games … just us …" Addison trailed off.

Admittedly, the idea was appealing. She and Mark had made rules … in the form of a sixty day bet.

It had been her idea. Because she didn't trust him. Because she was expecting him to fail. And because maybe … deep down she wanted them to fail.

And in the end they did. She didn't uphold the bet. Neither of them did. And even if they had, she was pretty sure she wouldn't have given the relationship a fair shot.

She had sabotaged the relationship the moment she came up with the bet. She couldn't see it then, but she could see it now … if you put stipulations on a relationship, you don't want it to succeed.

And now Derek's offering her a situation free from rules or conditions. And she's just insane enough that she's actually entertaining it.

"Addie?" Derek prompted, cutting into her thoughts. "Can I ask you something?"

"No," Addison said, shaking her head. "Because I want to tell you something first."

"Okay …?"

"I think we should do it. Move in together. No rules … no guidelines. We'll just … be adults." She looked at her ex-husband. "Okay, you can ask your question now."

"I don't need to," he said, giving her a broad smile. "You already answered it."

xxxxx

August turned into September, September turned into October, and October became November. And Addison and Derek had moved in together. They found what Addison deemed a classic, elegant house close to the hospital. And even Derek had to admit, the house was really nice.

He still kept the trailer. He loved the land. And maybe one day, he'd build a house there.

The adjustment wasn't seamless. Definitely a lot more complicated than the first time they'd moved in together. And they both recognized that. So they were cautious around each other.

And the arrangement seemed to be working. Sure, it wasn't perfect and, at times, they were downright awkward around each other. But they were careful. Neither wanted to say or do something to jeopardize their situation.

"I'm not going to be able to hide this much longer," Addison muttered, critically eyeing her reflection in the hallway mirror.

"I don't see why we don't just tell people," Derek complained. "I mean, you're almost eighteen weeks along. Most people share the news by now."

"Most people don't get knocked up by their ex-husbands as a result of a one night stand."

"Which it wasn't," Derek pointed out. "We had sex the whole weekend."

"Come on, you know what I mean." She sighed heavily. "Just once I'd like to come to Seattle without some kind of scandal attached to me."

"This isn't a scandal," Derek disagreed.

"Not for you, maybe. But there isn't exactly a flattering way for me to spin this. When people find out you're the father, they'll think I'm a whore. And if I don't tell people who the father is … which I would never do to you," she inserted quickly, "I'm the slut who can't keep her legs closed. Either way—"

"First of all," Derek interrupted, "if you're a whore, I'm a whore."

"Not around here you're not. Anywhere outside of Seattle, you and I are equals. But, here, you're McDreamy. You can do no wrong … and I'm always wrong."

"That's not true," he disagreed; even though, deep down, he knew what she was saying couldn't be any truer.

She sighed. "I know I shouldn't care about what people in Seattle think. I wanted a baby more than anything. And, against all odds, I'm pregnant. So, I know I shouldn't care what people think. It's just I'm so tired of always being the villain … the adulterous bitch … the bad guy." She looked down at her growing stomach, which, lately, she'd been strategically concealing with loose-fitting dresses, lab coats, and scrubs. "I guess we could start by telling Richard," she conceded.

A small smile spread across Derek's face. "And we should tell Julie and Matthew."

Addison nodded. "But they don't need the details. I want to control the narrative I tell them as much as possible."

"Okay." He gave her a small smirk. "Does that mean I get left out of the story?"

"Yeah, with them, you do." She chuckled. "But you were the one who was worried about us being too close with them. You were the one who was worried about them showing up at our house. And in this case, as much as it pains me to say it, I think you're right … some distance between us and them is good."

xxxxx

"Hi, Julie. Hi, Matthew," Addison greeted the expectant couple the following morning as she walked into the exam room with Derek trailing close behind. "How are you?"

"Okay," Julie answered.

"How are you feeling?'

"Pretty much the way I've felt for the past two and a half months," Julie shrugged. "Like it's all a bad dream."

Addison nodded sympathetically. "How are you feeling physically?"

"Okay, I guess."

"I'll take okay," Addison said, giving Julie a small smile.

She studied the couple closely. She'd seen Julie and Matthew a couple times since the day that Matthew had stormed out, and since then, things seemed better between the two. Or at the very least, they were putting up a united front.

She shifted her lab coat uncomfortably. "Before we get started, I want to share something with you."

"Oh, no," Julie breathed. "What's wrong? Are there further complications?"

Addison shook her head. "No. Mason is doing as well as we could have hoped. This news has to do with me … but it could potentially affect you." She met Derek's eyes and he nodded encouragingly. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh," Julie said quietly.

"I'm due in March," Addison continued when she saw that Julie and Matthew didn't even try to be discrete about glancing at her midsection. "I'll be able to deliver Mason, and I plan to be there for his surgery … but there's a chance I may not be able to, depending on the timing. So, I … I wanted to let you know so we can make alternate plans if necessary."

"Are you kidding me?" Julie asked. "You're joking, right?"

Addison looked at her in confusion. "No."

"Well, that's just lovely," Julie muttered sarcastically.

"Excuse me?" Addison asked, still confused.

"I was referred to you because you're supposed to be the best. And now you're not even going to be there to operate because you're having your own baby."

"Julie," Addison began gently. "I understand this is—"

"How could you do this to me?" Julie interrupted. She looked at Addison spitefully. "I know I'm supposed to be happy for you … but, honestly, it just feels like you're being selfish. How could you—"

"Stop!" Derek interrupted, surprising everyone in the room with his forceful tone. "Don't say another word like that." His eyes flashed angrily. "Dr. Montgomery picked up her entire life and moved to Seattle for you and your son; so don't you dare speak to her like that."

"It's okay, Derek," Addison said quietly. She turned her attention to Julie. "I understand this news is surprising—"

"It's not surprising," Julie interrupted. "It's bullshit. Ever since I learned that Mason's sick, all I can see are healthy babies and pregnant women expecting healthy babies. It's like it's unavoidable. And now my doctor is pregnant too … and likely won't be able to operate on my baby because it conveniently conflicts with the birth of her own baby. How unfair is that? How messed up is that?"

"Julie, I understand this is a lot to absorb. I get that. But I'm going to do everything I can—"

"Are you even married?"

"I don't see why that's important."

Julie eyed Addison's left hand critically. "No ring."

"That's none of your business," Derek said firmly.

"It is our businesses because Dr. Montgomery is turning her back on us and our baby," Matthew disagreed. He looked at Addison snidely. "I bet you don't even want our baby to live."

Addison's eyes widened in shock. "Excuse me?"

"How could you even say something like that?" Derek demanded. He shot Matthew an angry glare. "Dr. Montgomery is the one making plans for Mason's operation. She's already spent countless hours researching and running through the surgical procedures we'll need to perform on him. Of course, she wants Mason to live."

"Derek," Addison warned.

But he ignored her, his anger fixed on Matthew. "And you," he continued, taking a threatening step towards the younger man, " _you_ were the one who came to _us_ and asked us to talk to your wife about termin—"

"That's enough, Derek," Addison cut in, her voice calm, but firm. She turned to Julie and Matthew. "Look, I know—"

"Matthew's right," Julie interrupted. "You're just waiting around hoping our baby dies so you can focus on your own baby … who I'm sure is perfect and completely healthy and … this whole thing is so wrong and messed up it makes me sick."

"Seriously, there's no justice here," Matthew agreed, looking at Addison pointedly. "You abandon us and you get to have a healthy baby. You don't deserve—"

"Shut up!" Derek bellowed, glaring at Matthew and Julie. "Both of you; shut the hell up!"

"You can't talk to us like that," Matthew snapped. "We don't have to put up with this."

"No," Derek disagreed. " _We_ don't have to put up with this."

"Derek," Addison warned. "It's okay. They're upset."

"I don't care," Derek insisted. "As far as I'm concerned, this is not okay." He turned to Julie and Matthew. "You owe Dr. Montgomery one hell of an apology."

"And if we don't," Matthew challenged. "Then what? Will you turn us away as patients?"

"We took oaths," Addison reminded Derek under her breath, looking at her ex-husband pointedly. She knew from spending eleven-plus years with him that he was more than ready to cut Julie and Matthew loose.

"We took oaths," Derek echoed. "But that doesn't give them the right to stomp all over us."

"Excuse me," Matthew began, directing his attention towards Derek. "But why the hell are you getting involved in this? This doesn't affect you. You're not betraying us in any way."

Derek started to speak, but Addison was quicker. "No one is betraying you," she reminded the couple with forced patience. She ran a hand through her hair. "Look, I think we all need a minute to regroup. So, Dr. Shepherd and I will give you a little time alone, and then we'll come back and focus on the real reason we're all here … Mason."

She and Derek left the exam room without giving Julie and Matthew time to respond or react. When they were a safe distance away, Addison momentarily gave herself permission to abandon her composed façade. Her shoulders slumped and she pinched the bridge of her nose, doing her best to keep the headache she was certain was coming at bay.

"I hated that," she admitted after a moment.

"I wanted to punch them," Derek muttered.

"I'm glad you didn't," Addison said seriously. "Nobody's going to be sympathetic towards the doctor who punched his pregnant patient and her husband." She met her ex-husband's eyes. "You need to cut them some slack."

"Are you serious? Addison, the things they were saying to you were inexcusably cruel. They can't say things like that."

"They're scared, Derek. They're upset."

"I don't care," Derek insisted. "They have no right to take it out on you. They're being vicious and I … they can't say those things. Not to you."

He swallowed thickly as he thought back to the things Addison had said that night in the Hamptons … about never being able to forgive herself for the affair. And he thought back to what she had said just yesterday about how she's tired of always being the villain in Seattle. And he felt his resolve strengthen.

"You already beat yourself up too much," he told his ex-wife. "I'm not going to sit around and let Matthew and Julie take cheap shots at you."

"I wish you would."

"Addison," Derek reprimanded. "There's no way in hell I'm going to—"

"What I meant," Addison interrupted, "is that in a professional capacity, I wish you would just let them say things." She met her ex-husband's eyes and gave him a soft smile. "But from a personal standpoint … I really appreciate you standing up to them."

He smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she relaxed in to him.

"Thanks, Derek," she whispered.

He swallowed roughly. She didn't need to thank him. He wasn't going to stand for Julie and Matthew talking to her that way. And it wasn't because of some need he had to be a nice guy or something. It had to do with the fact it was Addison.

He imagined he'd be angry if it had been someone else in Addison's position. But, deep down, he knew if it had been someone else, he wouldn't be as angry as he was now.

"Derek," Addison said, cutting into his thoughts. "We should probably go check on Julie and Matthew."

"Two more minutes out here," Derek bargained, pulling her in a little closer. "Then we'll go back."

Addison nodded silently. Derek didn't have to twist her arm to spend a few extra minutes alone with him instead of returning to their very angry patient and her very angry husband.

If they had rules, not hugging at work would be a good one. But they didn't have rules, so there was nothing stopping him from pulling her in close in the abandoned hallway. And there was nothing stopping her from melting into him as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Let's not name our baby Julie or Matthew," Addison whispered, her breath tickling Derek's ear.

"Definitely not," Derek agreed with a chuckle. One of his hands moved from Addison's waist to the small swell of her stomach (another thing they'd likely eschew at the hospital if they had rules).

"I thought we were going with something symbolic," he teased, giving her a playful wink. "Like Hampton."

Addison laughed. "Hampton? Is that's a boy's name or a girl's name."

"Doesn't matter," Derek grinned, pulling Addison in closer.

Addison chuckled, but quickly grew serious. "Derek, can I—"

But she was cut off by a horrified gasp. "Is this some kind of sick joke?"

Addison and Derek turned in surprise to see Julie and Matthew standing in front of them; the anger and shock on their faces impossible to miss.

"Well …" Matthew trailed off, eying Addison and Derek critically. "The plot thickens."

"Wait, are you … the father?" Julie asked Derek in disbelief.

"I am."

Julie's eyes flashed angrily. "You're joking, right? Tell me you're joking. You have to be joking."

"I'm not."

"So, does this mean you're not going to be there for Mason's surgery either?" Julie demanded.

"Why don't we go somewhere where we can talk quietly," Addison suggested.

"No," Matthew insisted, raising his voice. "We're not going anywhere. Not with you two."

"How could you do this to us?" Julie cried.

"Yeah, it's like you did this on purpose to hurt us," Matthew fumed. He glared at Derek, "You couldn't have waited until after our son was born to knock her up."

"Stop," Addison cut in.

"No," Julie shot back. "We trusted you. Both of you. And—"

"What in the world is going on here?" an angry voice demanded. "I could hear you yelling from across the hospital."

Derek and Addison turned to see Richard Webber standing in front of them, flanked by several doctors, interns, and nurses. And Richard did not look happy.

"Richard," Addison began calmly, mentally scolding herself for not telling him about her pregnancy yet. "Why don't we all go to your office and talk? We can—"

"Our doctors betrayed us," Matthew interrupted. "That's what's going on. She's pregnant," he continued, glaring at Addison. "And he's the father," he added, pointing at Derek. "And they're not going to be able to operate on my son because they're going to be too busy having their own baby." Matthew looked at Richard, who was standing there with his mouth wide open, looking clearly distracted. "Are you even listening to me?"

"I'm sorry," Richard apologized. "I didn't catch the end. I …"

Technically, he didn't need to finish his sentence. Addison could fill in the rest herself. Richard had stopped listening as soon as he'd heard that she was pregnant and Derek was the father.

And from the looks on her former colleagues' faces, it seemed like they were all stuck on that point as well.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who's reviewing and reading this story. I really love hearing your thoughts. I hope you like this next chapter. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

* * *

"I'm confused," Richard admitted. He stared at the ex-married couple sitting across from him at his office desk. "I …" he trailed off, as he thought about his recent interactions with Addison and Derek.

Lately, Addison had been standoffish. As if she was hiding something. Clearly she was.

Derek, on the other hand, had been noticeably happier than usual. In fact, several members of the hospital staff had commented on Derek's recent good mood. But never in a million years had Richard thought to attribute Derek's pleasant demeanor to Addison. And never in a million and one years had he thought to attribute it to impending fatherhood. But now that he thought about it, both of these things seemed to be very plausible explanations for Derek's good mood.

"Chief?" Derek prompted; and Richard blushed in embarrassment. In his attempt to unpack Derek and Addison's relationship, he'd left the two of them sitting in awkward silence.

"So, you're happy about this?" Richard ventured. "Everything's okay?"

"Our patient just stormed out of the hospital without letting me examine her." Addison shook her head. "I'm not happy about that."

"No, of course not," Richard conceded. "But you two," he clarified, gesturing towards Addison and Derek. "You're having a baby together … and you seem civil. You seem united. You seem … happy."

"We are," Addison said. "I mean, I am," she amended when she realized she'd accidentally spoken for Derek.

"We are," Derek said firmly, giving Addison a small smile.

Richard watched the ex-married couple for a moment, and a slight smile formed on his face as well. "If you two are happy … then I'm happy for you. Now, as far as this hospital goes," he continued, growing serious. "I already told Derek that this case was complicated and delicate, and asked him not to make it any more complicated than it already was." He shot Derek and Addison the best stern look he could muster. "Clearly, my words fell on deaf ears."

"We're sorry about the way things played out," Addison apologized. This time she didn't correct herself for using the word, "we."

"Don't worry about it," Richard reassured her.

Derek did his best not to roll his eyes at that; Addison had always been Richard's favorite, so Derek wasn't the least bit surprised by the fact that Richard was annoyed with him, but not with her.

"Julie will come back," Richard said assuredly.

"I don't know," Addison disagreed. "She was very angry."

Richard shook his head. "You two are the best in your fields, and you're probably the only two doctors skilled enough to perform the surgery successfully. Once she realizes this, she'll come back."

Addison nodded, but Derek could tell his ex-wife wasn't convinced.

"So, uh, is there anything else you'd like to discuss with us?" Derek asked Richard, hoping to move the conversation along.

Richard shook his head. "Nope, that's pretty much it. We'll figure the rest out when Julie comes back. But for now, get back to work. Be professional, and save lives."

"Okay," Derek nodded, as he and Addison made their way out of Richard's office.

"Addie … Derek, wait," Richard called out. And Addison and Derek turned to face their boss. "There's just one more thing."

"Yeah?" Addison asked warily.

Richard offered the ex-married couple a warm smile. "Congratulations, you two."

xxxxx

"Do you want to get lunch?" Derek asked as he and Addison exited Richard's office.

Addison shook her head. "I need to talk to Mark. I have to tell him about all this before he hears it from someone else. Like Nurse Oliva … or an intern." She shuddered. "I've got to find him."

Derek swallowed thickly. He got that Addison needed to talk to Mark. But that didn't mean he had to like it.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked, even though he was pretty sure he knew what her answer would be.

Addison shook her head. "No. I owe it to Mark to do this alone."

With that in mind, she made her way toward Mark's office. He was sitting at his desk, intently studying what Addison assumed to be a patient file.

"Can I come in?" she asked, lightly tapping on his slightly ajar office door.

Mark gave her a broad smile. "Sure." He motioned toward the chair across from his. "Take a seat."

"Thanks," Addison said, taking her time to sit down, delaying the inevitable. "I need to tell you something," she began, doing her best to conceal her uneasiness. "Mark, I … I'm … The thing is … Mark, I'm—"

"Addison, we don't need to do this," Mark interrupted, sensing her discomfort. He ran a hand through his hair. "I already know."

"You do?"

"Your patients were loud," Mark said flatly. "And the rumor mill here is efficient."

"Oh," Addison said quietly, guilt washing over her. "I didn't want you to find out this way, Mark. This was the last way I wanted you to find out. I'm sorry. That wasn't fair to you."

Mark shrugged casually, but his expression quickly softened. "I'm happy for you guys."

"You're … what?" Addison asked in confusion.

"I'm happy for you," Mark repeated. "This is what you always wanted, right? A baby with Derek."

Addison swallowed roughly.

 _I wanted Derek. I wanted to have a baby with Derek._

She had told Callie this, but she couldn't imagine she would have shared this with Mark, But then again, she had said lots of things to Mark that she probably shouldn't have.

"I … I never said that to you, did I?" she asked hesitantly.

"You didn't have to."

Had she implied it?

 _No_ , _I did want a baby, Mark_ , she had once told him. _I just didn't want a baby with you._

"Mark," Addison began apologetically. "I didn't handle this well … any of it. And I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad, Addison."

"I wouldn't blame you if you were."

Mark shrugged. "I mean, sure, I would have preferred to hear the news from you and Derek instead of overhearing Stevens and O'Malley gossiping about it. But I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

"No. You and Derek are my family … at least I like to think you still are. And I know how much you both wanted this. And I know how much you both still want this."

"This?" Addison clarified.

"Marriage, a baby, the whole enchilada."

"Mark, just because Derek and I are having a baby together, doesn't mean that we're—"

"Derek wants to be with you," Mark reassured her. "Trust me. I've known him a long time. And ever since you came back, Derek has been different … better. He's the Derek I remember. Not some angry, broody guy who has no regard for other people's feelings. And as dumb as it sounds," Mark continued, "for the first time in a long time, it feels like I have my best friend back."

Addison shook her head. "It doesn't sound dumb." Because she felt the same way.

 _You know, there was a time when you thought of me as your best friend._

"And you," Mark went on, cutting into Addison's thoughts. "You belong with us. Not alone in LA."

"I'm not alone," Addison pointed out. "I have Naomi and Sam."

"It's not the same."

She couldn't argue with him there.

 _I'm lonely, Derek._ Yes, she had said that to him in Seattle. But how many texts had she sent him from LA to that extent? She could count on more than one hand. And even if she hadn't said it to him explicitly, their constant texting was evidence in itself … she was lonely. And maybe he was too.

"Look," Mark sighed, "after you left for LA, I made a promise to myself to never again get involved in your and Derek's relationship."

"We were divorced, Mark. There was no relationship to get involved in," Addison reminded him, acutely aware of her use of the past tense.

Mark shook his head. "I knew it wasn't over. I had feeling you two would somehow manage to find your way back to each other again." He chuckled. "Admittedly, I wasn't expecting this. But that's not the point. The point is that I've kept my promise and haven't interfered … up until now." He gave Addison a small smile. "I know you and I know Derek. And I know the two of you prefer to just … not talk about things. But you owe it to yourselves to talk about this. You two want the same thing. I know you do. All you need to do is admit it … out loud … to each other."

Addison nodded mutely as she let Mark's words sink in.

"Oh, and when you see Derek next … because I'm certain you'll see him before I see him … let him know I'm up for watching the Seahawks game with him this weekend."

Addison smiled. It was nice to hear Derek and Mark making plans to do things together again.

"And tell him to bring beer or scotch … or something manly," Mark continued. "Because I'm pretty sure after some of the things I just said to you, I could be co-captain of the vagina squad."

"Shut up, Mark," Addison laughed. She met his eyes and grew serious. "Thank you."

With Mark's words echoing in her head, she made her way towards Derek's office. He had texted her and had asked her to meet him there when she was finished talking to Mark.

"Hey," she said, walking into Derek's office. In hindsight, maybe she should have knocked on the door. But they never used to and old habits die hard.

"Hey," Derek smiled, obviously unbothered by her choice of entrances. He looked at her hesitantly. "How'd it go?"

"Good," Addison said, giving her ex-husband a genuine smile. "He's happy for us."

"Really?" Derek asked, a smile coming to his face as well.

"Really."

Derek shook his head. "I guess sometimes I underestimate him."

"Hard not to," Addison offered with a causal shrug.

Derek chuckled. "I got you something," he said, changing the subject.

Addison looked at her ex-husband in confusion. Between Julie and Matthew's outburst, her and Derek's conversation with Richard, and her conversation with Mark, she wasn't sure she could handle much more today.

"Here," Derek said, handing Addison a gift box, wrapped in shiny silver wrapping paper. On top of it was a card that read, _Can I tell you something?_

Derek gave Addison a wide smile. "Today seemed like a good day for this."

Addison smiled slightly. She'd had a doctor's appointment yesterday; and in addition to telling them that their baby was healthy, their OB also told them the sex of their baby. Well, technically, she only told Derek.

It was a given that they were going to find out the sex of their baby before he or she was born. Addison read sonograms for a living, and neither of them particularly liked surprises.

But a few days before the appointment, Derek asked Addison if she remembered that once upon a time they'd agreed to let him be the one to tell her the sex of their first child.

She remembered. And to be honest, she was surprised that he remembered. But maybe she shouldn't have been; after all, it had been Derek's idea all those years ago. He'd reasoned that she told people the sex of their babies every day, and when the time came, it would be nice for someone to tell her for a change … and he wanted to be that someone.

Apparently, he still wanted to be that someone.

Addison figured Derek would probably tell her at the appointment, but she learned that he had come up with a plan, years ago, for how he wanted to share the news with her (just like she had come up with a pregnancy announcement for him all those years ago).

If she was being honest, she wasn't a fan of elaborate gender reveals—she'd rather celebrate who her child would be, rather than what her child would be. But Derek was so into it, it has hard not to catch his enthusiasm.

"You want to do this now?" Addison asked, accepting the box from her ex-husband.

"Yeah," Derek smiled.

"Okay."

It was funny how much things had changed. When they used to talk about having kids in the past, they wanted healthy kids, first and foremost; but he wanted boys and she wanted girls.

He'd grown up surrounded by women and wanted a chance to have the father/son relationship that had been cut short with his own father.

She wanted a shot at the mother/daughter relationship she never had with Bizzy … and she always figured she'd be better with daughters.

Now, however, things were different. Their main concern was still having a healthy baby. That part hadn't changed. But now, he was hoping for a little girl and she was hoping for a little boy.

He loved the idea of a mini Addie. And she thought she might actually be better with a boy. Because the thought of being her daughter's primary example of adult femininity seemed daunting … and a role, given her past, she was pretty sure she was no longer equipped for.

"Open the card," Derek urged.

Addison did as she was told and was surprised to learn the card didn't have words … just two pictures. The first was a picture of her, taken years ago. She was dressed in her salmon scrubs, consulting a chart, completely oblivious that her picture was being taken. The second was a more recent photo … a few days old, tops. Derek—well aware that his picture was being taken—was smiling widely dressed in his navy blue scrubs.

"Mark took the picture," Derek chuckled when he noticed his ex-wife's eyes lingering on the picture of him. "I told him one of Kathleen's kids needed it for a school project." He shook his head. "I'm not sure he believed me."

"And this one?" Addison asked holding up the picture of her.

Derek's cheeks tinged red. "I've been hanging onto that one for a while."

Addison gave her ex-husband a slight smile. Blue and pink scrubs. She had to admit, it was a sweet idea … and pretty perfect for them. But she also knew that their whole situation needed unpacking. And she couldn't help thinking about the conversation she'd had with Mark and his advice to her.

She knew there were conversations that she and Derek needed to have … feelings she needed to acknowledge … things she needed to admit to herself.

But that was complicated … and potentially messy.

What wasn't, was finding out the sex of their child.

So she opened the box Derek had given her and felt her heart flutter in her chest when she unwrapped a tiny pair of scrubs … a tiny pair of pink scrubs.

"Really?" Addison asked, her smile growing wider.

"Really," Derek confirmed, wrapping his arms around her.

"A girl?" Addison asked, still in shock.

"Yeah," Derek grinned, still holding her close.

She wrapped her arms around him and let everything sink in. She was having a daughter. They were having a daughter.

"You're going to be so great with her," Derek whispered into Addison's hair.

He knew from various conversations that Addison's confidence about mothering a daughter had been shaken. It was an insecurity that he found completely ridiculous. But at the same time, he recognized that it was an insecurity that he may have contributed to. It's hard not to have your confidence shaken when you're constantly painted as the villain … the adulterous bitch. And he'd had a hand in painting her that way. (Truth be told, he may have been the main artist).

"You really think I'll be good?" Addison echoed uncertainly, ripping Derek from his thoughts.

He gave her a warm smile. "I think you'll be great."

A small smile graced her lips. "Derek," she whispered.

"Hmm?"

"I think we should try again."

"Like, for a son?" Derek asked in confusion.

"No," Addison chuckled. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brushed her lips against his. "I meant you and me," she said, kissing him softly. "I want to—"

But she was cut off by him crashing his lips against hers. And she kissed him back just as fiercely, raking her hands through his wavy hair, caressing his cheek with her fingers.

"Wait," she panted, pulling back breathlessly after a moment. "Derek, wait."

"Addison," he groaned; his eyes still dark with desire as he pulled her back into his arms.

She was tempted to give in. They were good at this. They were less good at talking.

"We need to talk, Derek," she breathed, distracted by the feather-light kisses he was trailing up and down her neck.

"Talk later," Derek mumbled in between kisses.

"Derek, please," Addison breathed. Talking was hard, but if they were going to make this work, they needed to talk. "Can I tell you something?" she asked suddenly growing very serious.

"Okay," he said, sensing the gravity in her voice. He met her eyes. "What is it?"

"I don't know how we're supposed to make this work," she admitted. "I mean, for starters, you live here, and I live in LA."

"One of us could move."

Addison shook her head. "I'm an outcast here. And the work in LA isn't very exciting. You'd hate it." She bit her lip contemplatively. "And we can't go back to New York. And, Derek, it's not just you and me."

"Ad—"

"But in spite of all that … and so many other things we need to work through, I still want to try again."

Derek smiled. "I want to try again too. And not just because we're having a baby together." He ran a hand through his hair. "I-I can't explain it, but earlier today … when Julie and Matthew were saying all those horrible things to you, something inside me … just snapped. I hated seeing them talk to you like that. And I hated that I didn't do more to stand up to them."

"Derek."

"I know; it would have cost us our professional reputations." He sighed. "I get that. But it was hard … because … it's really hard to watch someone you love get talked to in that way."

Addison felt her throat quiver "Derek, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"Did you just say … do you love me?"

He smiled. "You know I do."

She shook her head. "I didn't know you did."

"Well, then can I tell you something?"

She nodded.

"I love you."

A wide smile graced her lips. "Derek, can I—"

But they were cut off by the sound of their pagers beeping wildly.

"911," Derek breathed.

Addison nodded. "In the E.R."

They quickly made their way towards the E.R. and gasped at what they saw … Julie and Matthew. Julie was in a wheelchair, writhing in pain, her eyes filled with tears, and her cheeks stained with tears and streaks of mascara. Matthew looked just as disheveled … his face ghostly pale and his eyes hollow.

"Please say you'll help me!" Julie cried. She turned to Addison. "You have to help me. I'm sorry about what I said. So sorry—"

"We're sorry," Matthews choked out. "We need you."

"Please," Julie begged. "Please help."

"Julie," Addison breathed, as she felt Derek's hand move reassuringly to her lower back. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Julie's eyes filled with fresh tears. "My water broke," she sobbed. "And it's too soon. You've got to help me."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thanks so much for your kind feedback on the last chapter! I really appreciate it! Sorry for the delay on posting this chapter. I was out of town for most of last week, and I'd planned to post this chapter before leaving. But I'm literally the world's worst packer (biggest procrastinator), so I wasn't able to post before I left.

Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

"Book an OR, Karev," Addison instructed the resident who had recently joined her and Derek.

"It's too soon," Julie sobbed. "He can't come today."

"Thirty-three weeks isn't bad, Julie," Addison reassured her patient. "I was prepared to deliver him much earlier had it been necessary."

"Really?" Julie asked tearfully.

"Really."

"I'm sorry," Julie apologized through her tears. "About what I said to you earlier today … I'm so sorry. I was upset and … I'm sorry."

Addison shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

Derek clenched his jaw. Julie had said some terrible things to Addison. He didn't understand how his ex-wife could just pretend that nothing had happened.

"The only thing you and I need to worry about right now is delivering your son," Addison told Julie. "Worrying about anything else will only be a distraction. Okay?"

Julie nodded tearfully.

"Good," Addison said, giving Julie a reassuring smile. "Let's get you prepped for surgery." She turned to Alex. "Karev?"

"The OR's booked and I can prep her," Alex answered dutifully.

"What about me?" Matthew asked.

"You're more than welcome to stay with Julie while she's being prepped for surgery," Addison answered. "But we can't have you in the OR while we operate."

"I have to be there," Matthew insisted. "I have to be there for the surgery. You can't keep me out of my own—"

"Dude, she just told you that you can't be in there," Alex said, clearly unamused by Matthew.

Derek did his best to suppress a smile, while Addison shot the resident a glare.

"Karev," she warned.

"Sorry."

Addison turned to Matthew. "I know you want to be in there. But we can't let you in the OR I'll tell you what, though," she offered. "We're going to have someone stay with you the whole time, and we'll give you updates." She turned to her ex-husband. "Derek …?"

"Me?" Derek asked, doing his best to mask his displeasure.

"No. Page Mark."

Derek did as he was told and moments later Mark appeared on the scene.

"I need you to stay with my patient's husband while she's in surgery," Derek told Mark, as he took him aside, out of everyone's earshot.

"The guy with the temper, who abandoned his wife?" Mark clarified.

Derek nodded. "That's the one."

"Yeah, no thanks."

"Please, Mark."

"Derek, I'm a surgeon, not a babysitter."

"I know you are. And part of being a good surgeon is having good bedside manner." He gave his friend a charming smile. "And you have excellent bedside manner."

"I do," Mark agreed. "I know you're just flattering me to get your way, but my bedside manner is just as good as yours … if not better."

"I'm really not here to debate that," Derek admitted. "Look, I know you're going to give in. You know you're going to give in. Because at the end of the day, you're a good guy who helps out where he can. So, let's save ourselves the song and dance, and you can just agree to stay with Matthew. Would that be okay?"

"Fine," Mark said, sighing dramatically. "I'll do it. But you better make me your kid's favorite uncle."

Derek laughed. "You're acting like there's some other option."

"I mean, there's Archer."

"Who's selfish and arrogant and terrible with kids."

"Hey, I'm also—"

"None of those things," Derek interrupted. "Well, you're kind of arrogant," he conceded.

"So are you," Mark pointed out.

Derek nodded in concession. "So is Addison," he chuckled. "But that's not the point," he continued. "The point is, no matter how you slice it you're going to be a better uncle than Archer. And the more pressing point is that I really need you to watch Matthew for me."

Mark chuckled. "Okay, I'm in. I'll babysit Matthew." He cocked his head in Matthew's direction. "Is there anything I should know about him? You know, besides the fact that he's not your and Addison's biggest fan."

Derek shrugged. "He likes statistics."

xxxxx

"Hey, are you okay?" Derek asked in concern as he and his ex-wife scrubbed in together.

Addison nodded mutely, her eyes fixed resolutely ahead.

"It's okay not to be okay," Derek said gently.

Addison sighed. "Do you know how many encephalocele babies don't survive birth?"

"I-"

"A lot," she said, answering her own question. "I don't know what Julie's going to do if Mason doesn't make it." She swallowed roughly. "He _has_ to make it."

Derek nodded sympathetically. "You were really good with Julie," he said, purposefully changing the subject. "She was really upset and you calmed her down … a lot." A small smile played on his face. "I wouldn't have been as nice to her."

"Yes you would have."

"No," Derek disagreed. "I still can't stand her."

"Derek, you have to get over that. I'm not going to let you bring bad juju into my OR."

" _Your_ OR?" Derek smirked as he turned off the faucet. " _Our_ OR."

Addison chuckled but quickly grew serious. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"I'm really glad you're the neurosurgeon on this case. I know there are a lot of good doctors out there, but they're not as good as you."

Derek smiled widely. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"I feel the same way about you. There's no one I'd rather work with."

Addison gave him an appreciative smile. "Thanks, Derek."

"I mean it," Derek said sincerely. "Can I tell you something else?" he asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Okay."

"I'm really glad neither of us is in Mark's position right now."

xxxxx

"Why haven't we heard anything yet?" Matthew asked. "Dr. Montgomery said she'd have someone give me frequent updates, and I haven't gotten a single update."

Mark checked his watch and frowned. "We've been sitting together for three and a half minutes," he told Matthew. "They probably haven't even started operating yet."

"Oh. Do you think they'll tell me when they start?"

"No," Mark said, shaking his head. "They'll tell you something when there's something to tell."

Matthew nodded mutely. "Do you think my son's going to die?"

Mark looked at the younger man in surprise, startled by the bluntness of his question. "I think he's in the best hands possible," he said after a moment.

"That doesn't exactly answer my question. Do you gamble, Dr. Sloan?"

"Um … not regularly."

"Yeah, me either." Matthew sighed heavily. "But if you did …"

"I wouldn't place a bet on something like this."

Matthew rolled his eyes. "You can drop the whole holier than thou act. Everyone knows doctors aren't religious."

"Hey, I'm not looking for some moral high ground or something," Mark defended. "And you're right; I'm not religious. All I'm going to say is that your son has the best doctors in the world."

Matthew sighed. "Yeah, I guess so." He looked at Mark curiously. "Why hasn't anyone given us an update yet? Is that too much to ask for?"

Mark checked his watch again. "It's only been five minutes," he told Matthew as delicately as he could. "They're probably just getting started."

xxxxx

Technically, everything was ready. Addison had scrubbed in. Derek had scrubbed in. Julie had been prepped for surgery. Karev was ready to go; chomping at the bit at what everyone knew was an incredible opportunity.

And as Addison's eyes scanned the OR she couldn't help reflecting on how well-prepared everything seemed. Technically everything was ready … except her.

She turned to her ex-husband. "Say it."

"Are you sure?" he asked, easily able to unpack what wasn't stated explicitly in her request. "It's my superstition, not yours," he reminded her. "And it is _your_ OR after all."

Addison smiled slightly at his concession. "Say it."

"Okay." He met his ex-wife's eyes and smiled at her from behind his surgical mask. "It's a beautiful day to save lives."

Now she was ready.

"Ten-blade," she requested.

The rest went by quickly and in slow motion all at once.

But moments later, she delivered a squirming baby boy.

"Whoa," Alex murmured.

Addison shot the resident a warning look, but honestly, she understood his surprise. In all her years of practicing medicine, she'd never seen such a large encephalocele. The fact that Mason had been born alive was truly astounding.

"What?" Julie asked in concern, obviously detecting the shock in Alex's voice. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Addison reassured her patient. "It's just your son is really strong."

"He is?" Julie asked in disbelief.

Addison smiled. "He's a fighter."

"Really?" Julie asked, her voice thick with emotion.

"Really," Addison confirmed. She turned to her resident. "Karev, I need you to close while I put the baby on oxygen."

"Wait, why does he need oxygen?" Julie asked worriedly. "I thought you said Mason was strong."

"He is," Addison reassured. "But at 33 weeks, his lungs are underdeveloped. He's breathing on his own, but oxygen will help him breathe easier."

"Okay," Julie ceded. "But … he's okay, right?"

"He's okay," Addison nodded.

She and Derek exchanged a glance. Mason had a long way to go and wasn't out of the woods yet. Not even close. But he was alive. And that was encouraging.

xxxxx

"What do you think?" Addison asked her ex-husband as he joined her in an otherwise empty on-call room.

Derek walked over to the bed his ex-wife was sitting on and sat down next to her. "I think we can't do things like this once our daughter is born," he answered.

Addison nodded in concession. She and Derek had decided to spend the night at the hospital. They lived close, but if an emergency were to arise with Mason, they wanted to be there. Though she had to admit, it was nice hearing Derek prioritize their daughter over work.

"I just checked on Mason," she told her ex-husband. "He's still holding strong."

"That's good," Derek nodded. "Hopefully we'll be able to start running some tests on him tomorrow so we can get a better sense of his course of treatment … if treatment is even an option."

Addison met her ex-husband's eyes. "You think it's not operable?"

"I don't know," Derek admitted. "But based on some initial observations … I'm not sure. The size and location of the encephalocele are worse than I initially thought. If I nick a blood vessel, I'll kill him."

Addison swallowed thickly. Sure, this wasn't her specialty, but she had spent enough time researching (and married to a brain surgeon) to have similar concerns.

"But he won't survive very long if we don't operate, will he?" she asked her ex-husband.

"He needs surgery," Derek conceded. "But it's going to be incredibly high-risk. And if something doesn't go right, I don't want to be the person who denied Julie and Matthew weeks … maybe months with their son."

Addison nodded sympathetically and took Derek's hand in hers. "I, uh, I probably shouldn't tell you what Julie and Matthew chose for Mason's middle name," she muttered, running her thumb gently across his palm. "It seems like you're already putting enough pressure on yourself."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "Do I want to know?"

"Christopher."

"Like after …?"

"You."

"Me? How did they know my middle name? Most of my coworkers don't know my middle name."

Addison shrugged. "Julie asked me. And I obviously know."

"But why did she want to know?"

"She and Matthew wanted to name their son after one of the doctors who saved his life."

"Why didn't they choose Derek as a middle name?"

"I don't know," Addison admitted. "But at the risk of sounding petulant, up to this point, I've been the one that's done most of the work. And both my first and middle name are unisex names."

Derek chuckled. "Yeah, but I don't think Julie and Matthew would go for a unisex name. There's no in between with those two. With them, things are black or they're white. They despise us, or Matthew is picking me up and spinning me around." Derek smirked, thinking about Matthew's surprising and over-the-top reaction when he and Addison had told him that he could go see his son.

Addison shook her head. "Again, I do all the work and you get all the credit."

"Trust me, Honey, it didn't feel that way. In fact, I'd be perfectly happy if Matthew never picked me up ag-"

"Wait, did you just call me honey?"

Derek blinked. "I thought we were trying again."

"I know," Addison smiled. "I wasn't complaining about it."

Quite the opposite actually. A not so small part of her had to admit she like how quickly she and Derek were falling back into their old habits.

"Derek," she said, growing serious.

"Yeah?"

"I know this has been the world's longest day, and you're probably not in the mood for anything serious …"

"Where are you going with this, Addison?" Derek asked hesitantly.

"Before Julie and Matthew came in … before her water broke, and before we performed surgery, you told me something and, uh … can I tell you something?"

"Sure," he nodded, a small smile coming to his face. He was pretty sure he knew where she was going with this.

"I love you too."

Derek smiled widely at that. "Can I ask you something?" he asked, looking at his ex-wife adoringly.

"Yeah?"

"Have you really been waiting all day to tell me that?"

Addison arched an eyebrow. "Honestly?"

"Honestly."

She shook her head. "No."

"Oh."

Addison met Derek's eyes and smiled. "I've been waiting a lot longer than that."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Happy November! Hope everyone had a nice Halloween and plenty of candy. (Not that anyone's asking, but Twizzlers are my favorite).

I can't say thank you enough to everyone who's still reading and reviewing this story. I really appreciate it. This chapter has some of my favorite Addek story elements. It's also pretty long; but it didn't feel right breaking it up. I hope you like this chapter, and I'd love to hear you thoughts (favorite candies, etc.).

Thanks for reading!

* * *

"So, I was thinking January 5th for Mason's surgery," Derek told his ex-wife as they got ready for work.

Addison slipped a diamond stud through her ear. "You don't think that's too long to wait?" she asked.

"I don't," Derek said. "Ideally, I'd operate a little sooner, but I want to give Julie and Matthew the holidays with their son."

Addison nodded in agreement. She was fairly confident that this was why Derek had chosen the date he had for the surgery. And she couldn't say she blamed him. Tests had confirmed that the size and location of Mason's encephalocele made the surgery risker than anticipated.

She and Derek had shared this with Julie and Matthew and asked them what they wanted to do, and both were very adamant about going through with the surgery.

"Hey, who's calling you this early in the morning?" Derek asked when he noticed his ex-wife's cell phone vibrating.

"It's just Naomi," Addison sighed, glancing at her phone. "Ever since I told her you and I were giving things another shot, she's been gloating non-stop about how she predicted this would happen." She shook her head. "Call me a bad friend for ignoring her call, but I'm not really in the mood for gloating. It's too early."

Derek chuckled. "It's not that early," he pointed out. "In fact, if you don't hurry up, we're going to be late for work. He held out her jacket. "You ready?"

Addison nodded and Derek helped her slip on her jacket. She looked down at her black Burberry trench coat and sighed. At five-months pregnant, her days of wearing her favorite jackets were dwindling. She'd already given up wearing her closest-fitting jackets, which no longer buttoned over her belly (hell, those jackets barely buttoned after a large meal); and she knew her trench coat and other favorite jackets weren't far behind.

"Come on," Derek said, interrupting her thoughts. He carefully untucked the strands of red hair that had gotten caught in the collar of her jacket. "We're going to be late."

Fifteen minutes later, they walked into the hospital and immediately exchanged a weary glance. The hospital had what they could only describe as an eerie calm. Everything was still. Everything was quiet. Everything was in order.

"It's too calm in here," Addison muttered as a shiver ran down her spine. "I can't help feeling like things are about to go horribly wrong."

Derek nodded in agreement and met his ex-wife's eyes.

"Mason," they said together, fear lacing their voices.

They quickly made their way to the NICU and breathed sighs of relief when they saw that Mason was there sleeping peacefully, the monitors connected to him beeping in a slow, predictable rhythm.

A slight smile came to Addison's face as she watched the slumbering infant. "Maybe we were wrong," she conceded, meeting Derek's eyes. "Maybe things are just quiet this morning." She shook her head, unable to shake the nagging feeling that was eating at her. "Too quiet."

The words had barely left her mouth when her pager started going off.

"It's Mark," she said, showing Derek her pager.

Derek squinted at the message. "911-ish?" he asked. "How can something be 911-ish? What does that even mean?"

They made their way toward the lobby where Mark had told them to meet him and quickly understood what "911-ish" applied to. Or more accurately, who it applied to.

They heard him before they saw him.

"I thought she was living in LA," the voice persisted. "How long has she been in Seattle?"

"Almost three months," Mark answered.

"When is she going back? Naomi seems to think she's going to move here permanently."

"That's why Naomi was calling this morning," Derek whispered to Addison. "To warn you. Warn _us._ "

"Derek," Addison chided. Though she had to admit, he was probably right.

"And this isn't 911-ish," Derek muttered. "This is a full-fledged emergency."

"Do you think she's going to move out here permanently?" the voice asked again as Addison and Derek approached.

"I don't know," Mark said. "You'll have to ask her." He turned to Addison and Derek and smiled. "Hey, guys."

"Well, look who finally decided to join us … my favorite sister and my ex-brother-in-law."

"Archer," Addison grinned, giving her brother a hug. "What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?"

"I didn't. I thought you were in LA, so I flew there first."

"Oh," Addison muttered, feeling a little bad about that. "Sorry."

"Don't be," Archer shrugged. "I mean, it was almost a waste of a trip, but then I met this flight attendant on the flight from LA to Seattle. One thing led to another and … let's just say she was a little too busy to serve the other passengers their complimentary beverages and snacks."

"Archer," Addison scolded.

"What?" Archer sniffed. "They got their got their snacks … eventually."

Addison shook her head. "You're unbelievable."

"Thanks," Archer beamed.

"I'm not complimenting you."

"Please," Archer scoffed. "And you can get off your high horse," he added, glancing at her midsection. "It doesn't look like you've been abstaining from sex lately."

"Archer, this is my place of work," Addison reprimanded. "Keep your voice down."

"And the two situations are nothing alike," Derek added.

Archer smirked, but his face quickly darkened as realization dawned on him. "Addison …" he trailed off, his voice laced with condescension. "Tell me Derek isn't the father of my niece or nephew."

"Of course he is."

"Why?" Archer groaned, covering his face with his hands. "Why do you do this to me? And yourself?"

"Excuse me?" Addison asked her brother in confusion.

Archer shook his head disapprovingly. "Always one step forward, two steps back with you two. He moves to Seattle, you follow him out here and try to make your marriage work. You two get a divorce, you two wind up pregnant. You see; one step forward, two steps back."

"Archer," Addison scolded.

"What? Is that not what happened?"

Technically it was exactly what had happened. "I wouldn't say that's taking one step forward, two steps back," Addison said, evading her brother's question. "What are you doing here anyway, Archer?"

"I came to see you," Archer answered. "Thanksgiving is only a couple days away and I wanted to spend it with family. So what are you cooking for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"I wasn't planning on cooking anything," Addison told her brother. "I hate hosting Thanksgiving."

"But you're going to be a mother," Archer argued. "Mothers cook."

"Archer, how many times have you seen Bizzy cook?" Addison asked her brother.

"Well, never," Archer admitted. "But you have company. You have to cook Thanksgiving dinner. Or, at least, cater it. Even Bizzy did that."

"Archer, I'd hardly say that you inviting yourself to my house for Thanksgiving counts as company. So I don't think—"

"Actually," Derek cut in. "While we're on the topic of company, my mother called the other night. She and my sisters and their families were planning a secret Thanksgiving ambush. I managed to ward them off until Christmas. But if we're already hosting…"

"Unbelievable," Addison muttered, shaking her head.

"We don't have to host them," Derek reminded her quickly.

"No," Addison sighed. "Let's just invite them. We're entertaining anyway," she added gesturing toward Archer, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Ideally, she'd prefer it if Derek's family (and their opinions) didn't visit. But she was much more okay with his family ruining Thanksgiving than she was with them ruining Christmas. Christmas was her and Derek's season, and she had every intention of enjoying Christmas with him … and only him.

She turned back to her brother. "Bizzy and the Captain aren't planning on gracing us with their presence for Thanksgiving, are they?"

Archer shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous. They'll be celebrating with friends from their country club."

"I guess that's two fewer opinions we'll have to deal with," Addison sighed.

"So, they don't know about you two?" Archer smirked, gesturing toward Archer and Derek. "Or that you're making them grandparents?"

Addison shook her head. "No. And you're not going to be the one to tell them," she warned. She turned to Derek. "Invite your family. Let's just rip the Band-Aid off."

"Speaking of your family," Archer said, turning towards Derek. "Is Kathleen still divorced?"

Derek looked at his ex-brother-in-law suspiciously. "Why?"

Archer grinned mischievously. "Just looking to have a little Thanksgiving fun."

"No," Derek warned. "Not with my sister."

"Don't be such a prude," Archer defended. "It wouldn't be the first time that—"

"Don't finish that sentence," Addison cut in. She turned to Mark. "Please say you'll spend Thanksgiving with us."

Mark laughed. "I'll bring the scotch."

xxxxx

"Everything's delicious," Mark complimented, reaching for a second helping of turkey. "You really outdid yourself with this, Mom. But then again, you always do."

"Thank you," Carolyn beamed.

Addison and Derek exchanged a glace. Derek's family had flown out to Seattle for Thanksgiving. But when Derek had told his mother that he and Addison had planned to cater Thanksgiving dinner, Carolyn had acted as though they had personally insulted her and insisted upon cooking dinner herself.

"There are some things that aren't negotiable," Carolyn said, giving Mark a warm smile. "And a home-cooked Thanksgiving dinner is one of them."

"I don't know," Derek disagreed. "When Addison and I were in med. school and residency, we used to eat cold Chinese food on Thanksgiving, and we never minded it."

"That's okay when you're younger," Carolyn shrugged. "But you're an adult now, Derek. Thanksgiving dinners shouldn't be cold Chinese food or something you cater in," she said, shooting Addison a pointed look. "It should be a home-cooked meal."

"So," Amelia began, purposefully changing the subject and fixing her attention on Addison and Derek. "Are you two ever going to tell us how you two got back together? I feel like we've all been very patient and polite, but I can't hold out much longer."

"Amelia," Nancy scolded. "You can't ask them that."

"Why not?" Amelia shrugged. "You were the one who kept saying on the flight out here how much you were dying to know how they got back together."

"That's true," Nancy admitted. She turned to her brother and ex-sister-in-law. "So … how'd it happen?"

"I'm not sure this is appropriate dinnertime conversation," Carolyn cut in.

"Yeah," Archer agreed, smirking at his sister and former brother-in-law. "Seeing the two of you together these last few days has been nauseating enough. The story of how you two got together … and conceived your child might just push me over the edge."

"Come on," Amelia encouraged, rolling her eyes at Archer. "We all want to hear the story."

"We really do," Lizzie agreed. "Tell us, Derek."

Derek chuckled, but quickly grew serious. "Addison and I chose the same weekend to go to the Hamptons. I didn't know she was going to be there. She didn't know I was going to be there. She actually thought I was a burglar and tried to ward me off by throwing her glass of wine at me. Ruined my shirt. Anyway," he continued. "There was a storm, and we lost power. We got to talking … and it turned out things weren't over between us." He smiled. "Far from it, actually."

"Wait, you lost power in the Hamptons?" Nancy asked. And Addison swore she could hear the gears in her ex-sister-in-law's head turning. "So, you were there during the big blackout in the Hamptons?"

Addison nodded.

"And the baby?" Nancy asked, trying but failing to hide her excitement. "Is that a blackout baby?"

Addison chuckled. "We haven't been using that term, but, I guess, technically, yes."

Nancy grinned widely. "Birth trends are so fascinating."

"Nancy, try to control yourself," Kathleen reprimanded, rolling her eyes at her sister's OB geek-out. She turned her attention to Addison and Derek. "You two seem happy," she observed.

"We are," Derek smiled.

"And I'm not going to lie," Lizzie cut in. "I think I speak for everyone when I say we were all secretly hoping something like this would happen. Well, maybe not everyone," she amended, glancing at her mother, who was making no attempt to conceal her displeasure.

"I'm not unhappy about this," Carolyn commented, trying, but not quite succeeding in keeping her voice neutral.

"You should say you're still getting used to everything," Archer advised. "It's more believable."

Addison shot her brother a condescending look.

"Just trying to help," Archer shrugged innocently.

"It's just very surprising," Carolyn admitted.

"I'm not that surprised," Kathleen admitted.

"Me either," Amelia corroborated. "I would have bet money on something like this happening."

"Why don't we talk about something else?" Carolyn suggested.

Addison breathed a sigh of relief at the suggestion, but Derek wasn't about to give up as easily.

"You're acting like this is a bad thing, Mom," he accused.

"Derek, let's not talk about this here," Carolyn said tersely.

"Well, then maybe you'd like to come into the kitchen with me to check on the pies," Derek suggested through gritted teeth. "Maybe you and I can talk about it in there."

"You don't have to talk in private on our account," Archer insisted. "We're all family here."

Carolyn sighed and motioned for Derek to join her in the kitchen.

"Or go," Archer shrugged as Derek and Carolyn stood up. "That's cool too."

They watched Derek and Carolyn's retreating forms and sat at the dining room table in uncomfortable silence.

"Can I get anyone more to eat?" Addison asked after a moment, trying to make things less awkward.

"Shh," Archer scolded. "We're trying to listen."

It turned out this was easier than they thought. Derek and his mother were loud and the kitchen had excellent acoustics.

"I don't understand why you're acting like this is a bad thing," they heard Derek accuse. "Everyone's healthy. Everyone's happy. This is a good thing, Mom."

"Not from where I'm standing," they heard Carolyn retort. "To me it sounds like one giant accident that you're trying to salvage."

"Accident?"

"Yes, Derek. There's no two ways about it; this was an accident. You and Addison didn't plan to end up in the Hamptons together. You didn't know there was going to be a blackout. And you certainly didn't plan to come home a father. Although I could see Addison manipulating the situation and conveniently getting pregnant to rope you into a situation where—"

"Stop," Derek cut in. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about, so just stop."

"I don't see why you're so bothered by this," Carolyn told her son. "I'm just being honest about the way the situation looks from my perspective."

Addison held her breath, waiting for Derek to respond … waiting for him to share her fertility issues with Carolyn (who'd likely call bullshit) and everyone else at Thanksgiving dinner.

"So what if our baby was unplanned?" Derek shot back.

And Addison smiled slightly at the shift in the argument and Derek's choice of wording. _Unplanned_ sounded so much nicer than _an accident_.

"And you can get off your high horse," Derek continued. "Everyone knows Amelia was unplanned."

Addison glanced at her former sister-in-law, mortified at her expense.

"It's true," Amelia shrugged good-naturedly. "I was an accident."

"It's not the same," they heard Carolyn tell Derek. "Your father and I were very much in love when we conceived Amelia."

"Gross," Archer shuddered.

"But you and Addison," Carolyn continued. "You two may have conceived your baby during a blackout, but I'm also willing to bet the two of you were also blackout drunk at the time. That's the only way something like this would have happened. You made a mistake, and now you're ruining your life trying to fix it. And whether you want to admit it or not, you're going to ruin your child's life as well. That's what's going to happen if you and Addison continue to carry on with this sham."

Addison felt every eye in the dining room on her.

"Tom, take the kids upstairs," Lizzie instructed her husband in a voice that left no room for debate.

"Jeff, go with them," Nancy told her husband, using the same tone.

Kathleen looked at Addison sympathetically. "Mom gets like this sometimes," she rationalized, using her best shrink voice.

"Nobody else feels that way," Nancy added, trying a different approach. "I don't even think Mom does."

"I'll go in there right now and kick her ass," Archer insisted. "I don't care that she's old. I don't even care that _I'm_ not a big fan of your relationship with Derek. Just say the words and I—"

"That's not necessary, Archer," Addison told her brother, doing her best to keep her voice even.

"It may not be necessary," Amelia muttered. "But it wouldn't be undeserved. I mean, talk about a slap to the face."

That saying was inaccurate. Addison knew this with certainty. She'd only been slapped once in her life—as a teenager, by Bizzy, for threatening to skip out on an important charity event. And while it had hurt, this hurt worse.

She knew one thing for sure. She needed to get out of there.

"You know what," she said, doing her best to tune out Derek and Carolyn, who were still arguing loudly. "I have some patients at the hospital, who I'm guessing are probably eating turkey sandwiches from the hospital cafeteria for dinner tonight." She gathered some of the leftovers. "I bet it would make their night to have an actual Thanksgiving dinner."

Sure, leaving her own Thanksgiving dinner wasn't exactly polite. But then again, nothing about what had just taken place at her house was polite.

She arrived at the hospital and headed straight for the NICU. It was worse than she'd imagined. Julie and Matthew were sharing a large bag of Lays potato chips and calling it Thanksgiving dinner.

She cleared her throat to announce herself, and Julie and Matthew looked up in surprise.

"Dr. Montgomery, what are you doing here?" Julie asked.

"I had a feeling you two would be here," Addison began, staying as far away from the truth as humanly possible. "And the hospital cafeteria isn't exactly renowned for its food. And it's Thanksgiving. So, I brought you dinner."

"You cook too?" Julie asked, raising an eyebrow at the gourmet dinner Addison was spreading out in front of her and Matthew.

"No," Addison said with a laugh. "I mean, I cook. But not well. And certainly not this well. My ex-mother-in-law made this." She looked over at Mason, who was sleeping peacefully. 'He looks good," Addison smiled, keeping her eyes fixed on the slumbering baby. "He looks like he has more color since this morning."

"I thought so too," Julie agreed with a smile. She speared a green bean onto her fork. "This is really good," she approved before turning her attention the mashed potatoes on her plate. "Like really, really good."

"Carolyn Shepherd is nothing if not a good cook," Addison muttered to herself before turning to Julie and offering her a smile. "I wish I could take credit for it," she said, mustering a halfhearted laugh.

"Doesn't matter." Julie insisted through a mouthful of turkey, "I don't care who cooked this. It's delicious."

Addison nodded in concession. "I wish I would have brought you dessert," she said apologetically as she watched Julie and Matthew devour Carolyn's cooking. She knew that despite the logistical impossibilities it would have entailed (namely, entering the kitchen where Derek and his mother were arguing), bringing Julie and Matthew dessert would have been a nice touch.

"Don't worry about it," Julie reassured, ripping Addison from her thoughts. "This food was amazing. And, um …" she trailed off, suddenly growing very serious. "You already did more than we can ever thank you for."

Addison looked at Julie questioningly.

"Mason," Julie clarified. "We can't thank you enough for him."

Addison swallowed thickly. She and Derek had told Julie and Matthew over and over again that Mason wasn't in the clear yet, but it didn't seem to be getting through. And even though they had scheduled a date for his next surgery, it was a very high-risk surgery, and Addison knew Derek was worried about it. And if she was being honest, she was too.

She gave Julie a small smile. "Still," she shrugged, "I wish Mason could have had some dessert at his Thanksgiving dinner."

"Who says he can't?"

Addison looked up at the unmistakable voice and smiled. Derek was standing in the doorway with an assortment of desserts in his hands.

"You can't have Thanksgiving dinner without dessert," Derek grinned, placing the desserts down in front of Julie and Matthew. He glanced over at Mason. "He's looking really good."

Julie smiled at Derek's compliment. "Thank you."

"So, how are things going here?" Derek asked.

"Good," Julie said with a smile. "Dr. Montgomery just saved us from a tragic Thanksgiving dinner."

Derek chuckled, his eyes crinkling around the corners. He turned to Addison and gave her a smile. "Why don't we give Julie and Matthew some time alone," he suggested.

"You should stay and have dessert with us," Julie offered. "There's way too much for just two people."

Addison shook her head. "You three should enjoy your Thanksgiving as a family. We'll be back to check on Mason before we leave."

With that, she and Derek made their way into the hallway.

"I have pumpkin pie waiting in my office," Derek told his ex-wife with a smile. He knew pumpkin pie was Addison's favorite.

They made it to his office and sat down together on the leather couch in there.

"How did you know I was here?" Addison asked as she and Derek stuck their forks into the large slice of pumpkin pie they were sharing.

"Archer told me," Derek said through a bite of pie. "You should text him and let him know you're okay," he continued, his voice growing serious. "He's worried about you. And, uh, so am I."

"I'm fine, Derek."

"Really?" Derek asked, narrowing his eyes at her. "Are you really fine or are you just saying you're fine? Because I'm not fine. And according to your brother and my sisters, you could hear every insulting word that was said from the dining room table. I don't know how anyone could possibly be fine after that."

Addison shrugged.

"And you chose to spend a portion of your Thanksgiving with Julie and Matthew," Derek continued. "That's not something that someone who's fine does."

"I don't mind Julie and Matthew," Addison admitted, knowing full-well that Derek was still holding a grudge against them. "And someone needed to make sure they were eating more than a bag of potato chips on Thanksgiving."

Derek shook his head. "Addison, about what my mother said," he began, changing the topic. "I want you to know that—"

"It doesn't matter, Derek."

"What? Of course it matters. Addison, the things she said … they were …"

"Awful," Addison filled in. "And cruel. And I wish she didn't feel that way about me or you. And I especially wish she didn't feel that way about our daughter."

"Exactly," Derek nodded. "Look, Addison, I'm so sorry."

"Why? You didn't say those things. You don't feel that way."

"So, wait, you're really not angry about what was said?" Derek asked in confusion.

"I'm angry," Addison admitted. "But, right now, I'm more grateful."

"Grateful?"

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "Julie and Matthew are spending Thanksgiving in the hospital with their very sick son. And even though they're happy their son is alive to spend Thanksgiving with them, you and I both know this could very well be their only Thanksgiving with Mason. For me, that just … it puts things in perspective."

"It still doesn't make what my mother said right," Derek pointed out.

"I know," Addison agreed. "It doesn't. But I don't know," she continued, placing a hand on her stomach, "right now … I'm just grateful our daughter's healthy. That's where my head's at, right now. I'm so grateful she's okay."

A small smile spread across Derek's face. Sure, he was still furious with his mother. And he still had every intention of making sure he told his mother as much. But maybe Addison was right. Maybe Thanksgiving wasn't the time for this.

"Do you have her latest ultrasound picture?" Derek asked, surprised by the emotion lacing his voice.

Addison nodded. "Here," she said, handing him the picture she'd taken out of her purse.

A small smile came to Derek's face as he studied the picture carefully. "She's perfect," he said after a minute.

"She is," Addison agreed.

"It looks like she has your profile," Derek observed.

"Really? You think so?"

"Yeah." Derek laughed. "Look at her little button nose. That's definitely your nose."

Addison chuckled, as she too studied their daughter's profile.

"You were right," Derek said quietly. "This is a better way to spend Thanksgiving."

Addison gave Derek a small smile and began to put the ultrasound picture back in her purse.

"Wait," Derek said, not quite ready to shift conversation topics. "Do you want to name her Rain?"

"Rain?" Addison asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "She was conceived during a storm. It feels appropriate."

"Rain," Addison repeated, doing her best not to grimace. "That's not going to look good on a lab coat, Derek."

"What?" Derek asked in confusion.

"It's not professional."

"What are you talking about? Names can't inherently be professional or unprofessional."

"Of course they can," Addison disagreed. "Remember last week? You didn't love the idea of someone named Byrd serving you dinner when we went to that hippy-dippy restaurant. And that was just chicken pancetta. How would you feel about letting someone named Rain perform surgery on you?"

"Point taken," Derek conceded, doing his best not to laugh. "Hey, how about Ivy?"

"Ivy?"

"Yeah," he said, his eyes softening. "I think it's pretty. And very prestigious. You know, like Ivy League schools?"

"I can't." Addison shook her head. "It makes me think of poison oak."

"Addison!" Derek exclaimed, unsure whether to laugh at her or reprimand her. "That's ridiculous."

"It's not ridiculous. And why are you so set on giving her a nature-related name?" Addison asked. "Rain? Ivy? Our daughter is half mine … you realize that, right?"

"I realize that," Derek insisted. "I didn't realize that both names I mentioned were nature-related, though."

Addison smiled, but quickly grew serious. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"I appreciate the fact that you stood up to your mother today. I know that's not an easy thing for you to do."

Derek sighed. "It didn't do much good," he said apologetically.

"Maybe not," Addison shrugged. "But I still appreciate it."

She caressed his cheek with her hand and leaned in, softly brushing her lips against his. He smiled against her lips before kissing her tenderly, tangling his fingers in her hair. Her body relaxed as she melted into his embrace and kissed him deeply.

"Derek," she whispered when they finally pulled apart.

"Yeah."

"I just thought you should know, I don't think we're trying to fix a mistake."

Derek met his ex-wife's eyes; a pang of sadness gnawed at his stomach. Despite Addison's earlier insistence that his mother's comments didn't matter, he knew that Addison overanalyzed everything … including his mother's comments.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Ever since I came back from the Hamptons, people have been talking about how much happier I am. Nurses, doctors, interns, even Richard. They think they're being subtle, but they're not. The rumor mill here is anything but subtle."

Addison looked at her ex-husband in confusion.

"They may not be subtle, but they're right," Derek admitted. "I don't think we're trying to fix a mistake either." He kissed her chastely. "Just in case you didn't know."

Addison gave her ex-husband a small smile. "I know." She ran a hand through her hair. "So, um, how big of a mess did we walk out on at home?"

Derek chuckled. "On a scale of one to ten?"

"Yeah."

"Let's see, none of my sisters are talking to my mother. Mark's trying to play peacemaker. And Archer and Kathleen are probably sleeping together as we speak. I'd say, on the mess scale, that's a solid eight."

Addison sighed. "Do we have to go back?"

"Is that a rhetorical question? Or are you being serious?" He shook his head, half amused, half defeated. "I wouldn't blame you if you're asking for real."

"I'm asking rhetorically," Addison mumbled, standing up from the couch and slipping on her jacket. "Alright," she sighed. "Let's just do it. It's not going to get any easier, so let's just do it."

Derek nodded in agreement and they made their way out of his office and into the hospital hallway.

"Wait, where are you going?" Derek asked in confusion when he saw that his ex-wife was walking in the opposite direction of the hospital exit.

"The NICU," Addison answered with feigned innocence. She gave Derek a wry smile. "Despite all the fun we have waiting for us at home, we promised to check on Mason before leaving."

"That's right," Derek chuckled, his eyes shining with amusement. "Lead the way, Honey."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Thank you so much for your amazing reviews on the last chapter! I really appreciate it. I love writing Archer and Derek's family, so I was really glad people liked their inclusion in the last chapter.

Here's the next chapter—it's another long one! I hope you like it. And as always, thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

"You should just start."

Addison's OB looked at her uncertainly. "Are you sure? I'm happy to wait a little longer."

"That's okay," Addison said, glancing at her watch. "We've already waited twenty minutes. I'm sure you have other patients to see. And I have to get back to work too."

"I'm happy to wait a little longer," her OB said patiently.

"No. It's fine," Addison insisted, even though it wasn't.

She glanced at the door and immediately felt pathetic. How many times had she done that in the past? Glancing at the door of the brownstone, hoping for Derek to come home. Glancing at the doorways of various restaurants, hoping Derek would walk through and not miss their dinner reservation yet again. And, now, glancing at the door of the exam room, hoping that Derek wouldn't miss their appointment.

"Something must have come up," Addison said, doing her best to sound unaffected. She moved her hand to her belly, trying to settle her kicking daughter. "It's no big deal," she lied forcing a smile. "Really. We should get started."

"Okay," her OB agreed in an overly cheerful voice. "This is going to be a little cold."

xxxxx

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch," Derek said as he approached Addison, who was standing by the nurses' station, consulting a chart. "I was walking by that restaurant we like yesterday. You know, the one across the street. And they have Christmas decorations up. I thought we could—"

"Not now, Derek," Addison interrupted, not bothering to look up from her chart.

"We don't have to go now. Maybe in a half hour? Forty-five minutes?"

"No."

Derek looked at his ex-wife in confusion. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Addison said dismissively. "Everything's good. I just … I should have seen this coming."

"What are you talking about? Is this about lunch?"

Addison shook her head and gave her ex-husband a pointed look. "Where were you this morning?"

"What?" Derek asked in confusion. "I got pulled into an emergency surgery. I don't see what you're flipping out over."

Addison swallowed thickly. Technically, Derek had an excuse—a valid excuse—for not being there this morning. But that didn't mean she had to like it.

"What am I missing, Addison?" Derek asked, cutting into her thoughts. "Tell me what I'm missing."

"We had an appointment this morning," Addison reminded her ex-husband, looking him square in the eye. "It would have been nice of you to show up, or at the very least, remember that you missed it."

"Addison, it was a crazy morning. I was running through surgical procedures for Mason's operation … without much success. And then a man came in with an aneurism that needed immediate attention. What do you what from me?"

"I want you to care."

"I do care," Derek insisted. "Look, this was life or death, Addison. The appointment this morning … it wasn't –"

"Don't finish that sentence," Addison warned. She glared at her ex-husband. "You don't know what happened at the appointment. And you don't know what could happen tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. I could slip and fall in the shower. Or get in a car accident. Or have a placental abr—"

But she couldn't get out the rest of the sentence. The thought of losing their baby was unthinkable. Her hand dropped to her stomach, where their daughter was kicking; and for a brief moment, she allowed herself to be reassured. This wasn't their reality.

She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and took in her ex-husband's expression. His face was sheet-white, his eyes hollow.

"She's okay," Addison choked out. Sure, she was still angry with Derek, but hitting him with a list of all the bad things that could possibly happen to their baby was a low blow … and a line of thinking that upset her as well.

Derek just stared at her, eyes sunken in, body slight trembling.

"She's okay," Addison repeated gently, attempting to reassure both Derek and herself.

Derek nodded mutely. Uncertainly.

"Really, Derek; she's perfect."

"Yeah?" he asked, his voice thick with emotion.

Addison nodded, her eyes soft. "Strong heartbeat, perfect size, completely healthy."

A look of relief washed over Derek's face. "Addison, I …"

"I'll see you at home, Derek," Addison filled in.

Derek looked at his ex-wife in confusion. She didn't sound angry. But she certainly didn't sound warm either. She sounded cold … matter-of-fact.

"Addison, at least get lunch with me," he bargained. "I want to hear about the appointment."

Addison shook her head. "I need some space," she admitted.

"Space? From what?"

"From you, Derek."

"What? Why?"

Addison sighed. "I'm not saying you were wrong to prioritize things the way you did this morning. It's just … when I was waiting for you to show up to the appointment this morning … feeling weak and pathetic … I kept thinking that I can't do this again. I can't be the only one present in our relationship. I can't be the only one fighting for us. I don't deserve that. And neither does our daughter."

"Addison, what was I supposed to do?"

Addison shook her head. "I'll see you at home, Derek."

"That's your solution to this?" Derek asked, growing angry. "You're just going to walk away? You can't do that."

"Why not? You do it all the time."

He watched her retreating form, unsure what to do.

He tried to work … run through Mason's surgery again. But he couldn't concentrate. He kept imagining Addison slipping and falling as she ran through the hospital in her impossibly high heels, or getting into a head-on collision on her drive home.

He stared down at the practice skull he'd been running through Mason's procedure on and sighed. Had this actually be Mason's skull, he would have nicked a nerve, and the infant would have died on his operating table.

"Damnit!" he groaned in frustration.

"Everything okay in there?"

Derek looked up in surprise and saw Richard standing in the doorway, watching him.

"I don't what I'm doing," Derek admitted.

Richard raised an eyebrow. "Care to be more specific?

"Not particularly." Derek sighed. "Can we just skip ahead to the part where you tell me that I'm essentially a son to you, and then offer me some fatherly advice?"

"This isn't an after-school special, Derek."

"Yeah, I know," Derek sighed, looking down at the practice skull in front of him.

"I'll let you get back to work," Richard said, following Derek's gaze. "It looks like you could use the practice."

"Yeah, okay. See you later, Richard."

"Later, Derek," Richard said, making his way out the door. "Oh, and, Shepherd?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know what's going on with you, but do yourself a favor and set things right with Addison. I think it'll help you figure out what you're doing."

xxxxx

A couple hours later, Derek opened the door to his house. He stood in the foyer and took in the Christmas decorations that had been there for weeks. Understated elegance—Addison's favorite. The house smelled like a mix of cinnamon and pine—a scent he'd come to associate with Christmas. And one of his favorite scents. And for a moment, he stood there taking it all in.

He made his way into the living room. Addison, still dressed in her work clothes, was sitting on the couch, one hand resting on her belly. She was watching a Christmas movie. He didn't have to look at the screen to know she was watching _It's A Wonderful Life_ —her favorite Christmas movie. They always watched it together around Christmas. Just like they always watched _When Harry Met Sally_ around New Years.

"Watching without me?" Derek smirked as he entered the living room.

She shrugged. "You're home early."

"So are you."

"I couldn't concentrate," she admitted.

"Neither could I." He sat down on the other end of the couch, deliberately keeping some space between them. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm sorry I forgot about our appointment. And I'm sorry I minimized it or made it seem like it wasn't important. It is. It's just … hard. Balancing work and life. Apparently, I never got the hang of it."

"That's not true."

Derek shrugged in defeat. "I'm not very good at it. It's just … the thing is … I can't promise that something like this will never happen again. Because, more than likely, it will."

"I know," Addison nodded. "And I can't promise that I won't get upset if it happens again. Because I probably will." She looked at her ex-husband sadly. "I guess we're at an impasse."

"Not necessarily."

"What do you mean?"

"December 20th," Derek said, a small smile coming to his face.

"What?"

"It's today's date," Derek explained. "I talked to Richard this afternoon and told him we're both taking December 20th off next year … and every year after that."

"Why?"

"Because it'll be our day. We'll spend it together … not working. It's already scheduled as a day off for us next year."

"Derek, this doesn't change things."

"Maybe not entirely. But it's a start." He sighed. "I know this doesn't fix everything. I know that by making December 20th our day to spend together, I'm not waving some magic wand and erasing the past. And I also know that I'll probably miss other important things. But it's different this time, Addison. Because I care."

Addison turned Derek's words over in her head. "Can I tell you something?" she asked after a moment.

"Yeah."

"I believe you."

"You do?"

She sighed. "I believe you when you say that this probably won't be the last time you miss or forget about something important. And I understand that. Because we chose this career. And truth be told, I'll probably end up missing my fair share of important things as well."

"Ad—"

"But I also believe you when you say you care," Addison continued. "And even though us taking December 20th off every year doesn't guarantee anything, I, uh, I guess it's a step in the right direction for us."

Derek gave her a small smile. "I think it is."

"Yeah." Addison patted the empty spot on the couch, next to her, and met Derek's eyes. "Want to join me?" she asked, gesturing toward the screen. "It's almost over, but I know you like the end."

Derek nodded and slid over on the couch so he could sit next to Addison. She was right; he did like the end of the movie. He glanced at the screen for a moment, but decided the movie could wait.

Some things were more important.

He pulled Addison into his arms, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and placing a hand on her stomach. "You never told me how the appointment went this morning," he whispered.

She gave him a slight smile, and he couldn't help grinning. A few hours ago, Addison surely would have responded to his request with some type of angry comment about how it was his own fault he didn't know how the appointment went … or that he'd know if he cared. Admittedly, neither comment would have been unjustified.

But Addison wasn't in the mood to argue with him. And he was glad.

"I'll tell you what," Addison bargained. "I'll tell you about the appointment, if you tell me about your aneurism case."

"Okay," Derek agreed with a chuckle, as he rubbed soft circles over their daughter. "But you go first."

It was only right that she went first he resolved. Sure, his had been a situation of life and death. But in the grand scheme of _their_ lives, hers was more important.

So, she talked and he listened … and both of them couldn't help smiling when their daughter decided to insert herself into the story and make her presence known with a couple of swift kicks against her father's hand.

"Your favorite part's coming up, Der," Addison said, cutting herself off mid-sentence and gesturing toward the movie playing on the television screen.

But Derek didn't look. "I don't care," he insisted, meeting her eyes and smiling. "I want to hear more about this morning."

xxxxx

"That was perfect," Addison beamed.

Derek looked at his ex-wife over his surgical glasses. "You could be a little less condescending," he said dryly.

"I'm not being condescending," she insisted. "I'm impressed. You performed the surgery perfectly. Four times in a row, no less."

Derek looked down at the practice skull and smiled. Addison wasn't wrong. He had just flawlessly run through Mason's surgery four times in a row. It was starting to feel like second nature to him.

Mason's surgery date was approaching fast. Less than two weeks away. And he and Addison wanted to be as prepared as possible for it. That's how they ended up spending Christmas Eve day in the hospital, running through the procedure.

He looked at his ex-wife and gave her a slight smile. "You ready to get out of here?"

Addison nodded. "Yeah. I just want to stop by Mason's room first. We should wish Julie and Matthew a Merry Christmas. And I got Mason a small Christmas gift. From us."

"Is that allowed?" Derek asked uncertainly.

"It's a small gift, Derek," Addison said, brushing aside his concerns. Besides," she continued, "if this hospital suddenly decided to be concerned about things like this, they'd be wise to start with all of the sex that takes place around here. You've got doctors sleeping with patients … attendings sleeping with interns. The hospital is leaving itself wide open for a—"

"What about us?" Derek cut in.

"What do you mean?" Addison asked. "We've never slept together in this hospital. Well, we've shared a bed," she amended, remembering the night they stayed over after Mason was born. "But we've never had sex here."

"We should."

"Derek." She tried to sound condescending, but one look at her ex-husband made it loud and clear that he wasn't buying it.

"I mean, we've had sex pretty much everywhere else," Derek pointed out. "This was an oversight on our part."

Addison chuckled. "Don't you want to know what we got Mason?" she asked purposefully changing the subject.

"Not particularly."

Addison shook her head in amusement. "I'll think about it," she told her ex-husband, doing her best to sound noncommittal.

"Good," Derek said, smiling widely. "I will too."

xxxxx

He learned a few minutes later that Addison (or, technically, he and Addison) had bought Mason Christmas pajamas.

He had to hand it to Addison; to the untrained eye, the pajamas looked … nice. But not insanely expensive. He, however, knew this was deceiving. He didn't have to touch the fabric of the tiny red pajamas to know they were incredibly soft. Plus, Mason's initials— _MCR_ —were monogramed on the left side. He knew from Addison that monograms aren't cheap.

And Julie and Matthew seemed to like it. Julie even gave him and Addison hugs, which he had to admit, was a welcome change.

He and Addison weren't the only ones concerned about Mason's upcoming surgery. Julie and Matthew were getting increasingly worried as well—understandably so. But unlike him and Addison, who channeled their fears into practicing and perfecting Mason's surgery, Julie and Matthew had channeled their fears into picking fights with him and Addison … snapping at them if they didn't like the results of a test that had come back … questioning their professional opinions with Google searches … and Derek had caught Julie, on several occasions, glaring at his ex-wife's growing belly resentfully.

But, today, Julie and Matthew seemed to be in good spirts, and Derek was grateful. That being said, he was also grateful that he and Addison would be leaving the hospital soon—and would be free to spend Christmas together, not thinking about Julie and Matthew and their ever-changing temperaments.

"So, call me if you need anything," he heard Addison tell Julie. And he had to resist rolling his eyes at that. He still wasn't thrilled about how willingly Addison gave Julie and Matthew her personal information.

"Thanks," Julie nodded. "I will. Merry Christmas, Dr. Montgomery."

"Merry Christmas," Addison returned, giving Julie and Matthew a warm smile. She turned toward Mason, who was looking at her alertly. "Merry Christmas," she cooed to the infant.

"Merry Christmas, Mason," Derek echoed, a genuine smile on his face. Sure, Mason's parents weren't his favorite people, but he had to admit, he really liked Mason. He turned to his ex-wife. "You ready to go?"

She nodded; and after saying goodbye to Julie, Matthew, and Mason one more time, they made their way out of the hospital and towards Derek's car.

"I'm really looking forward to Christmas," Derek admitted after a couple minutes of driving.

"I am too." Addison gave her ex-husband a loving smile. "What do you say we go home and change into Christmas pajamas? I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted."

"I'm so tired," Derek admitted.

"And then I'll make you some hot buttered rum and make myself …" She paused for a moment. "Something that's not virgin eggnog."

Derek couldn't help chuckling at that. Last night, they'd decided to get into the Christmas spirit with eggnog. Actual eggnog for him. Virgin eggnog for her. Apparently, their daughter wasn't a fan, because shortly thereafter, Addison was white knuckling pretty much every toilet in the house and vomiting as badly as she had back in her first trimester.

"Maybe just stick to hot chocolate, tonight," Derek recommended lightly.

Addison nodded in agreement. "It's a shame about the eggnog, though," she lamented, rubbing her belly. "Eggnog is so … Christmassy."

Derek grinned. "Our daughter doesn't understand yet that Christmas is our season." He briefly turned his attention from the road and gave his ex-wife a smile. "She'll learn soon enough."

A few minutes later, they pulled into their driveway.

"It looks like someone left a package for us," Derek observed, gesturing to the brown box that was resting against the front door. He squinted to try to see it better. "At least, I think someone did."

They reached the front door and confirmed that someone had, indeed, sent them a package.

"It's from my mother," Derek informed his ex-wife in confusion, as she let them into the house. "What would she be sending us?"

Addison shrugged. "Open it and find out."

"I, uh," Derek hesitated. "It's not Christmas yet."

"So?" Addison laughed. "Derek, you're an adult. You don't have to wait until Christmas to open presents. Besides, it's Christmas Eve. That's close enough."

"That's true," Derek conceded, before ripping into the package.

It turned out the gift wasn't for him. And it wasn't for Addison either (not that he thought it would be). It was for the baby.

A soft smile formed on Derek's face when he realized what his mother had sent. "I can't believe she did this," he admitted, as he unfolded a soft baby blanket.

Addison felt her heart flutter in her chest as she watched Derek's reaction. It was a well-known fact in the Shepherd family that Carolyn sewed every new grandchild a baby blanket.

"I didn't think she'd do this for us," Derek admitted, his voice rough with emotion.

"Neither did I," Addison said, giving her ex-husband a warm smile as he continued to unfold the blanket.

"I, uh …" he whispered, his voice getting caught in his throat when he noticed the right corner of the baby blanket. Stitched into it were the initials, _IAS_ … their daughter's initials. Carolyn referred to this her signature trademark—stitching the baby's initials into the blanket.

"I haven't spoken to my mother since Thanksgiving," Derek choked out. "I've been ignoring her phone calls. How did …?"

"She called me," Addison explained. "And I told her. Well, I gave her the initials, not the name."

Derek smiled at his ex-wife adoringly. "Thank you," he whispered.

Addison nodded mutely, as she watched her ex-husband continue to wrestle with his emotions.

Derek shook his head in disbelief, his eyes still fixed on the initials stitched into the lavender blanket. He swallowed roughly. As angry as he had been (and still was) with his mother, he'd wanted this blanket for his daughter.

"I, uh, I guess we can't change her name," he joked, desperate to infuse some lightheartedness into the situation … for his purposes.

"We can still change her name," Addison laughed. "I don't want to," she added quickly.

"Good," Derek nodded. "I don't either. At least, not today."

Earlier that month, they'd agreed on a name they both loved. But it hadn't stopped them from pulling out the baby name book from time to time, just to make sure there wasn't some better name that they hadn't thought of for their daughter.

"Your mother stitching some letters into a blanket doesn't make things legal and binding," Addison reminded her ex-husband. "Think about Nancy. She announced her daughter's name to the family really early in her pregnancy … and then chose a completely different name after she was born. Your mom just redid part of the blanket."

"Or Kathleen," Derek chuckled.

"She deserved that," Addison admitted grudgingly.

When Kathleen found out she was pregnant with her eldest, she told Addison that she wasn't going to use her as her OB. She knew Addison was a good doctor and had delivered several of their nieces and nephews; but she thought it would be weird having Addison poking around down there, and she didn't want to make their relationship awkward—despite Addison's reassurances that she was a professional.

She found a doctor who she trusted, which was good. Unfortunately, the doctor wasn't. Medically, she was fine, and delivered the baby safely. But her ultrasound-reading skills weren't great. Because she'd told Kathleen that she was having a little girl, when she actually ended up having a little boy.

Addison shook her head in amusement. "Poor Ethan's going-home outfit was a frilly little dress."

Derek laughed. "It's kind of ridiculous that none of us thought to bring something else to hospital for him to go home in."

Addison shrugged noncommittally.

"You won that one, Addison," Derek reminded his ex-wife. "Kathleen used you as her OB for _every_ child after that. And there were a lot."

"And not one sonogram-reading mistake with me," Addison reminded Derek cockily.

Derek shook his head in amusement. "I guess if you're going to hold a grudge against one member of my family, I'm glad it's Kathleen."

"I adore Kathleen," Addison insisted defensively.

"I know," Derek nodded. "It's just …" He turned his attention back to the blanket in his hand. "It would have been easy to hold a grudge against my mother for everything she said on Thanksgiving … and not answer her calls." He tinged red in embarrassment. "That's what I did."

Addison shrugged. "I figured if your mother was calling me, whatever she had to say was important. So, I answered. And it was important."

"Thank you," Derek said quietly, smiling down at the blanket in his hand. "Thanks for doing this."

"I didn't. Your mom did."

"You know what I mean."

Addison nodded in concession. She did know what he meant.

"I knew this was important to you," she smiled. "And it's important to me too."

xxxxx

Christmas came and went. So did New Years. And before they knew it, it was January 4th. 11:52 p.m. on January 4th, to be exact.

Addison couldn't sleep. Mason's surgery was in less than twelve hours. And even though Derek had successfully run through the surgery so many times he could perform it with his eyes closed, she was still worried.

Even the most routine surgeries could be unpredictable. And Mason's surgery was anything but routine.

"Can I tell you something?" she whispered into the darkness.

"How did you know I was up?"

"Derek, I've share a bed with you for over a decade. I know your sleep habits better than my own." She paused a moment, waiting for him to respond. "I'm going to tell you something, okay?"

"Okay."

"You have every right to be nervous about tomorrow."

Derek shook his head. "And here I was thinking you were going to tell me _not_ to be nervous about tomorrow."

"No." She sat up in bed and turned to face her ex-husband. "I'm not going to say that. What I am going to say is that I know for a fact that Mason couldn't ask to have a better brain surgeon operating on him tomorrow."

"Thanks, Addie," Derek mumbled weakly.

"Still," Addison continued, "despite that, _I'm_ nervous about tomorrow. So, don't beat yourself up for not being your normal, confident self. Because I know you're beating yourself up."

"I … don't know what's wrong with me," Derek admitted. "I can't remember the last time I was so worried about a surgery."

"It's a risky surgery. And you're attached."

"I am attached," Derek agreed. He sighed. "Operating on babies never gets easier. I don't know how you do it."

It was true. And it was something he thought about repeatedly over the years—when Addison first chose her specialty; when she lost patients; and whenever he operated on babies.

Mark used to tease Addison that her specialty was squishy and pink. But nothing could be farther from the truth as far as Derek was concerned. Operating on babies took a special kind of toughness. And it was one of the many things he admired about his ex-wife.

"I'd say you get used to it," Addison began, cutting into his thoughts. "Working with sick babies ... But you never really do."

Derek nodded in agreement.

"You should try to get some sleep," Addison said lightly.

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "I know. I just—"

"Hey, remember that time in med. school when you had that really bad sore throat the day before your anatomy final? And you couldn't sleep?"

"Yeah," Derek said, stifling a chuckle. "You gave me some type of sleeping medicine," he reminded her, his voice accusatory.

"I thought it would help," Addison defended. "I didn't know you'd never taken sleeping medicine before; I wasn't expecting it to affect you so much."

"That's putting it mildly," Derek laughed. "I almost slept through my 9 a.m. final. And even though I made it there, I think we can all agree I was anything but there." He shook his head in amusement. "I felt hungover the entire final and my right hand didn't stop feeling numb until halfway through."

Addison smiled. "I remember looking over at you at one point during the exam to make sure you were okay … it just looked like you were concentrating really, really hard."

"I _was_ concentrating really, really hard." Derek laughed heartily. "I had to read the test instructions like ten times. Everything looked so fuzzy. I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep mid-exam."

Addison chuckled. "It turned out okay in the end," she pointed out. "You still got an A."

"To this day, I still don't know how I pulled that off," Derek confessed. He looked at his ex-wife in confusion. "Is there some kind of link between that story and Mason's surgery?"

"No," Addison admitted. "I just wanted to make you laugh so you'd relax a little." She peered at him through the darkness. "Did it work at all?"

A small smile spread across Derek's face. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"It actually did."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Thanks so much for your kind comments on the last chapter! I really appreciate it. Here's the latest chapter. I hope you like it. I'll try to get the next chapter up quickly, but I also started working on an Addek Christmas story … because 'tis the season!

Thanks again to everyone who's still reading and reviewing! I love hearing what you think!

* * *

She remembered his first solo surgery. Benign brain tumor removal on a young, otherwise healthy man, Kevin Reynolds. Looking back, it was a relativity simple surgery. But back then, it seemed like a big deal. Still, he looked so confident.

She also remembered the first patient he lost. Amelia Peterson … unexpected brain bleed. The name was unfortunate. He took it hard.

She's been there through everything—all of Derek's surgical wins and losses.

Today felt new, though. As much as they've convinced themselves this surgery is the same as any other surgery, they both know it's not.

"So, I'll insert a shunt to drain the fluid in Mason's brain," Derek explained, ripping Addison from her thoughts. "And from there, Dr. Sloan will take over and perform the cranial reconstruction. Does all that make sense?"

Julie and Matthew stared at Derek, shell shocked. This wasn't the first time they'd had Mason's procedure explained to them. Probably closer to the fiftieth. But Mason's surgery was in mere hours and that made things different.

"Dr. Webber, our chief of surgery, is going to sit with you," Derek continued gesturing toward Richard. "And Dr. Karev," he said, motioning toward Alex, "will provide you with periodic updates." He paused and took in Julie and Matthew's fearful expressions. "Do either of you have any questions?"

"Can we … can we have a minute with Mason alone?" Julie asked. "You know, before you put him under."

"Of course," Addison nodded. "Take all the time you need."

Matthew made his way into Mason's hospital room, but Julie lingered outside.

"Dr. Montgomery?" she said, her voice cracking, as she pulled Addison aside. "I was, um, hoping I could talk to you for a minute."

"Sure," Addison said sympathetically. "What can I do for you?"

"I know you always go out of your way not to promise me that Mason's going to be okay. But I need you to. Today, I need you to tell me everything's going to be okay."

"Julie," Addison began gently, "Mason is in the very best hands possible."

"No, that's not enough!" Julie insisted. "You have to promise me he's going to be okay."

Addison shook her head. Doctors don't make these types of promises. Even for the most routine surgeries.

"Mason's a fighter," she told Julie, doing her best to be reassuring, but not dishonest. "And we're going to do everything we can in there today."

"I know. But I need to know he's going to be okay. I need to promise you're not going to let anything happen to him."

Addison swallowed thickly. She couldn't promise Julie that. "I'll monitor him more closely than any patient I've monitored in my career."

That she could promise.

"Really?" Julie asked. "Closer than any patient ever?"

Addison nodded. "We're going to be putting Mason under soon," she told Julie gently. "So, if you want to spend some time with him beforehand …" She motioned toward his hospital room. "Now's the time to do it."

"Yeah … okay."

Addison watched Julie's retreating form for a moment before Derek snuck up behind her.

"Feel like getting a pre-surgery cup of coffee with me?" he asked.

"Yeah. I do."

Technically, she wasn't drinking caffeine right now, but that didn't stop her from walking over to the coffee cart with Derek.

She knew Derek would order an espresso. It was a pre-surgery ritual he'd picked up from her. Espresso has been her go-to pre-surgery drink of choice for as long as she could remember. Mostly because it provided a quick boost of caffeine and was more forgiving on the bladder than a regular cup of coffee (which was crucial for longer surgeries).

They made their way back from the coffee cart to see Matthew standing there waiting for them. His arms were folded across his chest and he was glaring at them icily.

"Where were you?" Matthew demanded. "I came out of Mason's room and you two were nowhere to be seen. Have you two decided to just check out completely? Because if you have, you picked the worst possible to day to—"

"What?" Derek interrupted in confusion, unwilling to let Matthew's little charade go any further. "Matthew, what are you talking about? And where do you get off asking—"

"Matthew, I know you're worried," Addison cut in. "But we're not abandoning you or Mason. I promise you that."

"Dude, it's also probably not the smartest move to threaten the doctor who's about to cut into your son's skull," Alex added, joining the conversation.

Addison shook her head disapprovingly, but Derek rewarded the resident with a grin.

"I'm going to take one final look at Mason's lab results from this morning," Derek said, deciding to be an adult and side step yet another argument with Matthew. "And once we confirm everything's clear, we'll be ready to go. Dr. Montgomery … Dr. Karev," he said, motioning for Addison and Alex to join him.

"That guy is crazy," Alex muttered as they walked away.

"Tell me about it," Derek agreed.

"He's worried," Addison defended. "It's understandable."

"I think he's nuts," Alex disagreed as Derek scanned Mason's labs.

Addison shook her head at her resident. "Has your bedside manner seriously deteriorated that badly in the time I stopped working here?"

Alex shrugged. "It's possible. No one else here is overly concerned with teaching, right Dr. Shepherd?"

"Karev, I'm not in the mood," Derek warned. "One more comment like that and I'll have you reassigned. And you can help Richard watch Matthew and Julie."

"No thanks," Alex muttered under his breath.

"That's what I thought," Derek smirked.

Addison shook her head in amusement. "How do Mason's labs look?" she asked, peering over Derek's shoulder to look at them herself.

"Perfect," Derek smiled. "We should be able to start shortly."

xxxxx

Addison looked around the OR. Everything was set. Mark was standing off to the side, looking as confident as ever, ready to step in for the cranial reconstruction. Though, they had a long way to go before that happened.

Alex was standing next to her, his eyes fixed resolutely on the machines monitoring Mason's stats.

And Derek was standing on the other side of the operating table. His eyes were focused on Mason, who was lying on the table, sedated. And when Derek glanced up, and they locked eyes, she couldn't help smiling.

It happened relatively frequently—their eyes meeting over an operating table—but it made her chest flutter every time it happened. Because it reminded her of the first time they locked eyes … that summer, over the cadaver.

And she liked that memory.

Admittedly, it was slightly different each time their eyes met after that. They were more established, less naïve, more jaded, less insecure.

She liked that too.

They'd grown into the surgeons they were today together. And each time their eyes met over an operating table, she was reminded of that.

"Karev, are you ready?" Derek asked, cutting into Addison's thoughts.

"Ready," Alex nodded.

Derek looked slightly behind him. "Mark?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Mark," Derek scolded.

"I'm ready."

"Good," Derek approved. He turned to his ex-wife. "Addie?"

"Ready."

"Okay, good." He inhaled deeply. "Okay, everybody; it's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun."

Addison's eyes flicked back and forth between Derek, Mason, and all the machines the infant was attached to. She'd run through the procedure so many times with Derek, she knew it by heart. In fact, an arrogant part of her suspected that, if she had to, she could perform the surgery herself. Of course, she also knew better than to voice those thoughts out loud.

"Der, BP's dropping," she warned, her eyes darting to the beeping machines.

"So is pulse ox," Alex added, his eyes widening.

"Just … give me a minute," Derek muttered as the beeping grew louder. "I just need a minute to—"

Addison shook her head. "I don't think you have a minute, Derek."

"I just need to … damn it!"

"Derek?" Addison asked, doing her best to keep her composure. She quickly assessed the situation; as far as she could see, he hadn't nicked a nerve or blood vessel.

"BP's still dropping," Alex warned. "Dr. Shepherd, he's gonna go into shock if—"

"Just give me … there," Derek breathed, a small smile coming to his face as the beeping sound normalized.

"Stats are rising," Alex said, not taking his eyes off the monitors; the relief in his voice obvious.

"Nice job," Addison smiled, meeting Derek's eyes.

"We're not done yet," he admitted.

"I know," Addison agreed. "Still … nice job."

From there, the surgery was textbook. Or as textbook as a completely non-textbook surgery could be.

"Looks good," Derek complimented, as he watched Mark complete his final stitch.

"Of course it does," Mark bragged. "My sutures are perfect."

"They are," Addison agreed, nodding in approval. "It's annoying," she muttered.

"Done," Mark beamed.

Derek smiled. "Nice job," he said sincerely. "Okay, let's move Mason into post-op."

"Wait," Addison said, stopping the post-op team that was getting ready to move Mason. "I'm going with him."

"Addie," Derek reasoned. "You don't have to."

"I know," Addison said. "I just … I promised Julie."

Derek shook his head disapprovingly.

"I know," Addison conceded. "But she'll feel better if I'm in there with him. And I will too."

Derek sighed. "I don't get it," he admitted.

"I know, but—"

"But I'll go with you anyway," Derek said, giving his ex-wife a small smile.

A small smile spread across Addison's face. "Really?"

"Really," Derek nodded. "Come on, let's scrub out."

Mark and Alex were already scrubbing out when they reached the scrub room

"That was seriously cool," Alex marveled. "I mean, I know I pretty much spent the entire surgery looking at a machine, but still … it was really cool."

"Just one of the benefits of working with an attending who actually values teaching," Addison winked. She dried her hands on a scrub room towel. "Anyway," she continued, addressing Alex and Mark. "Derek and I are going to sit with Mason for a while. And then we'll page you when we're ready to talk to Julie and Matthew, and the four of us can update them on Mason together. Sound good?"

"Wait," Mark said.

Addison looked at her friend in confusion. "Does something not make sense?"

"No, it's just … before you and Derek go … Karev," he said, turning to Alex and handing him his phone. "Can you take a picture of the three of us?"

"Now?" Addison asked in confusion. "Mark, we've been in surgery for hours."

"I know," Mark conceded. "It's just … this was a big surgery for the three of us. A history-making surgery. And I think my niece will appreciate this one of these days."

Addison's eyes softened; she gave Mark an appreciative smile.

"I don't even recognize you anymore," Derek muttered to his friend, as Alex snapped a picture. "When did you turn into an adult who thinks about other people?"

"First of all, that was harsh," Mark said, pretending to be offended. "And I don't know," he shrugged, nudging Derek good-naturedly. "You're not the only one who can grow up; you realize that, right?"

"I never said—"

"Just say, 'Great idea, Mark. You're going to be the best uncle ever,' and move on," Mark teased. "I swear; it's not that hard."

Derek chuckled. "Both of those things are true," he admitted. "Thanks, Mark," he said sincerely. He turned to Addison. "You ready?"

"I am."

"Good," Derek smiled. "Let's go."

And with that, she and Derek joined the post-op team, who were wheeling Mason away.

xxxxx

"He looks good," Derek observed.

Addison smiled. "He does," she agreed.

She and Derek had been sitting by Mason's bedside for twenty minutes, and he was holding steady.

"He's a fighter," Addison marveled.

Derek nodded. "He'd have to be. With parents like his, he doesn't have much of a choice."

"Derek," Addison scolded, nudging her ex-husband playfully.

"What?" Derek shrugged. "I'm joking … kind of." He captured his ex-wife's hand in his. "Admit it; that was pretty funny."

Addison chuckled and met her ex-husband's eyes. "Can I tell you something?" she asked growing serious.

"Yeah," Derek nodded, pressing a kiss just above her knuckle.

"You were really great in there today, Derek. You slew dragons, you walked on water, you…" she trailed off, brushing her lips against his. "You were a god."

"Thanks," he smiled. "I have to admit, this one felt good."

Addison looked at her ex-husband lovingly. "We should celebrate."

"Celebrate?"

"Yeah." Addison looked thoughtful. "A few weeks ago, you mentioned that you and I haven't slept together in the hospital yet." She raised an eyebrow. "Seems like a good way to celebrate to me."

A wide smile spread across Derek's face. "Are you serious?"

Addison raised an eyebrow coquettishly.

"Yeah?" Derek asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Addison smiled, meeting his eyes. "But, um, maybe we can stay with Mason a little longer," she said. "Just until the anesthesia wears off."

"Yeah," he agreed softly, moving his chair even closer to hers. "I think that sounds good."

xxxxx

January turned into February. And before they knew it, it was Valentine's Day.

Addison had to work. So, Derek went shopping ... and convinced Mark to go with him.

"What do you think of that one?" Derek asked, peering into the jewelry case in front of them.

"I … it's really nice," Mark said. "But it's a necklace."

"I know." He turned to his friend. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," Mark shrugged. "It's just … when you asked me to go shopping with you, I thought it was weird. But then you told me we were going to a jewelry store … and it seemed less weird. Because I was with you the first time you bought Addison a ring, so it kind of made sense. And now … you're getting her a necklace. I just … I thought you were proposing."

"I …" Derek trailed off.

He'd be lying if he said the thought hadn't crossed his mind.

But he and Addison had been married before. And it had ended badly. And if they did it again, he wanted to make sure they did it right. The stakes were higher this time.

"I think just the necklace today," Derek said evasively. "Besides, I know Addison; and she'd think a Valentine's Day proposal is tacky and cliché. And I do too."

"Oh. Okay. But, um … you two are okay, right?" Mark asked in concern. "There's not trouble in paradise or anything?"

Derek shook his head. "Mark, look at the price tag on the necklace I'm about to buy. Do you really think I'd spend that type of money if things between me and Addison were going badly?"

Mark shrugged. "I guess not."

"I, um … I'll tell you what," Derek said after a moment. " _When_ I do go ring shopping, you'll be the first to know."

"I should hope so. I was the first one to know the last time. I don't see why this time should be any different."

Because this time _will_ be different, Derek thought to himself.

This time it'll last.

This time it really would be every day until eternity.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thank you so much for your kind feedback on the last chapter! I love hearing what you think. I was also excited by the positive response I got to my mention of starting an Addek Christmas story. It's on its way. In the meantime, here's the next chapter of this story. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

"Addie, we're going to be late," Derek called out as he searched the house for his ex-wife. "Addison?"

"In here."

Derek pushed open the door to their daughter's nursery and saw Addison standing in the center of the room, a satisfied smile on her face.

He'd be the first to admit the room looked amazing. Initially, he'd had his reservations against the white and gold color scheme Addison was so dead set on. But he had to hand it to her, the room was perfect.

"What's going on?" he asked in confusion.

Addison smiled. "I was just thinking about how glad I am that Mason is getting all of this. You know? A nursery to go home to, parents who love him."

"I'm not sure Mason's a big winner in the parents department," Derek muttered.

"Derek."

"What? I'm sorry, Honey; I like Mason a lot. You know that. But Julie and Matthew will never be my favorite people."

Addison shook her head. "Well, at least play nice today. Mason's going home."

"I always play nice."

"That's debatable." She smiled as her eyes scanned the nursery. "It's crazy to think our daughter will be here in less than a month."

"I know." He gave her a small smirk. "Scared?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"Terrified."

Derek chuckled. "Me too. Although your OB seems to think she's going to be late."

"A lot of first babies are."

"I think she takes after me. I was almost two weeks late."

Addison winced. "Yeah. I seem to recall your mother sharing that story a couple of times."

A couple of times was conservative. Addison had heard to story of how Derek was nearly two weeks late—and all the old wives' tales Derek's parents had tested out trying to induce labor—way too many times over the years.

"But I think you're right," Addison continued, moving her hand to her stomach. "It doesn't seem like she's in much of a hurry."

"Speaking of which, if we don't hurry, we're going to be late." He gave her a teasing grin. "I know you want to soak up every last possible moment with Julie and Matthew before they leave."

"You know what? I think you're going to miss them, Derek. I think all these slights and jokes are just your way of trying to cope with the fact that they're leaving."

Derek stared at her in disbelief. "You honestly think that?"

"No. Not at all," Addison said, laughing at her ex-husband's bewildered expression.

"Good," Derek chuckled. "Now, come on," he said, growing serious, "we're going to be late for work."

xxxxx

"This is it, Mason," Derek cooed to the infant in his arms. Your labs came back clean. You're breathing on your own. You're all set to go home."

"You're a fighter, Mason," Addison smiled, stroking the baby's cheek. "You overcame some tough odds."

"We'll see you in a couple of weeks for a checkup, okay?" Derek continued as if the infant could understand what he was saying.

Addison couldn't help smiling at this. Mason wasn't the first baby she'd seen Derek with. Not even close. But he was the first baby she'd seen him with in a while. And he was the first baby she'd seen him with since finding out she was pregnant.

She'd be the first to admit that Derek wasn't always the best when it came to dealing with Matthew and Julie. But she'd also be the first to admit that Derek was amazing with Mason.

She knew Derek was good with babies from watching him with his nieces and nephews. But watching him with Mason still melted her heart.

And she couldn't wait to see him with their baby.

"Paperwork's all signed. The car seat's set. Everything's ready to go," Matthew announced as he and Julie walked into Mason's hospital room and joined Addison and Derek.

"Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Shepherd," Julie said in surprise. "What are you two doing here? Is everything okay with Mason?"

"Everything's fine," Addison reassured. "We were just saying goodbye to Mason."

"Oh," Julie said, giving Addison and Derek a slight smile. "I, um, I was wondering if I could maybe talk to you, Dr. Montgomery. You know, alone … before we take Mason home."

"Sure," Addison nodded, sounding more confident than she felt. Julie was a loose cannon, and she had no idea what to expect. "Let's find somewhere outside to talk," she suggested.

They settled on some abandoned chairs in the hospital waiting room.

"Is everything alright?" Addison asked Julie in concern as they sat down.

"Yeah," Julie nodded. "I just wanted to thank you."

"That's really not necessary, Julie."

"No, it is. These last several months have been the toughest of my life. Literally hell on earth. And, honestly, you got me through it."

"I don't know about that, Julie."

"No, it's true," Julie insisted. "And it wasn't just that you delivered my son and performed all the tests. You made the whole nightmare a little more bearable."

"It's been a rough several months," Addison agreed. "But your son's a fighter. I think he gets it from you."

"Really?" Julie sniffled.

"Really."

"I, um … I know you got pregnant at the worst possible time for me," Julie continued, glancing at Addison's belly. "But you're going to be a really good mom. You probably know that already, though."

A slight smile came to Addison's face at Julie's compliment. "I'll tell you something that I haven't shared with anyone else," she confided. "My baby's middle name is inspired by a conversation that you and I had."

"Really?" Julie asked, inching her chair closer to Addison's.

Addison nodded. "I'm having a girl. I can't remember if I shared that with you."

Julie shook her head. "You didn't. But … congratulations."

"Thank you."

"So, what's her middle name?"

"Aria."

"That's pretty. But, um, how was that inspired by a conversation we had?"

"The first day we met, you thought I wasn't going to take on Mason's case. So, you asked to speak to me alone. And you told me you could see my reluctance and that you knew the odds weren't good. But you also told me that you had to try. That you couldn't not try."

"I remember that conversation," Julie nodded, a small smile coming to her face.

"You used a metaphor that stuck with me."

"I did?"

"Yeah. You talked about the way children run when they're outside playing … how they try to catch the wind, even though they can't."

Julie smiled in recognition. "They can't catch the wind," she recited, "but they still try because maybe …" She shook her head in confusion. "I don't get how that's in any way connected to your daughter's middle name."

"Aria means air," Addison smiled. "Not quite wind, but close." She met Julie's eyes. "I want my daughter to try and catch the wind. I want her to go after the things she wants … even if they seem impossible or out of reach because maybe …"

Julie nodded mutely. "That's really nice," she admitted.

"Thank you," Addison smiled. "And thank you for the inspiration."

"I'm really glad I met you Dr. Montgomery."

"I'm glad I met you too, Julie."

"You really did get me through this. And Dr. Shepherd …" she continued, bringing Derek's name into the conversation. "I swear, never in my life have I met someone who has such a calming effect on Matthew."

xxxxx

Mason had left … accompanied with several hugs, balloons, and stuffed animals from the hospital staff, who'd grown quite attached to the infant during his stay at Seattle Grace.

They hype around Mason's leaving had finally quieted down and Addison and Derek were enjoying a quiet lunch together in the hospital cafeteria. At least, they were trying to.

"Nice work, you two," Richard beamed, coming over to Addison and Derek's table and offering the ex-married couple a congratulatory smile. "Really impressive work, both of you. And this has brought a lot of good publicity to the hospital. So, thank you."

"Just doing our jobs," Addison said modestly.

Of course, their respective successful surgeries and Mason finally being able to leave the hospital had brought a lot of compliments in her and Derek's direction. She knew the positive attention was deserved, and she appreciated it; but right now, she just wanted to eat lunch with Derek.

"Hey, McMarrieds, next time you get a case like that, I'm your guy," Alex said, cutting into Addison's thoughts. "There's no way I'm gonna let anyone else get in on those types of cases."

"We'll keep that in mind, Karev," Addison chuckled.

"And we're not McMarried," Derek muttered.

"Could have fooled me," Alex shrugged as he walked away.

Addison cleared her throat uncomfortably. "So, uh, it's going feel weird not having Mason as a patient anymore," she said, purposefully changing the subject.

Derek nodded in agreement. "Hey, what was it that Julie wanted to talk to you about anyway? You two were in the hallway for a while."

Addison shrugged. "Nothing serious. She just wanted to thank me."

"Oh, okay." Derek gave her a small smirk. "For a minute, I was worried you were inviting her to a summertime barbeque in the Hamptons or something."

Addison swallowed thickly. She knew Derek had meant it as a joke, but a summertime barbeque in the Hamptons with Derek and their daughter was her idea of perfection. And before she knew what was happening, her eyes began welling with tears.

"Addie?" Derek asked in concern. "Addison?"

"I'm fine," she insisted, doing everything in her power not to lose her battle with her tears. "Everything's fine. I just … can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"I know you hate the Hamptons. But the idea of us having a barbeque there with our daughter … it's a pretty picture."

"It's something you want?" He phrased it as a question, but technically he didn't have to.

"Yeah," she admitted. "It is."

"We should do it."

"What?"

"We should do it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. This summer. I'll invite my family. Or not," he amended.

"No, let's invite them," Addison said, blinking back the tears that were still threating to escape her eyes. "And Archer?" she asked hopefully.

"Really?" Derek cringed. "Addie, you know how I feel about him."

"Derek."

"Fine," Derek sighed. "And we're obviously inviting Mark."

"That goes without saying."

"Hey, Addie, can I ask you something without you getting mad?"

"I guess."

"I'm going to chalk the tears up to hormones, but if it's at all possible, could you try to get them under control? Because Richard is watching us like a hawk from his table … and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm saying things that are upsetting you because he's looking at me like he wants to kill me."

xxxxx

The days and weeks of March ticked away relatively uneventfully. The hospital reluctantly threw Addison a baby shower … and she reluctantly attended. She and Derek had put the finishing touches on their daughter's nursery. And Addison, much to Richard's delight, had signed a year-long contract at Seattle Grace.

Addison and Derek's daughter proved everyone right by taking her sweet time being born—she was currently four days overdue. And while Addison was growing impatient and uncomfortable, she was doing her best to keep things in perspective.

She wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. And yet she had. And she'd had a relatively easy and uneventful pregnancy. Plus, Derek was doing everything he could to make things easier for her—from foot massages to late-night craving runs to only laughing at her a little when she started nesting and cleaned the house so thoroughly they could eat off the toilet bowl.

Things were simple; things were good … until they weren't.

It started when Addison woke up in the middle of the night, and immediately knew something was wrong.

"Derek," she groaned as she felt a contraction hit. "Derek, we need to get to the hospital."

"What?" Derek mumbled, sitting up in bed.

"Derek, we need to get to the hospital."

"Addison?" he asked, registering the pain and fear in her voice. "Is this it? Did your water break?"

"Derek, something's not right."

"Wait, what?" Derek asked in concern, as he helped her to her feet. "What do you mean something's not right?"

"My contractions are right on top of each other," Addison grimaced, squeezing Derek's hand as another contraction ripped through her body. "And I'm cramping really badly. That's not normal. I think the baby is in distress."

Derek swallowed thickly. For once in his life, he wished he and Addison weren't doctors. Because it meant knowing all the things that could possibly be wrong.

Fetal distress … this could mean an abnormality in their baby's heart rate. It could also mean their baby wasn't getting enough oxygen. Obviously, neither of these things were good.

Somehow, he managed to put one foot in front of the other and help Addison to the car. And as he made the drive to the hospital—as quickly as humanly possible—he couldn't help glancing over at Addison.

She was crying … tears steadily coursing down her cheeks. Maybe it was from the pain of the contractions. But he kind of doubted it. He knew the more likely reason was that she didn't know whether their daughter was going to be okay.

It was only then he realized his own vision was blurred by tears.

"Addison," he said; his voice rough and shaky. "I know this is impossible right now, but you need to breathe. If you relax, maybe she'll follow suit."

Addison shook her head. "What if she swallowed amniotic fluid, Derek? If she did then me breathing and relaxing won't make any difference."

"I know," Derek said quietly.

"What if she's not okay, Derek?"

"I …" Derek trailed off.

He didn't know how to respond. The idea of their daughter not being okay was unfathomable.

And, yet, it was suddenly a very real possibility.

"I'm sorry," he heard Addison whisper.

He turned his head and saw that Addison was apologizing to their daughter. Just when he thought he couldn't feel any worse than he already did.

"I'm so sorry, Sweetheart," Addison apologized, rubbing soft circles over their daughter. "I'm really sorry. It was my job to keep you safe. And I failed you. I'm sorry. Really sor—"

"Stop it," Derek cut in, surprising both Addison and himself with the firmness of his voice. "You haven't failed her. She's going to be fine."

"You don't know that, Derek."

"I do know that," he insisted. "She's our daughter, Addison. And we don't quit. Which mean she doesn't quit."

"Derek."

"No," he continued, sounding much more confident than he actually felt. "She's going to be okay. Because the three of us are supposed to be a family. She's going to be there for our summertime barbeque in the Hamptons. And I'm going to impress her with my burger-flipping skills. And then at night, when everyone leaves, we're going to tell her about last summer … and the storm … and everything that happened after that."

"Maybe leave out the wine and the sex," Addison suggested tearfully.

"We should probably keep it PG," Derek agreed. "But she's going to be there to hear the story. She has to be."

"Can I tell you something?" Addison asked, fighting through pain and tears.

"Anything."

"I'm terrified. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my entire life."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"Me too."

xxxxx

They made it to the hospital in record time, and were in the process of getting Addison situated in a wheelchair.

"What going on?" the ER doctor asked.

"I think the baby's in distress," Addison explained, fighting back tears. "My contractions are coming fast and I'm cramping really badly."

"Okay, don't worry," the ER doctor reassured. "Your OB is on her way. Let's get you checked out."

They were about to wheel her away, when a team of paramedics burst through the door.

"What have we got?" Addison heard another ER doctor ask.

"Six-month-old baby boy. BP's 80 over 40. He's not breathing."

And then she heard the unmistakable voices.

"You have to save my son!"

"Please do something! Anything!"

Addison and Derek met each other's eyes fearfully. They didn't have to turn around to recognize the voices. They'd recognize those voices anywhere.

Julie and Matthew.

Which meant the baby being rushed in … the baby who wasn't breathing … was Mason.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Thanks so much for the kind feedback on the last chapter! And thank you to everyone who read and reviewed my Christmas story!

I really wanted to make sure I posted a chapter before the New Year because this story definitely came out of the 2017 Addek Revolution, so getting in another chapter felt appropriate. With that said, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what types of brilliant stories people come up with in 2018.

Happy New Year and, as always, thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

"She's stable."

The words weren't spoken to her directly, but Addison couldn't help sighing in relief. Her doctors had managed to stabilize her contractions and her cramping had stopped. And now it didn't look like she'd need an emergency C-section.

But most importantly, her daughter was safe.

"I guess now we just wait," Derek said moving his chair next to Addison's hospital bed.

Addison was in labor, but her doctors informed them it was progressing slowly.

"Derek, I need you to do me a favor."

"Sure. Ice chips? Back rub?"

"No. I need you to check on Mason."

"I'm not leaving you, Addison."

"Derek, I'm stable. Our baby's fine. And you heard the doctors; we're going to be waiting around for a while. So, please go check on Mason. I know I'd appreciate an update."

Derek looked at his ex-wife uncertainly. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. You should go. I'll be here waiting when you get back."

He couldn't argue with that. Addison and their baby were both stable. And Addison's labor was progressing slowly.

"Call me if you need anything," he told Addison. "Or have someone page me."

"Honey, stop worrying; everything's fine."

"I love you," Derek said sincerely before kissing Addison chastely on the lips. "Both of you," he amended, placing a hand on her stomach.

Addison swallowed thickly. It was nice to see Derek prioritizing her and their daughter above all else.

"I love you too," she told him. "I'll see you in a few minutes."

He made his way out of Addison's hospital room to check the surgical board. Apparently, Mason was in the OR.

He rushed into the OR, scrubbing in at lightning speed … just in case.

The first thing he heard when he entered the OR was beeping. Frantic beeping.

He glanced at Mason. The infant was intubated; his skin tinged blue.

"BP's dropping," Alex warned; the fear in his voice evident, as the monitors began beeping louder and more frantically. "Pulse ox is dropping too. We're losing him."

"Someone start CPR!" Derek instructed, glancing at Mason's falling stats on the monitor.

"You should do it, Dr. Shepherd," one of the attendings said. "You're the most experienced doctor here. And you know this case better than anyone."

Derek hesitated. He'd only entered the OR so he'd be able to provide Addison with an update. That was supposed to be it.

"We're losing him," Alex warned. "Dr. Shepherd …"

"Okay," Derek nodded—resolving to save Mason's life as quickly as humanly possible—as he began CPR.

"Any improvement, Karev?" he asked after a minute.

"No."

Derek sighed. Technically, he already knew that. The frantic beeping in the background was a dead giveaway.

"Heart rate's dropping. He's flat-lining."

"Shit," Derek muttered, glancing at the monitor. "Okay, someone hand me the paddles."

"Will he be able to handle that?" Alex asked in concern.

"I don't know," Derek answered honestly. "But we're running out of options."

"Dr. Shepherd, I think we should just call it," another doctor piped up. "It's no use. Just—"

"Get out of my OR!" Derek ordered, not bothering to look up.

"But—"

"I said get out of my OR now!" He took a deep breath and charged the paddles. "Clear."

Nothing.

"Shit. Okay, let's try a higher voltage. Clear."

Nothing.

"No! Come on, Mason. Don't do this. Clear."

Nothing.

"Damn it!"

"Dr. Shepherd, I think it's time to—"

"No! It's not time. It's not time to call it," Derek interrupted. "I'll tell you when it's time. And it's not time."

It went on like that for close to an hour.

Derek desperately trying to save Mason. The dull, flat beeping of the monitors signaling that it wasn't working. Alex reciting Mason's stats— _there's no pulse; he's not breathing._ Other doctors bargaining with Derek to give up. And Derek getting angry at them and redoubling his efforts.

It went on like that for close to an hour, until …

"Call it, Karev."

Alex looked at Derek uncertainly. "I, uh—"

"I said call it."

Alex shook his head sadly as he watched Derek snap off his surgical glove off and throw it at the wall in defeat.

"Karev, I said call it."

Alex sighed heavily. "Time of death, 3:22."

xxxx

He scrubbed out alone—quickly and roughly—tears blurring his vision as he vigorously tried to rinse off his failure.

What was he supposed to tell Addison?

"Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek looked up to see Alex standing in the doorway of the scrub room. "What can I do for you, Karev?" he asked tiredly.

"I, uh, are you okay?"

"Honestly?"

Alex shrugged.

"No." Derek sighed sadly. "I can't believe I lost him."

"It wasn't your fault."

"I was attached … and Addison was attached. And I lost him."

"I, um …" Alex trailed off, not used to seeing his superior like this.

"And that's not even the worst of it," Derek continued. "Addison's in labor. I missed being with my wife and holding her hand through her contractions, for what? To _not_ save someone else's baby."

"You did everything you could to save Mason," Alex insisted. "And as far as labor goes … you and I both know it takes a while. I'm sure there's still plenty of time for Dr. Montgomery to squeeze and break your hand. Because let's face it, the pretty picture you painted of holding her hand while you coach her through contractions … that's doesn't exist."

"Funny, Karev," Derek muttered dryly.

"Hey, I'm a realist. Oh, and while we're on the subject, Dr. Montgomery is your ex-wife."

"What?"

"You just called her your wife. Which she's not … unless there's something I don't know about. In which case I would owe Yang fifty bucks."

"Karev, I just lost the second most important baby in my life. And I'm currently missing the chance to be with my wi—ex-wife during one of the most important moments in our lives. Are you really going to stand here and debate semantics with me?

Alex shrugged. "Are _you_ really going to stand here and debate semantics with me?"

"Karev, I don't have the time or patience for—"

"Go be with Dr. Montgomery," Alex cut in. He eyed Derek bloodstained scrubs critically. "Just change your clothes first."

Derek quickly changed out of his scrubs and rushed toward Addison's room, doing his best to keep his emotions in check.

"Addison," he said softly as he entered his ex-wife's hospital room.

What he saw made his throat go dry.

Addison's bed was empty.

"Addison!" he called out desperately, fear and nausea curdling in his stomach. Addison?!"

He quickly glanced down at his phone. Twelve missed calls.

"Addison?!" he screamed, running into the hallway in search of answers. In search of anything, really.

"Addie? Ad-"

"Dr. Shepherd?" A nurse cut in, looking at Derek in confusion.

"Where's my wife?"

"Your wife? I didn't realize you and Dr. Montgomery got remarried." The nurse pointed to his left hand. "You're not wearing a ring."

"Where's Addison?" Derek demanded.

"I, um … I'm not sure," the nurse admitted. "But let me see if I can find her chart."

Derek ran a hand through his hair in frustration as the nurse searched for Addison's charts, far too slowly for his liking. He shook his head in defeat. Maybe there was something in Addison's hospital room—or what had been her hospital room—that he'd missed.

He raced toward the room and nearly collided with Bailey.

"Dr. Bailey," Derek gasped desperately. "Where's my wife?"

"You're wife?" Bailey asked, raising an eyebrow. "Don't you mean your ex-wife?"

"Bailey, please," Derek begged. "Where is she? You have to tell me where she is. Do you know where she is? Because if you do, you have to tell me."

"Derek," Bailey began gently.

Derek cringed at the unmistakable sympathy in Bailey's voice. Bailey didn't show sympathy. Not to him, at least. She wouldn't be sympathetic toward him unless something was wrong.

"What happened?" he asked hesitantly, fairly confident that Bailey's response would likely change to the course of his life forever.

Bailey sighed, her eyes still somber. "Shortly after you left, Addison started cramping again. And her contractions were coming quickly. And we couldn't do anything to stabilize her contractions or stop the cramping."

"No," Derek choked out. "If I wouldn't have gone … If I would have stayed … I should have …"

"The fetal monitor showed that the baby wasn't getting enough oxygen," Bailey continued, cutting into Derek's incoherent ramblings. "So we needed to perform an emergency C-section and get the baby out."

Derek felt weak and nauseous. "I … Is everything okay? Is Addison … is my daughter …"

"It was a pretty traumatic surgery," Bailey admitted as delicately as she could. "Everything happened so fast."

"What are you saying? Are you telling me that—"

"Relax, Derek. Everything turned out fine."

"Ev-everything's fine?" Derek choked out, still breathing heavily.

"Everything's fine," Bailey repeated with a reassuring smile. "Healthy mom, healthy baby."

"Wait … they're alright? Both of them?" Derek asked, needing to hear Bailey say it again.

"They're both alright," Bailey confirmed. She gave Derek a warm smile. "Your daughter's beautiful, Shepherd. She looks like a little doll."

A wide smile spread across Derek's face. "Can I see her? Can I see Addison?"

Bailey nodded. "I'll personally take you to Addison's room."

"Thank you," Derek said appreciatively, trying to contain himself from breaking into a full-on sprint so he could get to Addison and their daughter quicker.

"Shepherd," Bailey warned as they approached Addison's room.

"What?"

"I don't know how to say this delicately, but you look terrible."

"Well, I just—"

"I'm not asking for an explanation. I'm just suggesting you take a minute and pull yourself together before seeing Addison and meeting your baby."

Derek nodded in agreement. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and wiped his moist eyes. "Better?" he asked, turning to Bailey.

She shook her head. "No. Not at all."

Derek sighed. "Yeah, I didn't think so." He met Bailey's eyes. "What kind of person lets someone they love go through something like this alone? What kind of father misses the birth of his child?"

Bailey raised an eyebrow. "Do you want me to answer that?"

"No."

"Look, Shepherd," Bailey began, "Addison and—"

"I said you didn't have to answer it," Derek muttered.

"I wasn't planning to," Bailey persisted. "All I was going to say was that you and Addison are more perfect for each other than I realized."

"What?" Derek asked in confusion.

Bailey sighed. "The whole time they were prepping Addison for surgery, she went back and forth between worrying about your daughter … which is perfectly normal … and worrying that she was a terrible person for sending you to check on a patient … which is just foolish." Bailey met Derek's eyes. "You're not the only one feeling guilty."

"But Addison shouldn't—"

"Exactly," Bailey agreed. "And you better not, for one second, let her feel that way."

Derek nodded mutely.

"Go see Addison and meet your daughter, Shepherd," Bailey instructed.

Derek nodded and attempted to fix his appearance. "Do I look any better?"

"No," Bailey admitted. "But the whole distraught and disheveled look you've got going on … it's kind of working for you."

xxxxx

In all the years she'd known Derek, Addison couldn't remember seeing him look as worn-down and defeated as he did when he walked through the door to her hospital room.

"Addison," he began, his voice laced with regret, "I'm so—"

"No. Don't finish that sentence," Addison cut in. "The first words I heard you speak in Seattle were an apology."

( _Meredith, I am so sorry_ ).

Addison glanced down at her newborn daughter, nestled in her arms. "I don't want the first words she hears you say to be an apology."

"I wasn't apologizing," Derek lied, giving Addison a charming smile. "I was just about to say I'm so in love with you."

"Smooth," Addison chuckled.

"I'm glad you think so."

"Come meet her," Addison urged, motioning toward their daughter. "I, um, I haven't told anyone her name yet," she admitted as she passed their daughter to Derek. "I think it fits her, but I wanted to make sure you thought so too."

Derek nodded mutely as he accepted their newborn daughter. Bailey wasn't lying—their baby was beautiful.

"Wow," he murmured as he took in his daughter's delicate features. He had to admit, with Addison's hair and his eyes, their daughter was a pretty perfect combination of the two of them.

He looked up and met Addison's eyes. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"She's perfect."

Addison smiled. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"She really is."

She smiled adoringly as she watched Derek and their baby get to know each other. As chaotic as her daughter's birth had been, this more than made up for it.

"So, um … do you think her name still works?" Addison asked after a moment.

Derek looked down at his daughter and smiled. "I think it's perfect for her." He pressed a kiss to the newborn's forehead. "Welcome to the world, Iris."

Addison felt her heart flutter at that. Iris Aria Shepherd.

She liked it because it was a strong, elegant name.

He liked it because it was nature-related. Aria, of course, meant air. And Iris meant rainbow.

And it was the meaning of their daughter's first name that sealed the deal for both of them. Their daughter truly was the rainbow after the storm. Both the one in the Hamptons, and the storm that had been the breakdown of their marriage.

"Hi, Iris," Addison whispered, accepting the newborn back from Derek.

"You look so good with her," Derek complimented, pressing a kiss to Addison's temple.

Addison smiled and met Derek's eyes. "How's Mason?" she asked.

He shook his head sadly.

"Oh," Addison said quietly, holding Iris a little closer. "I had a feeling."

Derek swallowed thickly. "Addison, I should have been there … for you and for Iris."

"Derek, we didn't know I was going to need an emergency C-section. If anything, I shouldn't have sent you away."

"Addison, we didn't know you were going to need an emergency C-section," he said, echoing her words. "I just … I'm so glad she's okay," he said, stroking Iris' baby-soft cheek with his index finger.

"I know," Addison agreed, meeting Derek's eyes. "I am too." She kissed his lips softly.

She knew they weren't the perfect couple—not by any stretch. And their lives together would be full of slip-ups and mistakes … his and hers. But she also knew that this time, unlike the first time, they had their priorities straight. And while this may not prevent them from messing up from time to time, she liked to think that this time they'd be able to get through it.

"Can I tell you something?" Derek whispered, sitting down on Addison's hospital bed and carefully pulling Addison into his arms.

"Yeah."

"I'm glad you're okay too." He swallowed roughly. "I was worried. When I went back to your room and you weren't there, I … I was so scared, Addison. I don't know what I would have done if something—"

"I'm okay," Addison reassured him. She locked eyes with him and gave him a slight smile. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"I love you. And her," she added, looking down at their daughter and smiling.

Derek pressed a kiss to Addison's temple and held her a little closer. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"I love you too. And her."

Addison smiled contently. With Iris in her arms and Derek's arms around her, she'd do anything to freeze this moment … or, at least, make it slow down. Instead, she'd settle for committing the moment to memory.

She knew that family and work and the real world would eventually burst their little bubble of happiness. But it hadn't yet.

So, she was going to enjoy it for as long as she could—just her, Derek, and their little rainbow after the storm.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Happy 2018! Thank you so much for your reviews on the last chapter; I really appreciate them! And thanks for the compliments on Iris' name. I thought the name was pretty and meaningful, and worked well, and I was glad that other people thought so too. Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. And as always, thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

"Addison," Derek whispered as he walked into their bedroom, dressed in his work clothes. "What are you doing up? You know what everyone says; sleep when she sleeps."

"I know," Addison conceded as Derek wrapped an arm around her waist. "But look at her," she smiled, peering into the bassinette where their daughter was sleeping. "I just … I can't get enough of her."

Derek smiled as he, too, watched their slumbering daughter. "She's the best baby ever," he murmured as he continued to watch Iris in awe.

"She really is," Addison agreed.

"I can't believe she's already two-weeks old."

Addison nodded silently. Their first two weeks with Iris had certainly flown by. But at the same time, Iris fit so perfectly with her and Derek, it often seemed like she'd been part of their lives a lot longer than two weeks.

"Can I tell you something?" Addison whispered, careful not to disturb their sleeping baby.

"Yeah."

Addison smiled. "I still can't believe she's ours."

Derek chuckled. "I know."

As ridiculous as it sounded, he and Addison had this bizarre fear that the hospital wasn't going to let them bring Iris home. That someone would stop them at the door and tell them that they were unsuitable parents, and weren't allowed to take their baby home with them.

They, of course, knew this fear was absurd—especially because Addison watched parents take their babies home from the hospital every day—but they still worried they might be the exception.

The sound of Iris crying ripped them from their thoughts.

Addison glanced at her watch. "That's about right," she told Derek as she lifted their baby from the bassinette.

Addison and Derek joked that Iris was a good sleeper … in the sense that she was really good at sleeping in thirty-five minute increments. And this basically translated into Addison and Derek getting very little sleep over the past two weeks.

"How was your first day back at work?" Addison asked Derek as she rubbed soft circles on Iris' small back, trying to sooth the crying newborn.

Derek shrugged. "Okay, I guess. I was only in for half a day."

"Did you operate?"

"Yeah. Craniotomy, early this morning. I left shortly after post-ops were completed."

"Did Richard say anything to you about Julie and Matthew?" Addison asked, instinctively holding Iris closer.

"Yeah. He did. They, um, they're looking to sue."

"Sue?" Addison asked in surprise as she passed Iris to Derek. "Sue who?"

"That part's still unclear. But, um … you … me … the hospital."

Addison shook her head in disbelief. "They can't do that. We did everything we could for Mason. By the time he got to the hospital …"

But she couldn't finish the sentence. Losing a baby was never easy. It was one of those things that never got easier … even after years in her profession.

And Mason was special to her.

She would have been devastated about Mason, regardless. But having Iris had added a whole new layer to things.

"They can't sue," Addison repeated, as though saying it again might make it true.

"Richard said the hospital's lawyers don't think they have much of a case." Derek met her eyes. "Apparently, Matthew wants to sue for wrongful birth."

"Wrongful birth?" Addison asked in disbelief. "You can't be serious."

"I was surprised too when Richard told me."

Addison shook her head sadly. "After how hard they fought. After how hard Julie fought."

"I know," Derek agreed, cuddling Iris against his chest.

Truth be told, the potential wrongful birth lawsuit—and the idea of Julie and Matthew trying to claim that Mason should never have been born—made him sick to his stomach. He saw them with Mason and knew how much they loved him … and how hard they had all fought.

He looked down at the baby snuggled in his arms and smiled. Maybe it was cliché, but Iris was worth more to him than any amount of money someone could ever pay him. He couldn't understand Julie and Matthew's line of thinking.

"Are you okay?" Addison asked, cutting into Derek's thoughts.

"I … yeah. It's just the whole thing is wrong. Really wrong."

"I know," Addison agreed sadly. "I think they'll back off, though."

"You do?"

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "They're grieving. And they get like this when they're upset. Especially Matthew."

"Doesn't make it right," Derek muttered.

"I know. But they'll eventually realize that they're acting like this because they want their son back. They don't really want to sue the hospital. And they especially don't want to sue for wrongful birth."

"You really think they'll realize that?"

"I do. Maybe not right away," Addison amended. "But they'll get there."

"Either that or the legal system will force them to get there," Derek muttered. "They don't have a case."

"No," Addison agreed, shaking her head.

"It definitely puts things in perspective though," Derek said, gently kissing the top of Iris' head.

Addison nodded in agreement. It really did. And as she watched Derek with Iris, she couldn't help thinking that what had easily been the best two weeks of her life, had been the worst two weeks of Julie and Matthew's lives.

"I wish there were something we could do for Julie and Matthew," she said after a minute.

"I don't think there is," Derek admitted as he passed Iris back to Addison.

"I know," Addison conceded, smiling slightly as she met her daughter's bright blue eyes (Derek's eyes).

Addison knew there wasn't anything she and Derek could do to bring Mason back. But Mason's death had strengthened her already strong resolve to not take a minute with her own daughter for granted.

She pressed a kiss to Iris' forehead and gave Derek a teasing smile before turning her attention back to her daughter.

"Happy two-week birthday, Iris."

"You're celebrating her two-week birthday?" Derek laughed.

Addison shrugged. "Why not?"

Derek smiled at his ex-wife, and the two of them shared a look of understanding. They were so incredibly grateful for their healthy, beautiful daughter. And they felt so lucky.

"I'll tell you what," Derek bargained. "For her one-month birthday, we should celebrate with a cake."

xxxxx

Iris' one-month birthday came and went. (Addison and Derek celebrated with a small, pink cake). And before they knew it, Iris was three months old, and it was Addison's first day back at work.

And it was a tough case.

She was scheduled to deliver conjoined twins. And it was an all hands on deck surgery.

"Derek, the hospital just paged," Addison told her ex-husband, as she rushed to finish getting ready. "They need me there earlier, so I'm going to leave now."

"Just you, not me?" Derek asked in surprise. He'd also be in the OR during the surgery, in case either of the twins displayed a neurological problem that needed to be addressed immediately.

"Just me," Addison said, shifting Iris in her arms. "Which is good because I need you to finish getting Iris ready for her first day in the hospital daycare."

"Okay."

"I got her dressed. And her various bottles are ready to go. Would you mind just packing another outfit for her?"

"Sure," Derek nodded, accepting Iris from his ex-wife.

"Thank you," Addison said appreciatively, kissing him sweetly. "See you soon, Iris," Addison cooed, pressing a kiss to her daughter's little cheek.

"Bye, Addie," Derek smiled, pressing a kiss to his ex-wife's temple, and watching her gather her keys and head out the door.

He turned to the baby in his arms. "Okay, Iris, let's choose a change of clothes for you."

He quickly learned that this was harder than he'd anticipated. At three months old, Iris already owned more clothes than he did, and he didn't know what constituted appropriate daycare wear.

He took in the outfit that Addison had dressed Iris in—a little purple and white polka dotted romper with a matching headband.

"Okay, something similar to that," he muttered to himself.

He retrieved a pair of navy blue pants and a green shirt and eyed the outfit critically.

"I don't think that matches," he said, shaking his head.

But then his eyes landed on something. The little pink scrubs he'd given Addison several months ago to tell her they were having a girl. They'd fit Iris perfectly now. Plus, he knew they matched.

He quickly added the pink scrubs to Iris' diaper bag.

"Perfect," he smiled, picking his daughter up and kissing her cheek. "It looks like you're all ready for your big first day."

xxxxx

The morning had gone well. Addison had successfully delivered the conjoined twins and both were stable.

She and Derek had just scrubbed out and were making their way toward the hospital daycare to see Iris.

"I have some neurological reservations about waiting too long before separating the twins," Derek told Addison as they walked through the hospital hallways.

Addison nodded in agreement. "We'll run some tests this afternoon to determine how likely the chances of brain damage are." She shook her head sadly. "It's always tough when twins are joined at the head."

Derek nodded in agreement. "I'm particularly concerned about Twin A."

"Lila," Addison corrected.

"Lila," Derek repeated. He turned to his ex-wife. "What's the other twin's name?"

"Lola."

"Lo—Seriously, Addison?"

"Why would I joke about that?"

"Lila and Lola," Derek chuckled. "Interesting choice of names."

"I know," Addison laughed. "Very matchy-matchy. Don't mention that to their parents," she said, growing serious.

"Honey, I never would. If anything, you should talk to Karev about that. He's a much looser cannon than I am."

"Fair enough," Addison conceded as they entered the nursey. "I'll ..." she trailed off, her jaw dropping in surprise as she looked at her daughter. "Honey," she said, turning to Derek. "Our baby left the house today wearing a very respectable romper. Why is she dressed in scrubs?"

Derek couldn't help chuckling, as a daycare employee, Maggie, handed Iris to Addison.

"Iris spit up all over herself this morning," Maggie explained. "So we had to change her clothes. Now she looks just like Mommy and Daddy," Maggie concluded, gesturing to Addison and Derek's scrubbed forms.

"She does look really cute," Addison admitted meeting Derek's eyes.

"She seems to like her scrubs too," Maggie added. "She's been smiling and cooing ever since we put them on her."

"How about that?" Derek chuckled.

He saw Mark enter the daycare and waved his friend over.

"What exactly is going on here?" Mark asked as he took in Addison, Derek, and Iris' matching attire. "I figured you two wanted Iris to be a surgeon, but I assumed you'd subtly push her in that direction. This seems extreme."

Derek laughed. "I was worried about finding Iris a change of clothes that matched … so I went with what I knew."

Addison gave her ex-husband a loving smile, unabashedly smitten by his excuse. She raised an eyebrow coquettishly, and he smiled at her adoringly.

"Okay," Mark said, holding his hands up and backing away. "I think I'm going to get out of here." He gave Derek and Addison a teasing smirk. "I just came to check up on Iris, not to watch the two of you engage in foreplay."

"Excuse me?" Derek asked in confusion.

"Don't play coy, Derek. The way Addison's looking at you, right now, makes me think Iris isn't going to be an only child for long. You're blind if you can't see that."

"Oh, quiet," Addison laughed, nudging Mark playfully with her elbow.

"This is a daycare, Mark," Derek reminded. "Try to be appropriate."

Mark shrugged unaffected. "It's not like any of the kids here understood my insinuation. Now, before you fight back," he continued, looking at Derek. "Because, let's face it, you like to have the last word, just let me do one thing."

"What's that?" Derek asked warily.

"I want to take a picture of the three of you in your matching scrubs."

Addison gave Mark a warm smile. "Thank you," she said sincerely, touched by his insistence on capturing these moments.

"Yeah, no problem," Mark shrugged, as he took a few pictures on his phone. "I've got your Christmas card, right here," he bragged, showing the picture to Derek. "I'll send you these."

"Thanks."

"Sure. Anyway, I should probably get back to work. I'll see you—"

"Wait," Derek cut in. "Before you do, let's just do one thing." He motioned to Maggie. "Would you mind taking a picture of all of us?" he asked.

"You're dressed in scrubs too," Derek explained when Mark looked at him in confusion. "And if we want Iris to be a surgeon one day, we need all the important people in her life to help influence her."

Mark swallowed thickly at that that. "Thank you. That, um, that means a lot."

Derek smiled at his friend warmly before smiling for the picture.

"Also," he added, once the picture had been taken. "I couldn't let you get the last word."

xxxxx

Spring turned into summer, and before they knew it, Addison, Derek, and Iris were en route to the Hamptons for the end of summer party they were hosting (the end of summer party Derek promised Addison they would throw).

"I'm glad we made it back here," Addison said from the passenger's seat as Derek drove their rental car to their house.

"Me too."

He actually meant it too. As much as he'd once hated the Hamptons, it was impossible for him to hate being there now.

He glanced at the rearview mirror and smiled at their five-month-old, who was fast asleep in her car-seat. "Hopefully, the time difference won't affect her non-existent sleep schedule too badly."

Addison laughed. "Maybe it'll help things."

"I doubt it."

Derek parked the car, and they made their way toward the house.

"Do you want to go in first?" Derek asked with a smirk. "So you can throw a glass of wine at me?"

"It depends. Which one of us will be holding the baby?"

"Funny," Derek said dryly, as he fumbled with the key. "I always had trouble opening this door he admitted."

"I remember," Addison smiled, pressing a kiss to Iris' head.

It was hard not to remember Derek fumbling to open the door that July evening … and how scared she had been that someone was breaking in.

"Do you need help?"

"No," he said, as the door swung open. "I've got it."

Addison swallowed thickly as her eyes scanned the house … so much like the last time she was here.

Except this time was nothing like the last time.

The last time she came to the Hamptons, she was running away—from a job she knew wasn't right, from a life she knew wasn't right.

But this time—with Derek and Iris—she had everything she ever wanted.

"Welcome to the Hamptons, Iris," she whispered to her daughter, holding her close. "We can't wait to show you around."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Thank you so much for your kind feedback on the last chapter! I'm glad that people are still enjoying the story; I'm definitely enjoying writing it. Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it, and as always, thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

"You're overcooking the burgers."

"No, I'm not, Archer."

"Trust me, Derek, you are."

"Archer, how many burgers have you flipped in your life?"

"Well, none, I guess."

"Exactly. So, why don't you leave the burger-flipping to me?"

"Fine," Archer conceded. He gave Derek a warning look. "But my burger better not be overcooked."

Derek sighed. His and Addison's end of summer party in the Hamptons was underway—which meant they were entertaining both of their families.

"Is there something I can do for you Archer?" Derek asked when he saw his ex-brother-in-law still hovering. "I promise you I'm not going to overcook the burgers. You don't need to stand here."

"I'm not worried about the burgers."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Okay, technically, I am worried about them. But …" he trailed off, looking over at his sister, who was several yards away. Iris was nestled in her arms and she was chatting with Nancy and Amelia. "Addison looks happy."

Derek followed Archer's gaze and smiled. "She does," he agreed.

"And your kid's cute."

"Thank you, Archer."

"Like legitimately cute. Not happy-baby cute."

"What?" Derek asked in confusion. "What's happy-baby cute?"

"Happy-baby cute is when a baby isn't cute at all. You tell the parents they have a happy baby, not a cute baby. This way, you don't have to lie."

"That's offensive."

"No, it's not," Archer disagreed. "It's considerate. Like … take your sister, Kathleen, for example."

"I'd rather we didn't."

"She had happy babies."

"You realize you're talking about my sister, nieces, and nephews."

"Yeah, so? Why are you getting all prickly? I just told you that you have a very cute baby."

"Archer, can we just—"

"Addie really does look happy," Archer cut in, changing the subject. "And I'll be honest; I may not like you, Derek, but I'm a big enough person to recognize that you're a big part of why she's so happy. So, I guess what I'm saying is that, uh, if you want to marry my sister again, I guess I'd be okay with that."

"How medieval of you, Archer. I didn't realize you had a say in the matter."

"Hey, don't push it," Archer warned. "It's hard enough as is for me to get on board with the idea of you and Addie again. But I'm trying, so don't make me regret it."

"Well, I guess I appreciate that you're trying, Archer. Not that it matters or changes anything."

Except it did matter, and Derek knew that. Archer's opinion mattered to Addison, which meant it mattered to him (even if he didn't want to admit it).

"Uh, Derek?" Archer said, cutting into Derek's thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"You might want to flip those burgers. I may not know much about grilling, but I'm pretty sure those burgers are about two seconds away from being inedible."

Derek looked down at the grill and chuckled. Archer was right.

"Told you," Archer declared triumphantly, folding his arms across his chest in satisfaction as he watched Derek flip the burgers.

"Eh, you got lucky."

"So did you," Archer said, suddenly growing serious. He glanced at his sister before turning his attention back to Derek. "Most people don't get second chances. And, hell, you've had more chances than I can even count."

"I know," Derek admitted, looking over at Addison and their daughter. "Archer, for the first time ever, you and I are in complete and total agreement."

xxxxx

"It's so nice to have a baby in the family again."

Addison gave Nancy a warm smile. "I—"

"And before you start to protest, you're part of our family. There was never a time when you weren't."

"Thank you, Nance," Addison said sincerely as she reached for the hamburger on her plate.

"Here, let me hold her while you eat," Nancy offered, motioning toward the baby in Addison's arms.

"That's okay," Addison said, shifting Iris slightly. "I've gotten pretty good at doing things with one hand."

"Addison, I'm not asking. I'm insisting. Let me hold the baby."

"Okay," Addison conceded, handing Iris to Nancy. "Thank you."

"No. Thank you," Nancy insisted. "Hi, Iris," she cooed, turning her attention to her niece. "You're without a doubt the cutest little hurricane baby I've ever seen." She looked up at her ex-sister-in-law and smiled. "Seriously, Addison, she's gorgeous."

"Thank you."

"The perfect little combination of you and Derek," Nancy continued, studying her new niece closely. "And she's so little. Enjoy that while it lasts," she warned. "Because they don't stay little for long."

"I know," Addison nodded. "I was literally fighting back tears a few months ago when Iris outgrew all of her newborn outfits."

"I remember going through that," Nancy said sympathetically. "Although, for me, that was many, many years ago." She shook her head ruefully. "Time is a cruel mistress."

Addison chuckled. "I feel like time is playing tricks on me," she admitted. "Because every day, I deliver these tiny, little babies … and I very clearly remember when my baby was that little. But at the same time, those days seem like a lifetime ago … even though Iris is only five-months-old."

"Just wait," Nancy advised. "Because before you know it, your babies are in high school and they act like they're too cool to hang out with their mom. And then they start talking about going to college across the country."

"I don't even want to think about that," Derek cut in, shooting his sister a disapproving look as he sat down next to Addison.

Nancy shrugged. "It's not all bad. Still," she continued, holding Iris close, "enjoy this while it lasts." She gave her brother and ex-sister-in-law a smug smile. "You two seem blissfully happy," she observed, changing the subject.

"We are," Addison confirmed.

"How could we not be?" Derek added.

"There are ways," Nancy said coyly. "But you two seem like you're in a really good place."

"Nancy, you've never been one to beat around the bush," Derek sighed. "So, whatever it is, just say it."

"I was just thinking … or wondering, I guess, if there's going to be a wedding anytime soon. Or at least a proposal?"

"Well, that was certainly direct," Derek muttered.

"You asked."

Derek shook his head. "I know you're practically chomping at the bit to be officially related to Addison again. But it's our relationship, and we've got to do what's right for us."

"Very mature, Little Brother. You've certainly come a long way since your days of dating twelve-year-olds."

"Excuse me?" Derek asked in surprise. "What's that supposed to mean? You realize that makes me sound like a—"

"You've grown up, Derek," Nancy cut in. "It's nice to see that."

"I could do without you patronizing me," Derek muttered. "Anyway," he continued, purposefully changing the subject. "It looks like Mom just struck up a conversation with Archer. We all know that's a nightmare waiting to happen. I should probably put a stop to that."

And with that, he walked away. He hoped that Nancy—and mostly Addison—had bought his story. For starters, it wasn't untrue. Archer and his mother needed monitoring individually; there was no telling what type of disaster they could create together.

But more tellingly, all this talk about weddings and proposals was hitting a little close to home.

xxxxx

"I think our end of summer party went generally well," Addison said as she joined her ex-husband on the living room couch of their Hamptons home.

"It did," Derek agreed. "Everyone was on their best behavior. There weren't any major fights or blowouts. And Archer ate not one, but two of the hamburgers I cooked. I think it's safe to say the party went very well."

"I'm exhausted," Addison admitted.

"You're not the only one." He cocked his head slightly towards the stairs.

Their five-month-old was upstairs, sleeping peacefully, completely and totally exhausted by the day's events.

"I think all the attention tired her out," Addison chuckled.

Derek nodded. "She handled it like a champ, though. I know I struggle around our families. Iris handled it well."

"I think—" But she was cut off by the sound of Iris crying over the baby monitor. "I think I spoke too soon," she chuckled. "I'll get her."

Addison made her way up the stairs to Iris' bedroom … or her makeshift bedroom.

Up until very recently, Addison and Derek hadn't needed a baby's room in their house in the Hamptons. So when she and Derek decided to make a trip out there with Iris at the end of the summer, Addison did her best to decorate Iris' room remotely.

In general, she was satisfied with the way the nursery turned out. But there were still touches and embellishments that needed to be added. So as far as Addison was concerned, the nursery was a work in progress.

"Hi, Iris," she cooed, reaching into the ivory crib and picking up her crying baby. "What's wrong?"

She held Iris close, slightly swaying from side to side, as Iris continued to cry. And Addison couldn't help mentally scolding herself for forgetting to buy a rocking chair for the nursery. It seemed like a small oversight initially; but right now, she'd give anything to be able to rock her crying baby back to sleep.

"Let's bring you downstairs," Addison said, holding her whimpering baby close.

In all honesty, Addison knew it was probably wiser to stay in the nursery and lull Iris back to sleep. But Iris had been passed around from relative to relative today, and Addison found the idea of spending some time downstairs with just Iris and Derek appealing.

"Is she okay?" Derek asked when he saw Addison making her way down the stairs with Iris in her arms.

Addison nodded and smiled at her ex-husband. "I just figured if I'm going to try to get her to go back to sleep, I'd rather be down here with you."

Derek smiled. "Well, let's at least turn down the lights in here. Whoa," he chuckled when he accidentally turned the lights off completely, instead of dimming them. "Uh, Addie …" he trailed off, as he stared into the darkness. "Is it just me, or is this giving you flashbacks to last summer?"

"It is." She gave Derek a smug smile. "There's even some Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream in the refrigerator if you're interested."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"I'll be right back," Derek said, making his way toward the kitchen, not bothering to fix the lights.

"Derek?" Addison called out softly, mindful of the sleepy baby in her arms.

"Yeah?"

"Get me a spoon."

"Obviously."

He returned seconds later with a pint of cookie dough ice cream, two spoons, and some candles. He placed the ice cream and spoons down, and began lighting the candles.

"This is definitely giving me déjà vu," Addison admitted, taking in the romantic scene. This time—unlike last time—she had no reservations about acknowledging how romantic the living room looked.

"The best kind of déjà vu," Derek said softly, meeting Addison's eyes before glancing down at their daughter.

"Can I tell you something?" Addison and Derek asked in unison.

"You go first," Addison said, chuckling.

"No, you go."

"Okay," she smiled. "I was just going to say I'm really glad we came out here again with Iris. It just feels … right. Very full circle, you know?"

"Yeah," Derek whispered, smiling at Addison lovingly. "I'm glad we're here too. And I'm glad Iris is getting to see a place that means so much to us."

"Yeah," Addison agreed, involuntarily smiling at Derek's use of the word _us_. She turned to her ex-husband curiously. "What were you going to say?"

"Oh. I … I was just going to tell you that I don't think I've ever been this happy. There's just one thing, though."

"Um, okay."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"I hate that you're my ex-wife."

"What?" Addison asked in confusion.

"I hate that you're my ex-wife," Derek repeated. "And I guess, technically, you're also my girlfriend. But we're too old for that … girlfriend and boyfriend. And maybe there's something to be said for having an undefined relationship. But I don't want that."

"You don't."

"No," Derek whispered, taking Addison's hand in his. "I don't. When I came here last July, I was in a really bad place. I realized that I'd completely lost sight of who I was and what I wanted. And I wasn't happy. And on a whim, I came here, to the Hamptons. And it was the best thing I've ever done. Because when I'm with you, I know exactly who I am and exactly what I want. And you and Iris make me happier than I ever knew was possible. So, Addison …" he trailed off, dropping to his knee, reaching into his pocket, and holding out a small, velvet box. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes," Addison breathed, her heart pounding, tears stinging her eyes.

"Will you be my wife again? Will you marry me?"

"Yes," Addison choked out, overcome by emotion, moving to embrace him. "Of course."

"I'll come to you," Derek smiled. "You're holding the baby."

He quickly got up from the floor and wrapped his arms around Addison—careful of their daughter, who was squirming in between them—and kissed Addison deeply.

"I love you," he whispered when they broke apart.

"I love you too," she smiled, getting lost in his eyes. "And this," she admitted, glancing down to admire the ring he'd slipped on her finger.

"Really?"

"Really."

Addison looked down at Iris; the baby's eyes were fixed on the large diamond sitting on her mother's finger, sparkling in the candlelight. "It looks like I'm not the only one who loves it," she laughed.

"She's definitely her mother's daughter," Derek chuckled, gently rubbing Iris' tiny back. He glanced from his daughter to his fiancée and couldn't help smiling.

"Addison, can I tell you something?" he whispered, leaning in and kissing her softly.

"Yeah."

"I didn't think any trip could have topped our trip to the Hamptons last summer."

Addison smiled. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"This just did."


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Thanks so much for your kind feedback on the last chapter! I really appreciate it. Here's the next chapter. It's also the second to last chapter. It's always tough to end a story, and I definitely struggled with the decision, but ending it in two chapters feels right. That being said, here's a very long chapter for you! I hope you like it and, as always, thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

"I wish we knew it was going to rain today," Bizzy muttered, smoothing the non-existent wrinkles on her dress.

"Sorry, Bizzy, I'm not responsible for the weather," Addison said tightly. She studied her appearance in the mirror in the room she'd gotten ready in and smiled in satisfaction.

"I'm not saying you are," Addison. "I'm just saying, if we knew it was going to rain, you could have saved us all the trouble and just got married in Seattle, where it rains all the time."

"We wanted to celebrate in the Hamptons, Bizzy. With our family and friends."

"We all attended your first wedding, Addison. A second wedding really is an inconvenience. Especially with the rain."

"Well, thank you for gracing us with your presence for the second wedding," Addison said sarcastically.

"Don't be rude," Bizzy reprimanded. "That's not how you talk to guests. And I am a guest at your wedding." She sighed dramatically. "Too bad about the rain. It definitely puts a damper on things."

"Funny," Addison muttered, shaking her head at her mother's choice of wording. "But it's fine; I don't mind the rain."

"You should," Archer insisted, joining the conversation. "It makes everything wet and gross and gloomy. And don't give me that crap about rain on your wedding day being good luck. That's just some lie they tell brides to keep them from freaking out."

"No, really, I don't mind the rain," Addison insisted. "Especially in the Hamptons. And I don't know, for me and Derek … rain on our wedding day in the Hamptons … it feels right."

"Yes, Addison, everyone knows your baby was conceived during a storm in the Hamptons," Bizzy said, shaking her head disapprovingly. "Out of wedlock, no less. I don't see why you and Derek are so insistent upon emphasizing this as a point of pride."

"Wow, Bizzy, don't hold back," Archer muttered. "It's her wedding day; it wouldn't kill you to dial the elitism back today … just a little bit."

"It's her second wedding day," Bizzy corrected. She looked at her children disapprovingly. "It's a shame to think of all the time and money I put into teaching you etiquette and propriety. Clearly, you both learned nothing."

"That's not—"

"Bizzy … Archer," Savvy cut in, rushing over, holding Iris. "It's good to see you two again."

"It's nice to see you too, Savvy," Archer grinned. He raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Are you still married to Weiss?"

"Archer," Addison reprimanded.

"What?" Archer asked, shrugging innocently. "I'm just making polite conversation."

"We're still married," Savvy answered.

"Hmm … happily married?"

"Archer," Addison scolded.

"Yes, we're happily married."

"Eh, good for you," Archer shrugged.

"The reason I'm here," Savvy continued, completely unfazed by Archer, "is that the wedding's about to get started. So you two should probably find your seats."

"Oh, okay," Bizzy nodded. She turned to her daughter. "The weather may not be ideal … and this _may_ be your second marriage, but you look beautiful, Addison."

"Thanks," Addison said, giving her mother a small smile. She appreciated the compliment, but she also knew it was completely like Bizzy to focus on how things looked from the outside.

But she wasn't going to get into it with her mother. Not today. Because today, Bizzy's opinion didn't matter. Today was about her and Derek.

"Are you coming with us?" Archer asked Savvy, as he and Bizzy turned to walk away.

"I'll be there in a second," Savvy said. She gestured to Iris, who was propped on her hip. "This little lady wanted so see her mom."

Addison eagerly accepted her seven-month-old from her friend and took in just how precious her daughter looked in her little cream dress.

"Don't let her ruin your dress or hair," Bizzy warned.

"I won't. And even if she does, it's okay. It wouldn't be the first time that Derek and I saw each other covered in spit-up or some other bodily fluid."

"Addison, having a baby is not an excuse to completely let yourself go," Bizzy reprimanded.

"Thanks for the tip, Bizzy," Addison muttered.

"I'm just trying to help you, Dear."

"Come on, Bizzy," Archer cut in. "The wedding's going to start soon. Let's get to our seats."

Addison shook her head in irritation as she watched her mother and brother's retreating forms.

"So, I lied," Savvy whispered, ripping Addison from her thoughts.

"What?"

Savvy waited a moment to make sure Archer and Bizzy were out of earshot. "The thing I just said about Iris wanting to see you … not true. I had feeling that Bizzy and Archer might be driving you crazy, so I figured I'd defuse the situation."

"Thank you, Sav," Addison said, hugging her friend appreciatively.

"Actually, you should thank Weiss. He was the one who suggested that I check in on you. I was too distracted by the adorable baby in my arms," she smiled, accepting Iris back from Addison.

"Well, I'll be sure to thank Weiss later for that. And for taking Iris tonight." She looked at her friend in concern. "Are you sure you and Weiss are okay with that. I mean, she's sleeping through the night better than she used to, but it's still a crapshoot, and—"

"Addison, we're happy to take Iris. You and Derek deserve to celebrate on your wedding night. And Weiss and I are happy to facilitate that."

"I know, but—"

"You're worried about you, aren't you," Savvy assessed knowingly.

"It'll be our first night away from her."

"And it'll be fine," Savvy reassured. "Iris is in very capable hands. Now stop worrying and enjoy your wedding."

xxxxx

Their second wedding was undeniably beautiful. The ceremony was short and sweet, clearly taking into account their seven-month-old in attendance. Iris, for her part, was very well behaved, sitting calmly on her Aunt Savvy's lap the entire ceremony.

By the time the reception rolled around, the rain had stopped.

"I still can't believe we got here," Addison smiled, as she danced with her husband. "Married again … with a baby."

"I know," Derek agreed. "But I'm glad we did."

"Yeah. Me too."

"Can I tell you something?" Derek asked, his eyes sparkling.

"Yes," Addison whispered, as they danced cheek to cheek.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you." She pulled back slightly and let her eyes rake over him appreciatively. Then she leaned in close again. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"You look amazing."

"Thanks, Addie," he smiled, as they continued to dance together—each feeling like the luckiest person in the room.

"Hey, look at that," Addison laughed, angling Derek so that he could see what she was seeing—Archer was holding Iris and swaying to the music with her.

"I'll bet my medical license that your brother is only dancing with our daughter to pick up women."

"Oh, quiet," Addison chuckled.

"Tell me I'm wrong," Derek smirked, kissing her cheek.

"Okay," Addison conceded. "You're probably right. But it's still nice to see."

"Hey, love birds," Mark cut in. "I hate to interrupt, but your photographer wants to take some pictures of you two outside on the beach, now that the weather has cleared up. I don't know why she sent me over here to tell you that, but here we are."

"Thanks, Mark," Derek said, as he and Addison reluctantly made their way off the dance floor.

They had only posed for a couple of pictures, when they saw Savvy running their way, carrying Iris.

"Savvy, what's wrong?" Addison asked, worried by Savvy's frantic pace.

"Nothing," Savvy shrugged. "It's just … do you remember that picture I took of you two all those years ago? You were walking on the beach, here at the Hamptons. Your arms were around each other, and you had no idea I had taken your picture."

"Yeah …" Addison trailed off. She knew the picture well. It was prominently displayed in their house in the Hamptons.

"It's one of my favorite pictures of the two of you," Savvy admitted.

Addison smiled. "It's one of my favorites too. But what does that have to do with anything?"

"I think you should recreate it," Savvy explained, handing Iris to Addison. "With Iris."

Addison had to admit, the idea was incredibly sweet. "Okay," she agreed, remembering the twinge of sadness she felt when she first saw the picture Savvy had taken that fateful day in July—when she (and then later Derek) had come to the Hamptons. She didn't think she'd have a chance at that kind of happiness again. Especially not with Derek. But here she was on her wedding day, happier than she could have ever imagined. And best of all, she was sharing that happiness with Derek … and, of course, Iris.

"Addie …?" Derek cut in, interrupting her thoughts. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Addison said, giving her husband a loving smile. "Let's recreate the picture."

In the end, the picture turned out better than anything Addison or Derek could have ever imagined.

One of Addison's arms was lovingly wrapped around Derek's waist. And one of his arms was lovingly wrapped around hers—just like in the original picture. He was pressing a kiss to his her temple, while Iris, who was perched on Addison's hip, looked on happily, her bright blue eyes sparkling.

Unlike the photo that Savvy had taken all those years ago of just Addison and Derek, this photo wasn't candid. It was staged. Hyper-staged, even. But, recently, so much of Addison and Derek's lives had been unpredictable, neither were about to complain about a little bit of planning.

"You're a beautiful family," the photographer complimented.

"Thank you Addison smiled."

"She's adorable," the photographer continued, gesturing toward Iris, who was still nestled in her mother's arms.

"Enjoy this," the photographer advised, as she snapped a couple more pictures of their little family. "When they're this young, time goes fast."

xxxxx

The photographer was right—time was flying. October turned into November, and November turned into December.

"Are you on call tonight?" Addison asked Alex as they scrubbed out together.

"Yeah. And I've got a bad feeling that tonight's going to be one of those nights where every pregnant woman in Seattle goes into labor."

Addison chuckled. "I hope for both our sakes that's not the case."

Alex looked at his boss in confusion. "You're not on call tonight. It shouldn't affect you."

"I'm the head of the department, Karev," Addison reminded him as she shut off the faucet. "Everything affects me."

"That's fair, I guess."

"So, I'll see you in two days," Addison continued, drying her hands.

"Two days?"

"Yes. I'm off tomorrow."

Tomorrow was December 20th—her and Derek's day to spend together. And true to their word, they had taken the day off.

"Well, have a good day off," Alex said. "And if I were you, I'd get out of here soon. I have a weird feeling that things are about to get messy around here."

Addison chuckled as she and Alex left the scrub room together. "Good luck tonight, Karev."

"Yeah, thanks."

She was almost home free when Richard approached her. "Uh, Addison, I need you for a quick consult."

Addison glanced at her watch. She was supposed to meet Derek in five minutes.

"Is it a high risk pregnancy?"

"Not exactly."

"Can someone else handle—?"

"The patient specifically asked for you."

"Okay," Addison sighed. She quickly texted Derek and accepted the patient's chart from Richard, hastily consulting it as she made her way to the correct exam room.

"Wait this can't be right," Addison mumbled to herself. "According to this, the patient would be—"

"Hello, Dr. Montgomery," the patient greeted. "Or should I call you Dr. Shepherd?" she asked, taking in the sparkling rings decorating Addison's left hand.

"It's, um, it's Shepherd now." She had taken back Derek's last name (and Iris' last name) without a second thought.

Addison gave her patient a small smile. "How are you, Julie?"

"Pregnant. Completely unplanned, but pregnant, nonetheless."

"Congratulations," Addison said, carefully studying Julie's response.

Julie nodded mutely. "I … I wasn't sure about coming to you today," she admitted. "After losing Mason, I'd convinced myself that I never wanted to see you again. You or your husband."

"You were grieving," Addison said sympathetically. "Your world had been ripped apart."

"It was more than that," Julie said quietly. "I blamed you. I blamed you for going into labor and him for not being able to save Mason."

Addison nodded mutely. She figured as much.

"We were going to sue," Julie continued when Addison remained silent. "Mathew and I … we wanted to sue you and your husband. And we wanted to sue the hospital."

"I heard something to that effect," Addison said neutrally, purposefully leaving out the full extent of what she knew."

"Yeah."

"But you didn't sue."

"We couldn't. And not because we didn't have a strong case … which looking back, I guess we didn't. But when we met with Chief Webber and the hospital lawyers, we told them that you and Dr. Shepherd were at fault, and that you two didn't care enough about treating Mason."

Addison swallowed roughly. Julie's words stung like a slap to the face. And they couldn't be more untrue.

"The thing is," Julie continued. "Chief Webber told us that your husband missed the birth of his own baby because he was trying to save Mason." She met Addison's eyes as though looking for confirmation.

"He did," Addison said quietly.

"Oh," Julie whispered, her cheeks tinging red. "I, um, we couldn't sue. Deep down we knew it wasn't your fault or Dr. Shepherd's fault. And we knew every judge in the world would see that too."

Addison nodded mutely, unwilling to have a conversation about what a judge would or would not see. That missed the point completely.

"I'm sorry," Julie whispered.

"You were grieving,"

"Yeah. But still."

"Derek and I were very attached to Mason," Addison said, purposefully redirecting the conversation. She knew Julie was looking for her to accept her apology; but Addison wasn't sure she was ready to do that. "Mason was a fighter," she continued. "And so inspiring. He wasn't just another patient to us."

"I know that," Julie admitted. She looked down at the floor, uncomfortably. "We tried to sue for wrongful birth," she choked out, tears brimming in her eyes. "We tried to say that Mason never should have been born."

Addison remained silent. She, of course, already knew this.

"I never felt that way about my son," Julie sniffled. "I always wanted him."

"I know you did."

"I did. He was amazing."

"Yeah," Addison agreed, a small smile coming to her face. "He really was. He was a little fighter."

"He fought so hard," Julie whimpered. She shook her head ashamedly. "He fought so hard. And then Matthew and I went ahead and said he never should have been born. After how hard he fought. After _everything_."

"You didn't mean it," Addison said quietly.

"It doesn't change the fact that we said it," Julie said sadly. "It doesn't change the fact that we tried to sue you and the hospital for wrongful birth. I just … I'm so ashamed."

Addison nodded mutely. She got that. And truth be told, if she were in Julie's position, she'd probably feel the same way.

"And now Matthew and I are having another baby. And we don't deserve it. After what we said and tried to do, we deserve infertility. We deserve bad things. The last thing we deserve is another baby."

"Yeah, but that's not how life works, Julie."

"What?"

Addison sighed. Julie's view of the world in no way surprised her.

"I'm just saying that life is more complicated than that."

"I feel guilty," Julie admitted.

"I get that," Addison nodded.

"I feel like I don't deserve another chance."

"I get that too. But the reality is that you and Matthew are getting another chance … if that's what you want, of course," Addison added quickly.

"I'm not here to ask you for an abortion," Julie said quietly. "I just … I'm struggling with the guilt."

"That's understandable. And there's a pretty good chance you'll struggle with the guilt for a while." She met Julie's eyes. "It might be a good idea to talk to someone."

"Like therapy?"

Addison nodded. "You've been through a lot, Julie. And you're still going through a lot. Talking to someone might help. I could refer you to someone."

Julie raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to refer me another relative or something? It seems like every doctor I've dealt with recently is in some way related to you."

Addison chuckled. "Derek has a sister who's a therapist." She gave Julie a slight smile. "But, no, I'm not going to refer you to her. But I can recommend someone else if you're interested."

"Maybe," Julie shrugged, noncommittally.

Addison nodded in understanding. She wasn't going to push Julie to do anything she didn't want to do or wasn't ready to do. This was Julie's decision to make.

"So … would you like me to examine you today?"

"Yeah," Julie said quietly. "I would."

"Okay," Addison said, giving Julie a reassuring smile. "Let's take a look at Mason's little sibling. I mean …" she trailed off uncomfortably, wondering if maybe she'd said the wrong thing.

But to her relief, Julie was smiling. "Mason's little sibling," she repeated softly. "I like that." She shook her head sadly. "Mason would have been the best big brother."

"Yeah," Addison smiled, nodding in agreement. "He would have."

"Yeah."

Addison watched as Julie continued to struggle with her emotions. "Just let me know when you're ready to start," she told Julie calmly. "We don't have to begin anything until you're ready."

Julie nodded mutely. "Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. "I'm ready."

"Okay," Addison said, giving Julie a reassuring smile, as she started the exam. "Let's take a look."

The beginning of the exam was pin-drop quiet. Julie was silently working through her emotions. And Addison was silently letting her.

"You know, I belong to a lot of support groups for mothers who have lost babies or children," Julie said after several minutes. "Some of the groups meet in person. Others are online. And the mothers … they have this term for a baby that comes after the loss of another baby or child."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Julie nodded. "They're called rainbow babies."

"Rainbow babies," Addison echoed, a smile immediately coming to her face as she thought about her own little rainbow. "I like that."

"Yeah, I do too. And I don't know …" Julie trailed off. "For some reason, I have a good feeling about this baby."

Addison gave Julie a warm smile. "So do I."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Why's that?" Julie asked.

"I don't know," Addison shrugged. "I just do."

Statistically speaking, the odds were in Julie's favor. She was young and healthy. And Mason's encephalocele was a rare abnormality—not something genetic that Julie and Matthew were likely to pass on to subsequent children.

But it was more than that.

Addison fiercely believed in rainbow babies ... all types of rainbow babies. And she had a soft spot in her heart for them. Because her own little rainbow baby was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Julie said, cutting into Addison's thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Um, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I was just … thinking."

Thinking about Iris.

Iris in the living room, last night, taking wobbly steps into Derek's waiting arms. Iris every morning—her bright blue eyes sparkling—as Addison lifted her out of her crib. Iris cuddled against her chest, eyes heavy, as she drifted off to sleep. And Iris giggling—one of Addison's all-time favorite sounds.

It was hard for her to think about Iris without feeling incredibly lucky.

"So, um, does everything look okay, so far?" Julie asked, once again ripping Addison from her thoughts. "You know, with this pregnancy?"

Addison smiled. "Everything looks perfect."

"Good," Julie sighed. "That's good." She studied her fingernails for a moment before meeting Addison's eyes. "I know you usually only deal with high-risk pregnancies or sick babies … and I know there's a weird history with us … but I was wondering if maybe … if maybe you'd be my doctor this time too."

Addison gave Julie a warm smile. "I'd be happy to."

"Really?" Julie asked in surprise.

"Really."

"Thank you," Julie smiled, doing her best to keep her emotions in check. "I'll, um, I'll set up another appointment on my way out."

"That sounds good," Addison said. "Oh, and Julie?"

"Yeah?"

"Congratulations."

"Thanks," Julie said smiling slightly. "You too." She blushed in embarrassment. "I guess I never congratulated you on the birth of your baby … or your marriage. So, uh, congratulations ... on everything."

"Thank you. Come on," Addison said, giving Julie a small smile. "I'll walk you out."

xxxxx

"Was that Julie I just saw you with?" Derek asked. He and Iris had joined Addison by the nurses' station, where she was filling out some final charts.

"It was," Addison nodded, leaning in and giving him a chaste kiss hello. She turned her attention to her nine-month-old and pressed a kiss to her little cheek. "Hi, Iris," she smiled. "I missed you today."

"What was Julie doing here?" Derek asked, doing his best to keep his voice neutral. "Wait … Is she …?"

"Doctor-patient confidentiality," Addison smirked, smiling as Derek passed Iris into her waiting arms.

"Right, of course," Derek chuckled. "So, Julie and Matthew are back in our lives?" he asked, easily able to unpack the non-answer Addison had given him.

"They're back in _my_ life," Addison said. "Whether you want to be involved is up to you."

"Yeah, no thanks," Derek chuckled, winking as his wife. "Good luck with that, Honey."

"I—"

But she was cut off by the sound of Iris giggling.

"Even she's laughing at you," Derek chuckled, gesturing to the baby in Addison's arms. "What took you so long, Iris?"

"Derek," Addison reprimanded, trying to fight back giggles. She turned to her husband, her eyes shining with happiness. "It's impossible not to smile at the sound of her little laugh."

"I know," Derek agreed. "And Iris," he continued, turning his attention to their daughter. "Mommy's going to have this crazy patient for a while so there will be plenty of opportunities for us to laugh about this."

"Oh, shut it," Addison laughed. "You should really—"

But she was silenced by Derek wrapping his arms around her and Iris, holding them close.

"Well that's one way to win an argument," she whispered, looking up and kissing him chastely, well aware that they were still at work.

"You ready to go?" Derek whispered back.

"Yeah."

"Good. So …" he continued, as they left the hospital hand-in-hand, "are you going to tell me more about Julie? You know … all the dirty details?"

"Doctor-patient confidentiality," Addison reminded her husband once again with a smirk. "You know I can't."

"Oh that's right," Derek chuckled, intentionally playing dumb. "Doctor-patient confidentiality."

They'd talk about Julie and Matthew, and they both knew it. They talked about everything. At least, nowadays, they did.

"I guess we'll just have to find something non-work-related to talk about," Addison smiled, kissing her daughter's forehead.

"Like Iris," Derek grinned.

"Or Christmas," Addison smiled. After all, it was their season.

"Or us," Derek whispered. "And how I convinced you to marry me."

"Two times," Addison pointed out.

"And two times will be it for us," Derek said decisively. "We're not having a third wedding."

Addison gave her husband a loving smile. "This is it," she agreed.

She looked down at Iris before meeting Derek's eyes again. It was literally impossible for her not to smile.

Because she knew this time really would be it for her and Derek. This time would stick.

And this time, every day until eternity wasn't just a song lyric. She was certain of it. This time, it was reality.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: I can't believe this story has reached its end. But here we are—the final chapter! Thank you so, so much to everyone who's read, reviewed, and stuck with this story. I know sometimes interest in longer stories tends to wane as they go on, but you've all continued to leave such nice and encouraging feedback, and I really appreciate it. So, thanks a million! I hope you liked reading this story as much as I've liked writing it!

* * *

He had only meant to watch them for a few minutes. But he found himself unable to look away from his wife and their daughter.

Sometimes he still couldn't believe this was his reality. Addison and Iris.

Sometimes he still expected to wake up alone in his uncomfortable bed in the trailer. But that wasn't his reality.

Addison and Iris were.

And he couldn't help feeling eternally grateful for this as he watched his wife and their baby from the driver's seat of his parked car. Though he had no idea what was being said inside the house …

"Nice job, Iris," Addison smiled as she lifted her daughter out of her high chair.

She had just finished feeding Iris breakfast, and it had gone considerably well. Lately, mealtime with Iris was a messy situation that usually ended with Iris or Addison or both of them covered in some type of mashed up fruit or vegetable.

But that wasn't the case today, and Addison was glad.

It was December 20th—the day she and Derek were supposed to spend together—and Derek was nowhere to be seen.

"Dada," Iris babbled, extending her little arms, indicating that she wanted to be picked up.

"I don't know where Dada is," Addison admitted, picking Iris up and pressing a kiss to her little cheek.

"Dada."

Addison shook her head. "I don't get it," she chuckled, cuddling her daughter close. "I carried you for nine months, and your first and favorite word is dada. Really, Iris?"

"Dada."

"How about mama? Iris, can you say mama?"

"Dada," Iris giggled

"Let's find out where Dada is," Addison muttered, easing Iris onto the floor before reaching for her phone to call Derek.

"Dada, dada," Iris babbled, taking a couple of clumsy steps before falling on her bottom.

Derek couldn't help chuckling at that from his car.

He watched as Iris looked around—her signature move when shook took a small tumble. If nobody was watching (or if she thought no one was watching), Iris would just shrug off the fall. But if she knew someone was watching her, she'd scream bloody murder.

Iris looked up at Addison, who Derek knew was pretending to be oblivious to their nine-month-old's little tumble.

"Let's see where Dada is," Addison cooed. She pressed her phone to her ear and scooped Iris up into her arms.

Even though Derek had been observing the scene for a few minutes, the sound of his phone ringing in his pocket still took him by surprise.

"Hello?"

"Derek, where are you?" Addison demanded. "It's supposed to be _our_ day together, and you're nowhere to be found. Where are—"

But she was cut off by Derek walking through the front door of their house.

"Derek where have you been?" Addison asked as she hung up the phone. She looked at her husband pointedly. "It's December 20th and we were supposed to—"

"I got you coffee," Derek interrupted, handing her a paper cup in exchange for Iris.

"Thanks, but …" she trailed off, taking a sip of coffee. "Derek, this coffee ice cold."

"I ran into Matthew," Derek explained, cuddling Iris close and smiling at how snuggly his nine-month-old was in her grey, footie pajamas. "And Matthew likes to chat," he continued. "That's why the coffee's cold."

"You ran into Matthew?" Addison asked, narrowing her eyes in surprise.

"I did."

"As in Matthew of Julie and Matthew?"

"The one and only." He pressed a kiss to Iris' forehead. "And you don't have to worry about doctor-patient confidentiality anymore," Derek smirked. "Matthew told me that Julie's pregnant." He gave his wife a teasing wink. "Don't worry, I acted surprised."

"Der—"

"Oh, and guess what?" he asked, walking into the living room with Iris, and motioning for Addison to join them. He sat down on the couch and patted the space next to him.

"I don't know. What?" Addison muttered as she sat down next to her husband, not entirely sure if she really wanted to hear more about Derek's recent interaction with Matthew.

"If Julie and Matthew have a girl, they want to name her—"

"Jessica," Addison cut in. "I remember Matthew telling us that."

"Nope," Derek laughed, smiling as Iris crawled over his legs and into Addison's arms. "They want to name her Madison. After you."

"After me?" Addison looked at her husband in confusion. "That's not my name."

"Well, obviously," Derek chuckled. "It's a combination of your name and Mason's name," he explained.

"Oh."

"Yeah. Maybe my judgment's impaired because they're not my patients anymore, and I no longer have to deal with them on a regular basis, but I kind of like the name."

"I kind of do too," Addison admitted, carefully helping Iris to the ground so she could toddle around. "For them," she added quickly. She glanced down at her daughter, who was easing herself into the standing position and smiled. Every day with Iris strengthened her already strong conviction that she and Derek had chosen the perfect name for their baby girl.

"Or maybe they'll have another son," Derek continued, ripping Addison from her thoughts. "And all their planning will be for naught." He shook his head in amusement. "I can't believe you have to deal with them for another seven months."

Addison chuckled at that.

"No making plans with them, okay?" Derek said, giving Addison a pleading look. "I know Julie really likes you."

"I'm not going to make plans with them," Addison reassured her husband.

"Good," Derek said with a satisfied smile. "You know how I feel about them, Honey. And besides …" he trailed off, pulling Addison in and kissing her deeply. "I don't want to share you. Not with them, at least."

Addison couldn't help smiling at that. "Well, you're in luck. Because today is our day to spend togeth—"

But she cut herself off, when she saw Iris fall on her bottom, a couple of feet away. And Iris had caught not just her mother's eyes, but her father's as well—so she started wailing.

"It's okay. You're okay," Addison reassured her daughter as she rushed off the couch to console her crying baby. She scooped Iris up into her arms and pressed a kiss to her daughter's damp-with-tears cheek. "You're okay," Addison said gently as she carried Iris back to the couch. "Daddy and I both saw you fall, and you didn't fall very hard." She turned to her husband, who was rubbing Iris' little back reassuringly. "She's so dramatic."

Derek laughed. "She gets it from you."

"She does not," Addison insisted, as she continued to console Iris.

Derek couldn't help smiling as he watched his wife and their daughter together. There were no two ways about it, Addison was amazing with Iris. He always knew Addison would be a good mother; but seeing her with Iris was better than anything he could have ever imagined.

And Iris … Derek literally couldn't imagine him and Addison with any baby but her. She had a way of making even the most stressful days better, and she already had the best little personality.

"Can I tell you something?" Derek whispered after a moment. "I lied."

What?"

"I lied about where I was this morning."

"You didn't go for coffee?" Addison asked in confusion. "And you didn't run into Matthew."

"No, that part's true." He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. "I was going to save this for Christmas, but now seems like as good a time as ever to give this to you."

Addison looked at her husband suspiciously as she opened the envelope. "A check?" she asked in confusion. "Derek …?" she trailed off, as she took in the sizable check. "What's this for?"

"I sold the trailer," Derek told her proudly.

"What?"

"I finalized the sale this morning," Derek explained. "That's where I was."

"You sold the trailer? But why?"

Derek shrugged. "I haven't been back there since you and I moved in here. There's no point hanging onto it."

"Yes … but, Honey, you love the trailer."

"I _loved_ the trailer. Past tense," Derek corrected. "But the trailer isn't a home. It's not like our place here … the home that you and I created. The place we brought Iris home to. Where she took her first steps."

A slight smile came to Addison's face.

"It's not even like our place in the Hamptons, Derek continued. "Where Iris was—"

"I think I get the point, Derek. I just … what about the land? You said you love the land."

"It's a great piece of land," Derek agreed. "It's just …" He ran a hand though his hair. "Can I tell you something?"

"Okay."

"I lied again."

"What?" Addison asked in confusion. "About what?"

"After I sold the trailer and after I got coffee, I had planned to immediately come back to the house. But I didn't … well, not really."

"What?"

"I drove right home and was going to come inside … except I could see you and Iris from my car. And I couldn't help watching the two of you," Derek admitted, a soft smile forming on his face. "And that's when I knew for sure I made the right decision selling the trailer. Because it doesn't matter how amazing the land is … because there's no better view than the one I saw from my car … you and Iris."

"Really?" Addison gulped.

"Really," Derek smiled, pulling her in and kissing her tenderly, careful of their nine-month-old, squirming between them.

"So …" Addison trailed off when they broke apart. "No regrets about selling the trailer? Not even the tiniest regret?"

"Nope. None whatsoever."

He meant it too. The trailer—and the land—once had so much promise. It was his escape from Addison (clearly, that hadn't worked … and nobody was more grateful about this than him). It was supposed to be where he would build his dream house.

Except he already had his dream house—his home with Addison and Iris. And, of course, their place in the Hamptons.

And he wouldn't trade that for anything.

"Love you," Addison murmured, brushing her lips against his.

"I love you too," he smiled when they broke apart.

"Dada," Iris babbled, vying for her parents' attention. "Dada. Dada."

Addison grinned as she watched a wide smile spread across her husband's face, his eyes crinkling around the corners.

"I love it when she says that," he beamed.

"I'm a little jealous," Addison admitted, cuddling Iris close.

"Yeah, but mama's a lot harder to say than dada." He turned to his daughter. "Can you say 'mama,' Iris? Can you make this the best December 20th ever and say 'mama'?"

"Dada, dada, dada," Iris giggled.

"I guess not," Addison shrugged.

"She'll get there," Derek reassured his wife, pressing a kiss to Addison's temple before kissing Iris' forehead. "We're gonna work on that, okay, Iris?" he laughed, kissing her forehead again.

"Can I tell you something?" Addison asked, smiling when she felt Derek lovingly wrap an arm around her and Iris.

"Anything."

"It's still a pretty good December 20th."

It really was. And Addison felt so incredibly grateful.

There were days when she had to remind herself that Derek and Iris were her reality. Because her life with the two of them was better than anything she could have ever imagined. It was the type of life she'd always dreamed of … the type of life that most people (herself included) spent years chasing.

And she couldn't help thinking about Julie, and the metaphor she'd used over a year ago … about children trying to catch the wind, even though it was impossible.

The metaphor still held up. Always would.

Catching the wind was impossible.

But maybe there was some wiggle room.

Addison may never be able to catch the wind. But with Derek and Iris—and the unlikely little family they'd become—Addison had to believe she'd come pretty damn close.

 _xxx_


End file.
